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PJ Jul 2013
My curfew is twelve

And tonight I ran home barefoot
Because my mother does not tolerate
Lateness, so it's 11:55 and I'm drunk
Running and wanting to
Stop because my feet are
Sore, but
I know if I'm late home I will miss a
Weekend of you, so when I run
With each footstep into gravel,
I think of the kisses
You put on my cheek, and
Run even faster,
Knowing I can't take another day
Without your gentle cheek
Kisses
Roughest of the drafts
Edit in the morning
PJ Jul 2013
New born babies don't have fully developed lungs

When I was thirteen my mother told me
The story of my birth,
December 29th 1995

She brought me home, but something wasn't
Right, because I was blue and didn't
Move
She took me to the children's hospital
Where I stayed for two weeks, but
This poem isn't about me,

Because there was a lot of other blue babies too
All with the same underdeveloped lungs
And still bodies,
There was one baby
Who was in the room next to mine,
Just beyond the thin hospital curtain

Every night her mother would sit next to
Her, her with tubes up and down her veins
Laying in that little plastic box
Meant to keep the blue babies alive

This women would sing Amazing Grace
To her newborn, and according to my mother
She had a beautiful voice

She was praying nothing would happen
To her blue baby, and so was
My mother, but for me

One night the women's voice wasn't singing
Anymore, the lullaby was over and she
Was screaming
Because I'm the one writing this poem
And her singing couldn't make her baby
Any less blue

That baby's little plastic box couldn't do its job,
So now the mother is feeling the same way

And the screaming was
Heart wrenching, something I never want to
Feel,
A scream my mother never wanted
To hear

Today I went into the ocean
And my lips turned blue, along with my hands and legs
I couldn't help myself from thinking
Of that blue baby and Amazing Grace

Sometimes I wish I was the
Blue baby, and that the Amazing-Grace-Mother's
Words could have meant something
More
Than the stillness of a baby with
Underdeveloped lungs
PJ Jun 2013
Today I said "stop"
and he
Listened

But when I told you
"Not today" you
Laughed

When I said
Thank you
He asked
"For what?"

And when I forced a
"No," you
Smiled a
Crooked
Smile

When I broke
Down, he lifted me
Back up to a
Laugh

And when I let out
A nervous smirk
You translated it into
"Convince me"

When I drove home
Ashamed of
Giving in, I was waiting
To meet a friend
Like him
PJ Jun 2013
When I was ten I would go to work with my mom
She worked at a preschool in a not-so-great town
There was one girl who was my favorite
Her name was Trinitaria.

During nap time she asked me to lay with her, so I did
And I remember she said things to me
That I didn't quite understand

A few days ago I took a child abuse prevention course
Because I'm working at a camp this summer
I went home and asked my mom
About Trinitaria, what happened to her

She looked surprised and worried
She told me her adopted father sexually abused her
It was an ongoing case that I was too young to understand

This course I took taught me the signs of abused children trying to open up
And I suddenly realized I could have helped my friend Trinny

But while her innocence was being stolen, mine was busy shielding my eyes and hiding a reality
She couldn't escape from
PJ May 2013
My friends' depressions bring me more worry and tear-stained-pillow sadness
Than my own self-loathing obsessions ever will

*Lucky for me, I do not have many friends
ironic and sad
PJ May 2013
There is nothing worse in the world than
Yelling, I can't take the pressure
Being put on my back
Waiting
For me to collapse, because
You use those words
To break me
Down, and there is nothing giving me the strength to
Get back up.

So why can't you turn your
Anger into love
The same way I turn my
Sorrow
Into forgiveness?
Please stop
Tearing me
Down,
One yell at a time

I can feel myself
Slipping
Away
PJ May 2013
We drove around town when it was
So early in the morning the neighborhoods were still asleep
And the perfect temperature brought us chills
That ran through our t-shirts, keeping us awake
And feeling alive

The music echoed through empty streets as we sat there,
Smiling at the road ahead
I had that tremendous feeling of just being content
The feeling you get when you
Can't seem to stop smiling because everything is just
So perfect for those few minutes

And when we went back home, we never slept
Because we stayed up all night talking,
I haven't felt that innocent in a long time

I looked up at him and we both smiled
Finally, a friend I could be myself around
Someone who was more concerned about my life
Rather than how much I was willing to put out

"In the most platonic sense of the word, I really do love you"

I wrapped my arms around him after he said this and closed my eyes, because
Driving through those empty streets sharing a feeling
I haven't felt in a while, and hearing those perfect words,
Could put me right to sleep, and they did
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