To be pending is to be drunk or high 90% of the time,
Is to wish you weren't alive in the rest
Is to pray to any god who will listen
And then give in to another form of an addiction when they don't

To be pending is to live a life of sin, give no ***** and let anyone and no one in,
To drink not to get drunk but to die.
To be higher than heaven to be turnt till 11 the next morning when your belly is churning from the demons who wouldn't drown,
turning your belly into a fire pit,
purging you into the flower beds of suburbia

To be pending is to wish you were somewhere when you are nowhere, when you are nothing,
to face constant embarrassment, harassment,
to feel shame with every breath you take,
walking dead girl

To be pending is to wander directionless for a week
or a month
or a year,
living in the eerie grotesque comfort of a home which doesn't really seem like home anymore,
To pace the streets at four in the morning trying to detach memories tied to lampposts like ribbons...

Here is the first places we kissed,
here is where I noticed a heart shaped puddle,
here is where we shared our last spliff, here is when I cried
and here

and here

and here.