I have always thought
That you were the
Only person
Who could make me smile
When it seemed impossible

But you are not here
I am alone
With my tea
And my overwhelming
Thoughts

I am the only one
Who can cheer myself up
Because I am the only one
Who can truly
Bring myself down
And I deserve better
Than to wallow
In my misery

I would be a fool
To ignore the past
But I have been a fool
For letting it
Control me

Change is inevitable
For the future
And impossible
For the past
All we can do
Is look forward
In belief that we can
Make it better
Than before

You and I
Have changed
As individuals
And as a pair
The mistakes we have made
Have changed us
And molded us
Into who we are

Maybe the future us
Could be better
Than the past us
Take a leap of faith
With me

I need to know
That I won't wake up tomorrow
To cold sheets
And a new hole
In my heart

I need to know
That a few sips
Or a whole fifth
Won't make you
Forget me

I need to know
That I can give you
All I have and more
And you will stay
Until our inevitable
Separation

I need to know
That you will be
My best friend
And believe in me
When I can't believe
In myself

I just need to know
That love can last
Forever

I don't know
How to tell
If I love you again

I don't know if I ever
Stopped

They say distance
Makes the heart grow fonder
It seems you have grown
In my heart
From 850 miles away

You lit a flame
That not even
Michigan winters
Could touch

I want to curl up
Beside you
And fall asleep
In the crook of your neck
Like you curled up
Inside my bones
To keep me warm
From within

There are so many things
I want to say
but my brain is all fuzzy
and nothing makes sense
except for the fact
that I can still feel your lips
on mine

Open my heart
Like an old book
Read me
Like a familiar comfort
Run your finger
Down my softened spine

You are written
Between the lines
On every page
Folded in creases
Saving a place
For later
You have always been
My favorite story

I've been bogged down
In this quicksand
Of self-destruction
Pushed further
By poisonous
Contempt

But I am finding the strength
In my bones
In my muscles
In my soul
To climb out
Of this abyss
Rise from these ashes
Destroy what
Destroys me

I will not let
Anything
Or anyone
Hold me back

If you ever feel alone
Look to the stars
And I promise
I'm looking at them
Too

Even after everything
You've always been the one
To make me laugh
Through pouring tears
And forget why
I cried in the first place

It isn't easy
To love myself again
If all I hear
Are more reasons
Convincing me that I'm
Worthless

I can't change
Back to who I was
To who I want to be
When I'm being held by memories
That you can't seem to
Let me forget

I make mistakes
A lot
Because I learn the hard way
I wish my best friend
Could accept me
But maybe I've done too much
Taken it too far
Maybe there's no
Turning back

You held me in your arms again last night
And I swear
I've never felt more
At home

I wonder if it makes you stronger
To make me weak
Do you get those muscles
From my lack of
Dignity?
You pull your power
From my weary heart
Because I am
An inexhaustible source
Drain my soul
And I'll still be here
Begging for you to
Come back

when i had a voice
i could scream the emotions
out from my tattered lungs
beat my vocal chords to death
with apologies and pleading
stain my broken lips
with vengeance and promises
i knew i couldn't keep

but my voice only brought
destruction
and chaos
shattering the world around me
leaving stains in souls
and holes in innocence

it is easier to be silent
to hold my monstrous tongue
behind solemn lips
while the truth rages on inside
behind my cold eyes
my lips are sealed
and so is my word

We set fire to each other
Burning from the inside
Destroying what we have left
To give each other
But we smolder together
Every touch brings more heat
You pour lava down my spine
I light the fire in your belly
Our passion burns brighter
Than any star could ever dream

You lit me from within
And only you can tend to
The fire
This flame will only burn
As long as we acknowledge it
My volcanic heart is pulsing
If we both erupt
There may be no fixing
The damage

If you had her
You would not need me
To remind you
Of all the sweet memories
The passion we had

You'd be making new memories
Maybe you're thinking
Of her
While you're looking
At me

Because you know
What I will give you
But it isn't me
You want it from

I am on trial
And my sins
Are my testimony
My defense is pathetic
Crumbling under the weight
Of your
Disappointment
I cannot win this case
When I can't even
Believe myself
Everything I say
Can and is used against me
In your court
The jury is your peers
Convicting me on one night
Of blurry evidence
I'll wear this number
Forever burned in my memory
Guilty as charged

The metallic tang
Of disinfectant still
Haunts me
I remember the papery rustle
Of thin sheets
Against your cotton gown
And the constant mask
Of pain
That painted your
Innocent face

