my excuses breed like the mayflies of the bayou
when your legendary grandmother says
i remind her of cool-hand luke
actually blushing & looking
down at his knees

so i wrote this while i sat
rocking back & forth
on her kitchen counter alone
watching the tanned florida bodies
with muscled calves & stomachs
full of beer whistling songs:

here i am
a blond faced writer
turning to ash
on some radioactive night
gathering paper from living
tree roots & unconscious moss
hair parted in the middle
& slicked back by river water
a little schizoid with a typewriter
telling myself to forget
old feelings
old words
old bodies
an angel filled with my own strong
music & careful passion under
the purple-gray moon & sky
dark like chewed-up bubblegum

i realize i've
laid down my insecurities
like hilarious graffiti
on paper a thousand times
but no one believed a word of it
until i came out of the blackness
of this river with silver wings
growing taller & stronger
nourished by the mud
into smokestack manhood full
of furious breath mouth
searching for a thunderstorm
finally awake on the liquefied air

but this dream will not leave me
like the horizon lost in teardrops
hunkered down invisible
on the banks of this peaceful river
as stars streak like knives across the sky
& beard-faced frogs sing
about naked bellies marching
across a frontier i know
i'm a certain kind of handshake maniac
miserable with sensitive armpits
writing a personal story with
fanaticism about rubber shadows writhing
like fat-eyed snakes dancing between
bales of hay on a clear night
cranked out on a bone-shattering
bullet of burnt coffee
big wintertime sky the color of wet cement as
cumulonimbus gather directly overhead
i'm lying on my young sweaty back
concentrating on large drone-birds
through a tinfoil kaleidoscope
flying free in native space
faster than i can knock them down
with either comfort or refined guilt

& i'll probably die trembling
under fuzzy patches of starlight
ignorant & weeping of lust before i'm 30
after falling in love 3 times a week
because i'm more vulnerable
in a moment of boiling telepathy
than i should be at my age to
grapefruit ******* and
pretty girls in little underwear