You are the mental immigrant,
comfortable only when you are foreign

Take me to Geneva in the winter
where our lungs will be crowded with icicles
as our capillaries assemble on edge
each and every one aching just to quiver
like my bottom lip that I simply can't control.

Oblivious to the weather
fueled by a shroud of eager anxiety
that engulfs and embraces my skin
like the quick and even breathes I'm taking
just to stay awake
in something that predicts like a vision.

Follow me close as I perceive this vividly
that the moment wedged between inhale
and exasperated exhale
is flooded with thoughts of you
that I would drown in it willingly
that all I can credit my thoughts to be
is to the speculation if I am lucid dreaming or not
of your lips on mine
of your fingers earnestly entwined in my shaggy hair
as you pull me closer
and I can smell your warmth
and feel your passion through this possibility
that our our hands are locked
like the door of my bedroom
every night
in my empty apartment
because being safe
has taken me 21 years to understand
and even then
the fear shamefully crawls its way into my spine
like the hunter into the carved belly of the bear
for warmth and survival
for protection of incessant guilt.

But it is in this ten seconds
I can finally sink into this fogless reality
of enjoyment and felicity
at long last
the solace refuge.

And in this accelerating sound of assurance
I will teach you the language I studied
in moments so short
that a staccato could fill two lungs tip top
and still be 100 yards behind this message
gawking at the starting line
and as the gun goes off
I am already there
lungs filled
wanting to do justice
with more than just an ***** in my chest
but with the treatment hidden inside skipping beats
and minds running and screaming so loudly
as I'm howling this adamant resonance from the top of the complex
to empty my mind until my throat is sore
until what follows are the neighbors voices escaping angrily open windows
bellowing at me to please turn it down
for the umpteenth time
but I want to remedy this disease
with the softness of your neck
I want to hold you close
with your head nestled in my shoulder
where scars beneath clothes usually sit dishonorably
but not now
because now they know a relentless forgiveness
and amity so authentic
that now I can exhale

I have the windows down
for the first time it's 60 degrees this night.
I'm sweaty from my workout
the breeze is causing the hairs on my arm to stand on end.
The cold is mildly to somewhat uncomfortable,
but I refuse a jacket so I can at least feel something right now.
I blast my ****** up music as high as it can go
so the vibrations hit my arm hairs.
I need the sensation to remember I'm here
as I autopilot this car home.
Anything past my headlights isn't there,
and you can't tell me it is.
Anything closer is a day dream.
And the eye's the prize
because this isn't sweat rolling down my cheek, just my furrowed temple.
That's tears my friend
and salt is all the same when it stings into wounds.
Don't worry, though,
I'll be home soon.
For what that's worth nowadays.

I wonder if I could hang on
I say as I trip into the sun
never been one for balance
as Libras usually come

Bruises tell that in
a heartbeat I'd give myself
as foreign armor

I'll invade your dreams ,
wake you up in a bed sweat
make you sleepwalk through all the things you haven't felt yet
enough is never enough
but what I know is what I know
most things never need a spoiler warning
because they aren't fresh in the first place

365 days ago
I met you
well sort of anyways
in the strangest way
and 365 days ago
I would never know that impact
that is sorely does now
because a year ago I was a clean slate
and now I feel the reverberations
of strong words being forever scratched into my chest
tattooed into my sternum like the biggest regret
that the cover up story is "for the art"
though behind my teeth I know
false tones come from my throat

What is it with you
and pictures of "attractive" girls
with their cigarettes
and half naked bodies
as I'm left standing with my Turkish Royals
watching this
helpless
accompanied by a heavy heart
and ash on my pants
weighed down by your
judgment and disgust?

