There is no intersection
between
who she is
and who she
will be.
The two do
not connect.
They feel like parallel
lines while she stands
idly by
watching
her future
flat line
in to a chasm
of space she no
longer understands.

Right now feels
like a steady pilgrimage,
there are no hills
there has been no ******.
I don’t know
why everything
feels stale right now
and neither does she.


I have told her
that she will
have to work.
She will have
to try.
Talking
about her hate
won’t work
anymore.
She knows.

I have smiled at
her.
She won't make
eye contact.

She doesn’t
smile back,
she keeps her eyes
locked on the grain
of the wood beneath her.

I love her,
but she doesn’t
return the favor.
She hasn’t in
months.

But
I think things will
change.
I think they will
be better soon.
I looked
at her in the mirror
the other day, and she
no longer sees me
through
peripheral vision.

I hope
one day
she will remember
everything
she was
before all
of this.

This is a pattern
of my self loathing
and I only write this
because I think
it is changing.
I will have to
bear with
myself.

I told
myself
“I love you”
in the mirror.
I didn’t respond,
but I did
smile.

If there is
no other message
for you tonight,
take this with a grain
of salt.
You are not
the saddest parts
of yourself
they are apart of
you,
you don't need them
they need you
and it will change,
they will change.

I will change.