sad clown always laughing joking
making fool out of self (how dare he)
speak to me thusly
as if i don't know
how funny the grand joke
the grand joke being me

anesthetic lines at parties
garish boost of self confidence
who was i in those days (liar)

scooping out the self
going in through the nose
when will these ulcers
eat through me
when will my heart
finally cease its cardiotoxic cardiac protest

they ate it up
me the humble pie
shat out cancerous colon

big empty words between gulps
russian standard my weapon in those days
but all the blow blown
and all the ***** ethanol *****
can't let you forget
it him you us
broken shattered thrown to the wind
seeds of our discontent