I could have waited for you but that seemed like a waste or both mine and your time.
I could have loved you but it was the wrong time and the wrong place.
Isn't always the wrong place and time isn't it?
When the person you thought you love finally gave up on you.
When they just changed directions on you.
When everything you thought you once knew has done a complete 180,
and you're just stuck in the spin.
One day you're going to see what you left behind.
One day you'll remember what we could of had.
But when that day comes,
I won't be standing here waiting for your love.
I'll be too busy learning to love myself.

Then those eyes followed my every move until I couldn't handle it anymore.
Now those eyes don't haunt me anymore.

Then those lips use to speak my name over and over again to the point that it burned my memory.
Now those lips don't set my lungs on fire.

Then those hands would hold onto me so softly that I could feel no pain.
Now those hands let me go so that I wouldn't have to deal with your pain.

Everything about you that use to get to me,
doesn't hurt me anymore.

I've moved on.

I hope that you find happiness with someone one day.
If you can.

I want to be kissed.
Not by a stranger.
I want to press my lips against yours,
And place my hands behind the bend of your neck.
I want to feel you pull my bottom lip in slightly.
I want to pull apart and lean my forehead against yours.
I want you to tell me I did a good job.
I want to look into your eyes and believe it.

I want to tease you about that God awful hat,
And tell you that you can't steal a kiss unless you take it off.
I want to see the smile escape your lips as you get playful.
I want to fill the presence of your giant hand enclosing my small one.
I want to have meaningless conversations in my truck late at night.
I want to drive to your house and hear your dad tell you that you messed up,
That you shouldn't have left me,
That I was the right girl.
I want you to agree with him.
And I want you to mean it.

I want longer than what I got with you.
I wish that I could go back in time and stop myself from stepping back for her.
I thought you'd be happy then.
I thought that was all I needed.
I wish I could find comfort without you here.
I wish I could find comfort in myself.
I wish I could forget about the lists,
Of things you wanted,
And if the things you wanted for us.

I pace the room and get no answers.
Every message I type,
I erase.
Every call I dial,
I hang up.
Every comment I want to say,
I keep inside.
Because you don't feel the same.
I'm not what you wanted...

I just want to kiss you until my lips fall off,
And have you look at me the way you look at any other girl.

All these sleepless nights,
All these tears,
All the thoughts of you,
Have me here holding onto my knees.
I'm spending my time,
With a bottle to my lips,
With a blade to my skin,
With regret on my mine.
They tell me that you're no good.
They tell me that you're not good enough.
They tell me that I should leave you alone.
But has anyone asked me what I want to say?
How I feel?
About you,
About this all.
No.
So I just wait for a time where I am good enough.
Or for it all to end.