You've never looked so young
And I've never felt so old
I can't forget
How you grabbed my hand
And asked me to stay
With pleading eyes
And my heavy heart
Chained me to that bed
I would have stayed there forever

You'll use the excuse
That tastes like apple
And burns like poison
To justify your lust
And your desire to hurt
But drunk actions
Are honest thoughts
And you have never been more
Truthful

It gets awfully lonely
Without a haven
A safe home
To turn to
When all hope seems
Lost

I destroyed my haven
I set you ablaze and left you to
Burn
I turned my back
When I should have stayed
By your bed
In your darkest
Hour

You've been rebuilt
By a different
Homemaker
Who kindles a flame
Within you
And tends to it
With care

I watch from the cold
While you are warmed
By new light
And wonder
If I'll ever be home
Again

You are gone
But you left yourself
In parts of me
That now feel
Hollow

I will give up on you
I will let you go
I will let you be
Hers
Because you will be happy
And after everything
I've put you through
You deserve
A little light
In your life

I can't tell you
Who I am
In 250 words
Or less

My test scores
Say nothing
About the way my smile
Lights up my face
When I talk about
Something I love

My GPA tells you
Nothing
About the way
I react
To stressful situations

I can't describe
My life
With words on a page
Because letters
Don't show you
The tilt of my head
Or the expressions
On my face

I am not a statistic
Or a number
I am a girl
With reasons to love
And dreams to fulfill

Do not put me
In a box
I will color
Outside the lines
And draw circles
Inside of squares

I am not a number
Do not count me
With the rest
But never
Count me out

Jealousy
Is not a hatred
Of another
And their possessions

Jealousy
Is a hatred
Of one's self
For lacking
Something
That another has

I am jealous of her
Because your friendship with her
Is easy
Simple
The way we used to be
I hate myself
Because I cannot
Be that good
To you
Or for you
And I'll never forgive myself for it

It seems
I have been misplaced
Again

I no longer belong
In the niches
I used to fit perfectly into

I don't seem
To occupy
The same spaces
That seemed like they were
Meant for me

Someone changed the puzzle
And I am still a piece
Of a different jigsaw
My corners do not match
My shape does not mold
To the same places
I once belonged

I am out of place
And I fear
There will never be
A space
For me

It would be nice
To escape my brain
Just for an hour
Or so

I wouldn't have to think
About everything
That weighs me down
Maybe if I had no brain
I could fly

I wouldn't have to worry
About everything
That holds me back
Maybe without a brain
I could break free

I could escape
The thoughts
That plague my mind
And poison my body
Maybe I could be
Clean

It might be nice
To take a break from
My brain and my mind
Sometimes sanity
Is just too much
Of a burden

It's funny how easy
It is to lie
When the words
Are on a screen
In black and white
No emotion

"I'm fine"
Is easier to say
When the tears
Are silent
And my voice
Can't shake

I used to be the girl
Who swore she would never
Drink
I promised I would never
Smoke
I never imagined
Having ***

Now I'm the girl
Who drinks occasionally
Because sometimes
It's easier to forget
Than to face reality

Maybe I'll become
The girl who smokes
To prove everyone wrong
Or the girl who *****
To hide her insecurity

Maybe I'll become
Everything I swore
I could never be

I am torn

Half of me
Wants us back
Rekindling
The love we had
Making new memories

Half of me
Knows we aren't
Meant to be

It kills me knowing
What I want most
Is what's worst for me
For us

I can't be your friend
I can't be your lover
I never know
Where we stand

I fit into your arms
But I'm afraid
If I go back now
I'll never be able
To leave

You are not in love with me
And I am not in love with you
Love is easy
Simple
Love is giving
Selfless
You don't destroy the person you love

You and I
Cannot get over each other
Because we cannot bear
To see the other
With someone else

I don't know if you want me
Or the memory of me
I miss the way
Things used to be

I don't know if that's possible again

It's terrible
To be in love
With someone who constantly
Tears you to pieces

Because the only thing
That will fix you
Is their touch
Stitching you back together

He and I
Are patchwork quilts
With stitches
In our stitches
And new holes fraying
As fast as we mend them

I'm putting down
My needle and thread
I'm done sewing
And I'm done with
New holes

We will never be
New and whole again
But our quilt
The details in the fabric
The scars of our past
The hope for our future
Will always be
My favorite one

It's just that
I had a terrible night
And I want to talk to you
Because you always make me
Forget the pain
And nothing seems as bad
When I'm with you

