I wonder what people think when they see me walk by.

Do they see all the pain I try so desperately to hide?

What would happen if I told you how I feel?

Would you help me realize that it’s all just not real?

If someone would help by going that extra mile,

then maybe I could find another reason to smile.

Perhaps I’d finally be able to take off this mask,

all I need is for you to come up and ask.


-m.j.

And I can’t listen to my favorite songs,
Because they remind me of you and how you’re gone.
The way the voices express love and pain,
Triggers thoughts of you inside my brain.
The way you looked at me while I sang to you,
I saw the love that I thought was true.
Although I was no good, you didn’t seem to care,
You loved when I sang while playing with your hair.
Now when I hear these words, those that I used to show you my love,
All these emotions I must now shove.
I want to hear the music that I loved so much,
Without missing the feeling of your touch.


-m.j.

I hate waking up in the middle of the night.

I’m no longer tired, I just lay there in bed.

And all the while there’s a constant fight,

one that takes place in my head.

I’m torn between feeling everything, and having no emotion whatsoever.

And all through the evening, this battle I have to whether.

Only one thing is for sure, only one that I know.

All my feelings for her, hit me with their hardest blow.

For no matter what happens, my love for her will always be present.

If only I could go back and change my actions, them maybe I wouldn’t feel this torment.

I will always love you, no matter where we are.

If only you knew, how I wish you weren’t so far.


-m.j.

And tonight I saw you for the first time since that day.

You were gorgeous as ever, sitting there across the room.

I wanted to go up and talk to you, but I had no idea what to say.

But that you don’t want to talk to me was all I could assume.

It was hard to see you there and not keep my eyes stuck on you.

That you are the most beautiful girl I have ever met is still something I believe to be true.

It is hard knowing that all that I feel, you feel none of it.

While you were sitting there, I could tell I did not cross your mind.

Knowing that really made me feel like ****,

and it made me remember what you left behind.

Suddenly, all the memories we shared came back to me,

of how I used to be your ‘dead sea.’

You said that I saved your life.

What you do not know is that having you prevented me from ending mine.

There were so many times you prevented me from turning to the knife

and for that I will thank you until the end of time.

The only problem is that you made me fall for you hard,

and the day you left will always leave me scarred.


-m.j.

And I’m rapidly going insane,

with these crazy thoughts inside my brain.

I try to push them out, to hold on tight,

but it gets the hardest to do so this time of night.

I wish I could just step off this roller coaster, and hold on to something stable,

but that will never happen until I’m flat on the table

So i must push forwards with all these thoughts,

continuing this battle that must always be fought.


-m.j.

and now that i know you’re completely gone

it feels so good to look at the light of this brand new dawn.

as the sun rises i feel the past fade,

and my debts to you have been completely paid.

there is someone new, someone better,

and something happened that i thought would never.

i find myself longing for somebody new,

somebody completely different from you.

these new found feelings took me by surprise,

and i know this is better, now that i’m wise.

for i won’t have to change to keep her near,

and i really do like her, that is very clear.


-m.j.

you are my best friend

you are always there with me, wherever i go, day or night

we spend all of our time together, and do everything together

we laugh, we cry, we share all of our thoughts and feelings

although i don’t always see you by my side, i can still feel your presence

you have a fit when things are going well

you seem oddly pleased when things are not

it’s as if me feeling sad and alone makes you happy

what kind of friend feels that way towards someone

the worse part is that i don’t know how to be me without you

you are a major part of me, and have been with me for so long

although i know how unhealthy you are for me, there’s no way to get rid of you

as ****** up as it is i need you in my life

as ****** up as it is i’m not me without you


-m.j.