I struggled to stick a tooth pick in my mouth
conflicted attempts
when a cigarette was already there
resting patiently on my lips
eager for opportunity
ready and waiting it's forever faithful turn
in a line that leads to the fire
that sparks it's beginning
it's short lived life
basked in a soulful resistance
to the care of my body

I like to get drunk and whisper your name

Can easy mac be used
in reference to care and foresight?
Because I can't forsee the reach
I'm about to give
so I'm entangled in an objective
to reach correct perspective
can things such as easy mac be used
to solve this disease?

Everyone
must initial work
because forgery is such
a simple option
stowed away
in a clepto's pocket
paragraphs
among the book

To whence I came?
Who do you think I am?
The fact that I trust my self says
I am a disregarded human being
unto reality
at least tell me that
because I can assure you
no one else actually knows the answers
they just come up with stories
that sound vocally pleasing
and logically teasing
to challenge the brain
so some clues
and general feedback
would be hella nice

I do believe
from a constant watch
that the representation of alignment
is now two score
a side for the rich
and gasp for the poor

Spilled ink means spiders
tread footprints where endeavors
are to be most foul

Life; addiditive or
subtractive, it is still an
art form to fulfill

A queue of just one
in the rain, screaming, lungs filled,
"Bring on the weather!"

Hiding beneath them,
a starving outlier; waiting.
Ready for the sign.

Hearts gorged out
replaced by aesthetics
which are merely diuretics
batting their eyelashes
pretending to be something
they're not

Here and there
changes
tear.
Warning facilitates
timeless
fares.

There is an ocean placed in my head
brewing a rolling storm
lightning strikes
and thunder claps
collapsing what I love  
pouring thousands of beads of water
from the sky
battering my body down  like bats

I'm not a sailor
or a can do tailor
I fear what I've done
casted into bottles
built of sand and salt
it's not my fault
I've lost my way again

The compas rose
is no bouquet to navigate
maps tangent
as the needle corrects my distance
I'm definitely not built to be a sailor
I have no plank, no glass, no tie
no brawn is shown here to tether
salt left the tears to cry
over the cracked mast that supports this vessel
with a skeleton that's barely alive

now let alone I'm not no swimmer
I choke on the sound of simple showers
drown in rain two inches deep
brushing against the dew of fields of flowers
ahead of stands that are just too steep

wading through this mess
this diversion
to keep in mind a confession
yet to suppress it's mild *******
thrown precaution to the wind
currently it's my turn
and I'm diving in
towards response
regarding cautionary rejection

vain to vests as a carpe diem
skillfully a hypocrite in order to believe in
holding onto oxygen like it's a religion
one last take in
hold...
it's out
sinking through to penetrate these waves

Tattoos and cigarettes are not enough to replace your touch

Future breeds
with consequence needs
all in the moment now
that’s right
the morrow is a sorrow
and subject satisfaction
Go on
the hangover
headaches to balconies
happiness in LSD
and the rest of the brigade
because you're a born showman
with zero results
Two times out of ten
you don’t have the call
vanities aside
I’m giving up on all of the toxic
you can’t possibly begin to imagine
how little you seem now

It's coursing
as of right now
trampling feats
and feets alike
cramming counterparts
and awe
into a shed of a shack of wood
on wheels
pulled by once brillig
and bluderbus boys
but the appalling truth of the matter
is it'll downpour
and quench this parade
even if it's pace is merely strolling
in about an hour and a
twenty
you better get rolling
you wouldn't want to go
and miss the best part
just like life
now would you?

The secret to
my life
is simply that
I am

My hands are cold
and I'm hungry
dead in drag
at the age of twenty
missing pearl
isn't that funny?
Kids are gone
and it's not yet Monday

It's nice to be more than just a sound bite
when it's the same song
everywhere you go

filling up ears and music bars
hearts encased with waves
emptying out pages and mason jars
out into the streets

brim this to the top of the alley
sideways glance at the telly
cracks and photographs aplenty  
this one is going to be a riot
for sure