But I can't talk to you
I don't know how

I want my best friend back
But  you don't
Want me here

Maybe you'd be happier
If I never existed
I hate myself
For causing you pain
And stress
Because I want to be
The one to make everything bad
Just go away
But then I myself
Would have to
Disappear

For your sake
I would

I have never been a good swimmer
I can't jump in a pool
Without plugging my nose
I can't hold my breath
Underwater
I can't tread water
When the waves are high

I am drowning
In the push and pull
Of this riptide
The waters are churning
And so is my mind

We will never be
Calm waters
So we'll slip beneath
Into the comforting arms
Of numbing pain
Maybe we'll find each other again
Someday

There is nothing I can do
To make you want me
In your life
Like I want you in mine
And I guess
That's what hurts
More than anything

I am not your friend
But you will always be mine

I used to float
Weightless and free
In a sea of blue green
But now I'm just drowning
Slipping father under
There's no way out
Of this blue green
Abyss

I was never a jealous person
Until I met you
I envy your sheets
That comfort you
In your restless sleep
I envy the sun
That kisses your face awake
In the tired morning
I envy the cold
That settles into your bones
And stirs your blood
I am a jealous person
Because I want to be
Something you need
But I am not

We have tried
To be together
Many times
And each time
Ended the same
In heartbreak
And fighting

We have tried
To be apart
Many times
And each time
Is the same
With jealousy
And loneliness

We crave each other
Yet we never work
We're attractive
And repulsive
This twisted electromagnetivity
Keeps me to you
And pushes me away
So I guess
We'll just pulsate
In a constant state
Of confusion

I wish I was a tattoo
Permanent and unforgettable
But all I am is pencil
Already half-erased
Wishing I hadn't been
Such a mistake

I've known you
For three years
But it may as well
Have been
Our entire lives

We didn't grow up together
But you grew into me
And I into you
So our lives
Are entwined
Irreversably
You discovered parts of me
That I didn't know
Existed
You never changed me
But you made me
The best version
Of myself

I cannot cast you away
You are not a thought
Or a memory
You reside in my bones
You trickle through my veins
You are a corner of my heart
I owe the wrinkles on my face
To all the times
You made me smile
I'll never lose
The parts of you
That make up me

I wish
I were the kind of person
Who could let everything
Roll of their back
I wish I could laugh
In the face of trouble
And take it on
With my head held high

I watched you crumble
You went through hell
And I could only sit by
But you didn't need help
You overcame yourself
Your body was destroying itself
And you fought back
Nothing could keep you
Down
Nothing could defeat your spirit
When you were at your worst
You became your strongest

I can't forget you
Not simply because
I loved you
But you inspired me
Changed me
Proved to me that
Nothing is impossible

It's a cruel cycle
We've become a rut
And I can predict
Our future
The harder I cling
To our past and memories
The easier it is
For you to forget them
But as soon as I
Begin to look forward
You pull my hair
And whisper in my ear
As soon as I begin to give
You turn your back again
We never seem
To face each other
So maybe
We should stand
Side by side

The board meeting
Isn't going well
No one can seem
To agree on anything
The politicians are fierce
And convincing
And I've never been good
At making decisions
My head is spinning
With their arguments
Scrolling through lists
Of pros and cons

There's no way out of this
Someone has to get hurt
For me to be happy
But will I be happy
Knowing that it came
At someone else's expense?

Meeting ajourned
For now

i think the day
i stop writing poetry
about you
will be the day
you stop reading it

the day you stop
wondering
about my life
and how im doing

or maybe you already have

My mother is a vegetarian
I grew up on tofu and kale
We eat meatless meatballs
And always try new organic foods
I know about healthy

Your are the candy
I convince myself I don't need
But still eat anyway

You poison my body
Spreading through my veins
Infecting me
From the inside out

You chip away at my strength
Deteriorate my self esteem
So I'm convinced I need you

I know about healthy
So how did I end up
In such an unhealthy place?

We used to be in love
Not even once upon a time

We used to go for drives
And spend hours
Just talking

We sang to each other
Badly
But we smiled through
The words

We held hands
Kissed each other
Goodbye

Fell asleep together
Made memories together

We had the kind of love
That some people spend
An entire lifetime
Trying to find

We were best friends
And lovers
In the most innocent
Sense of the word

I wonder if you remember
Loving me

You used to tell me
You always looked back
Whenever we parted
I wish I knew
If that was true
Because now
I'm the one
Always glancing back
To the bittersweet pain
Of watching you
Walk away