i came in her mouth
  i can’t stop hurting myself
the patron saint of blood
       self appointed self affliction
  i only want her when she doesn’t want me
   an explosion of pain & misplacedlove
   it’s  4am & I’m lost again
      somewhere too far west
    in this bed
wrapped like a present
  with my legs around her head
& sheets lumped under my
    back
on my back
she caresses my thigh
         down
         she wants something
i don’t have
         me.

the ceiling is blank
         the room bare  & heavy
“where were you born” she asks
     starting to stand
face all wet
time choking the elephants
      hiding in the room
“i don’t  know” I say say                   say
   her eyes fall all over
          the place
she is a wire with a onion bulb head, onyx eyes, tiny fine young delicate hands the kind when i was a small girl i wish i had

“don’t know, don’t know,
i just woke up one day and was”




6/14/11