I snapped my shoudler
back and apart
my girlfriend's a schizophrenic
and I'm shy to sandcastles
The crank lost it's last *****
a one person axe yard
because he's married to smokes
though the cutest couple
goes to Columbia and Magenta
as Batman's into bandanas
so put one on the handle
though a wrist will be as good as plenty
as the campfire fades away
with gentlemen of sorts

What was once used
is now hung up on walls
decorations
once toiled in work
for the eyeing pleasure
of the inconsiderate

I wouldn't put it past you
to put me out
so instead come a little closer
see what it is
you can deny it
and shut me down
or you can take it
and appreciate
understand
I'm putting it in your reach this time
stretching a little further
it's dangerous for me
but I'd always extend myself
no matter the costs
all for you

Everything important
folded
stuffed in a pocket
tossed in a pile worth
two cents
richer
tiny compartments of
litter still bitter

That night
when cults was blasting in your bathroom
and you were singing along
at the tip top of your lungs
that is when I knew.
That's when I fell in love with you
and all your little things.

I'm consumed by frozen thought
when you ask such things
there's not enough moments
to consider what is even happening
around me
I jolt
I'm left to irrational thinking
as an entirety
my mind is not awake
but busting like hell on overdose
Bustling with industrious city streets
thrusted to the marrow with teeming life
I can't concentrate
and my body stiffens
I appear like I don't care
like I don't feel
like I'm not there
because I'm not
and yet I am
sure thing
the answers don't formulate well in my head
as you have heard
but still i travel so far in my efforts
to conjure a word
a thought
maybe even an inkling
of what I'm going to spurt next
alas again I am left void of words
none whatsoever
all of this taking places
so rushed
it feels like a dozen hours
wrought to the bone with anxiety
when it has only in reality
been a handful of seconds
ticking away
as I am left blank
in which you are leaving
breathes taken fast
like this is all ending
you just get up and leave
my thoughts are perplexed
how am i supposed to continuously handle that?
Dish this out too often
I'm starving on this abandonment
in weak hours and my most fragile moments
you didn't kiss me goodbye
threads left open
and sore
my heart aches as I can'y sleep this night
you left me
again
and as you had raced to pack
you left me crying as you went about
just as you do
you just got up
and left me
why am I not used to this by now?
again

Minds over what matters
rules swelling rocks
that erupt this blink term
crumbs littering the corners of my sight
admitted to a passion so bleak
My thumb holds more
than this reception heals
more than it reaps
less than it sows
there's no hands for hire
I want to feel something real
wary at four in the morning
or at night
when the records come on
opening files and folders
ripping deep in sensation
as this shakes my state

I found a whistle
now lets have some fun
weekend wars
yeah its overwhelming
but what with sleepwalking scandals
hookah in every open door
it's shutting on your hand
Here it comes
night on the sun
mad as rabbits
we yearn for a nourishment solute
Jimmy is colorblind
running the counter
bring in the cavalry
give him your thoughts
on a fleeting education
I've got your money.
so what are you going to do?
Pursuits are happiness
and a recluse is a muse.
Here it comes
night on the sun
mad as rabbits
we yearn for sewn on patches
cigarettes
canteens of barter
keys and a whisk
savor stay at home peace
make the money off of the cancer sticks
and I'll present to you medication
because you look so fine
Go on
you look so ravishingly devine

Perspiration
on a dime
just because distance stems roots
doesn't mean everything
or anything
will change
will be different
will go wrong
trust me

Handheld
and brain dead
looking for a job
written up on side speak
mouths pursed
poised to ****
remember their last sentence
lingering
judgements held high in the air
hanging more years to a life
keen on redemption
enclosed in a
wall space
that is producing the paralyzed
as pockets burst
with the reward
of amounts that would make you sick to your stomach
and
a familiar breath is all you need

