What would you do if your heaven became your hell?

i wish i could escape the thought
of her kissing my cheek
my lips
my neck
but it plays over and over in my head
like a song.

i wish i could escape the thought
of him being just a memory
no longer in flesh, rather
a flashback of my youth.

i wish i could escape the thought
of his hand
lingering too long on my back
or grazing my chest.

i wish i could escape the thought
of tears rolling down her cheek
as i tell her about that night
knowing my pain all too well.

i wish i could escape the thought
of not being good enough
of being a disappointment
to them
to myself.

i wish i could escape the thought
of not stepping on the brake
of having one too many
of seeing crimson liquid spilling from my wrist.

maybe then,
i could finally
escape.

I hear our song playing in the back of my mind
As I lay awake at night
Replaying what happened a thousand times over.

I can’t help falling in love with you

It’s impossible to let you go
You ask me why we can’t just go back
To the way things were

Normal again.

But I can’t be around you anymore
Without feeling your breath on my skin
Your hand in mine
The taste of your kiss on my lips
The sting of the pain still fresh

So if you ask me why we can’t just be friends
Try to understand that no matter how hard I try to forget

I can’t help falling in love with you.

That was the night that everything
Changed.
The night I no longer felt beautiful
When I felt less like a person
And more like a body.
That was the night that I lost all my
Trust.
When he says he just wants a cup of coffee
But I expect something more.
That was the night that I truly felt
Hate.
Towards him.
Towards myself.
I gave him the wrong impression.
I never said no.
It was my fault.
It was my fault.
It was my fault.
But maybe
Just maybe
It wasn’t.