Another year is coming soon
Anticipation mixed with doubt
For growth and knowledge there is room
My fear is that I will be found out
Its times like these that make you think
Of life, and love, and death, and pain
And as through times quicksand I sink
My lack of life and love bring shame
Even the cross sometimes is thinly veiled
Its brilliance lost with each passing day
My sin requires His grace like bounteous field
The more  I age, I see I need Him all the way.

I fake it from the start
always turning off my heart.
It makes things easier that way.
At least for as long as you stay.
Emotions blocked off like a dam
til I start to lose who I am
No catcher in the rye
to keep my lonely life from slipping by
the watchers only wait to see
if anything is left of me
or if it vanished in the silent stream.
Only to be found again in someone's dream,
Or Nightmare of what they might become
if they can't forgive them-self for what they've done.

I don't know what to say or how to start.
But you need to know your story pains my heart.
The brokenness of life is often without reason.
And God can seem distant through the darkest season.
Always remember when life wears you out.
Jesus Sighed
When Life makes you sad.
Jesus Cried.
And when life brings you to the point of Doom.
never ever forget
Jesus Died.

When human hearts come to collide
The flaws of each are hard to hide.
And harder still each passing day
Till every block is thrown away.
We come to fear this truth so much,
That we flee the slightest nudge, the faintest touch.

Thou our fears may be plain and true.
You could hurt me; I could hurt you.
We tend to only see the person standing there.
The color of their eyes, their clothes, their hair.
We see the flaws: both on the in and out,
And some times our own merits do we doubt.

Yet this approach leaves out a vital part.
One we didn't finish, and one we didn't start.
It has to do with one mans death upon a cross.
Who couldn't bring us in without so great a loss
And rose again to name us all His own
And will have through our broken lives His glory shown.

So fear not when heart collisions come!
They're founded now, soley on what Christ has done!

My simple, awkward, unperfected prose
will never be compared or even see the light of day
against the beauty or importance of any Shakespeare Rose
even these rhymes are difficult to understand or say.

The truth is most of us will be forgotten or swept aside
we cannot keep or hold the attention  of such a crazy world.
Instead we are here and gone faster than the changing tide,
our best efforts, the almost perfect moments end up being hurled.

I say it's time instead to accept our imperfections
take chances that may leave us without a thing
ignore the popular opinion; the inevitable objections
stop waiting for what will be brought and see what we can bring.

It's only when we try and fail and try again
That we live a life not thinking of what might have been.

I want to jump out of a plane.
Not to die, but to feel
Wind against my face
Weightlessness, freedom
Adrenaline rush of it all
Quit sitting and looking
For cheap thrills, artificial experiences
Even the feelings will end.
Yet I will want more
Always wanting more
Never satisfied, never enough
Living is more than feeling
More than thrills or rushes
More than the sum of experiences
What have I done, left behind
Is anything my own
Or am I just passing through
Passing vapor?
I need to learn that life is more than jumping out of airplanes
How can I die, and end up learning how to live
Not just feel

Alone, sometimes if feels like rain.
Pours or sprinkles, cold or warm
It often hits me like a storm
And also causes a striking pain

I don't know what to do or where to go
My first reaction is usually sin
A dark kind that comes from deep within
And only ever leaves me feeling low

I fast forget my Lord and Savior, Christ.
My life, love, redemption, cornerstone
That through his life and death was shown
For my sin he paid the greatest price.

In the End he did it all to say.
He loves me and is with me all the way.

Night driving makes me calm.
Speed underfoot, and direction in palm.
I can go really fast or slow
Destination: I don't even know
Don't really have to share the road
I feel like I stop to erode.
I don't have to think of all the things I have to do
I get to dream of what it would be like if everything were new.
If life didn't always wear me down.
Make me frown.
Kick me around.
If the right decisions weren't always hard.
And my choices were not always with selfishness marred.
Divider lines go flying by.
Can't always live my life asking "why?"
Sometimes we have to do the best with what we got.
Even if its not a lot.
And the outcomes sometimes rot.
Do we really believe that God will work it all?
Even when we slip and fall.

Time can be like snow.
Covers things up before we even know.
What happened or where things went.
It hides the deterioration and the flaws,
But then it thaws.
Exposing what we didn't mind being forgotten;
Even preferring it that way.
As if the snow makes it go away.

There is one greater that promises not a covering of snow,
But a restoration to where one wouldn’t even know
That what before we wanted to hide
Is now beautiful
Because of nails in hands and a spear in the side.
He saw the mess we wanted kept out of sight,
And for the joy set before him—made things right.

This is what I think of:
Smiles and jokes
Dreams and hopes.
Laugh and a hug
truth and love.
I hope your commitment never wains.
Even through hardships, sorrows, and pains.
Remember Christ above all.
When one of you will no doubt fall.
Your love gives hope that I
Will find a love before I die.
What you have is a gift from God.
And keep him as the unwavering rod.
          For he will never fail you.
Think also on faith and hope along with love
which is in relation to the other two this: above.

Sun Sets as I descend
From the clouds, passing vapors
The last light of day
Disappearing beyond the distant
horizon. All day graced by
its light. I realize it's almost
gone. Yet though I regret
my lack of appreciation.
The Suns final moments
are its most beautiful moments.
The Sun will rise again
It doesn't hold grudges

So are God's mercies new
every morning. Tomorrow
when i see the sun rise
it will remind me of
That awesome fact.

Lost
Ending
Fading Falling
What once was
has slipped away
only remnants remain
remnants of a once spectacular sight
or was it a spectacular mirage?
The mind and eyes play tricks
on one who through the desert wanders.
purposeful,
or perhaps even the wandering is running
Fast away from anything good, or true, or beautiful
They say the truth will set you free,
but when the truth is more terrifying than the lie
which is more desirable?
Freedom or the escape from that which you most fear?
Pain from revelation of whats hidden deep down
or Exhaustion from keeping hidden what is buried?
Pain will eventually result in healing, restoration
                   EVENTUALLY!
                   How Long?
                   What will it take?
Exhaustion will only result in weariness and surrender
Yet though I "know" the right
I still cannot choose

My life consists of walk-by smiles
Shallow, lacking any real depth
No burning passion, or even deep regret
Just small ones--here or there
That culminate into something more.
My walk is sometimes slow and sometimes fast.
I love the pretty girls that smile back.
But a smile is only that, a smile
It is here and gone again.
The brief excitement or fuzzy feelings fade
Into nothing but the cold breeze against my face
Reminding me that somethings missing.
It is more than just the smiles
They are only a small piece of the whole
The feelings of an incomplete existence
One lacking so much love and joy
Filled with busyness, addictions and indifference
Feeding the bad with attempts to remove
But lacking the courage to fill with good
Perhaps too much pride, or doubting I deserve
All of it let alone a little
Resolution eludes me even now
So many distractions deepening the disillusionment
Will the walk-by smile life ever lead
To stopping, a hello, even coffee or tea...
I usually make too big a deal,
but I see the problem is probably me.

It means trusting even if trusting is dangerous.
It means giving even when gifts are treated as frivolous.
It means caring when there is no gain to be had.
It means opening my heart so its not iron-clad.
It means listening when open ears are hard to find.
It means holding fast even though life can sometimes grind.
It means doing the right thing despite the cost.
It means sacrificing all, knowing it might still be lost.
It is loving in such a way the other can see.
That the only reason I can even love is because Christ first loved me.