I love to sleep
I pretend I forget
I take it in doses
pretending I’m dead
and as I awake
It’s a shun just to know
that I’m ****** into the next day
with nothing to show
except empty lined pockets
turned out just to tell
running from this life
with soles smooth as hell
I neglect all ambition
and travel on foot
a shadow for companion
and at nights I take note
that this is not the last time
that I will fill this void
with ripped up repeats
and pieces that don’t fit
into my life
I’m a traveling band
that plays music so solemn
a soundtrack to my days
spent reused and for joy
written on misuse
and caution signs beware
that one day ill find you
and you won’t believe
the way my eyes scream for help
and you’re the air that I breathe
I’m more than depressed
more than they say
and your time won’t be wasted
on a misfit like me
I’m more than broken
I’m more than just the surface
because I used to lose control
I misplaced the intentions
but now I’m waiting here blind folded
bracing my self
waiting for the gun to go off
hoping ill be blown away
and I’ll wake up
look into that mirror
and know that someday
I’ll hear someone whisper…
“You’re the one”

Little laughs
bring miniscul justice
to the fiends who
deem it so

Namesake factories
throats built for
circumstance
going to be involved
character
dealt upon a crap hand
dealership
fighting a feasibly sliced
stack of chance
allotted with time
and pollution
that's why I love
simple
perfect
even for sensitive skins

Try me
that's not a challenge
but see what happens
I don't even know
for sure
it scares me
they say
three strikes and you’re out
I give second chances
too easily
I’ve learned the hard
way
many a time before
when do I learn to stop
and say anything
like that’s not right
or hey
that hurts
please stop
or it will hurt more
when I decide to say
that’s enough
trust me
I’ve learned my lesson
I know I can’t handle it
it rips me open
and exposes the tendons
and I bleed everywhere
broken

Deaden
eat the anesthetic
immobilize
you've swallowed the sickness
tense
and digest
realize
the condition is terminal
if you keep on
this prosthetic infection
numb
gone to affection
substantial reality
unfeigned
you're taking wired
deceit
and tainted
addictive
lies
hollow promises
that fade out
and two time your eyes
that engorge in getting progressively
horrendous
planting a holocaust within your
insides
that hurts
that stains
that agonizes
the many around you
those few close to you
ripping them up
destroying that one that would do anything
for you
their lives
and yes you too
it doesn't forget
it can't
it takes it all into account
even when you don't
when you can't
it gleefully watches the struggle
the diseased suffering
and you keep on trekking that
self destructive trail
in the midst of a mist
so unsure
and insecure
keeping you grounded
in a life that's actually not
and it's turning those
in sequence
to actually nots
recall?
but you don't
or can't
who can tell?
but
instead of ruining
this real world
live what's actually there
face it
with them
and yourself
as just yourself
even with the little
painsake mistakes
there's a
glistening future ahead
refine time
to be here
awake
nothing else
but you
alive

Just want an excuse to kiss me
not allowed
please would you like to
stop that this instance
I can’t see over you
your forehead
and high horse
it's going to have to learn
you need to actually
shut the door
and shut your face
stop that ****
is it cracked?
Go back and stack that
thank you
give me some credit
I like the music
and I do this for a living

Sit up
head back
listen to the words
**** that too
I’m sorry man
No
people
I don’t even have to say that
so
would you terribly mind?
I didn't realize
honestly
please don’t take this off
don't let me take this
the wrong way
refrain
no one wants to see that
poisoning
the water supply
feeling efficient
you're pretty **** close
woah
step back
and excuse your unwanted
interjections

It's like you cut me down
and I went into defensive mode
but really
it was a shut down
pull the plug
and I became numb
gave up
extensive
falling into the depths of sleep
I'm just an idiot
waiting here
not wanting you to feel awful
but right now
for now
I'm gone

I will never get the imprint of those words
out of my head
not this
no
it can't follow suit
please
it's framed in my skull

Excuse me sir
the mirrors talk
and in this hole
they say you can reach a million
that you can stir wonder in many
but it's cheap entertainment
really though
it's all in good fun
I say it's just a start