I'm obsessed with the ideA
I'm enraged by the lack                      
I want it for m[y]self
S[o] I can j[u]st feel.
Feel it in my body
Live it in my mind
Caress me with the REality
That maybe one day it can find

Me.
_________________­___

It'll never be.
What you want it to be.
Everything seems perfect.
From the other side.
And when you get there,
It's nothing like you thought.
Nothing.
Never is, never was
Never will be.

Get used to it

-
'11

In the house of God I lay,
Waiting for my Lord to take me there.
That place in which we are forbidden,
But of it, are constantly aware.
Dressed of faith in black and white,
My savior takes my hand.
He lays me on the altars' steps,
And tells me his demands.
"In this game we're about to play,
You shall be thy sister.
In beliefs, heart, soul, and blood,
Bounded like a twister.
In the eyes of the Lord now,
I shall make you mine.
We must sin here in ecstasy,
Acting out our crime."
I say my prayers, and close my eyes,
Waiting for his blessings.
A blessing cursed with wicked glee,
And also me *******.
As nun and priest we give ourselves,
To not only God, but to each other,
We're not really who we say we are,
But I still love him as my brother.

This pain in my heart,
I haven't felt it
In a while.
There is a breaking, tearing, surging
Feeling in my chest
From the thought of saying goodbye.
Goodbye, only for a little while,
But the heart doesn't keep track of time.
The heart just feels what is now,
And now, I'm saying goodbye.
Goodbye, my love, and even though I'll see you soon,
The heart doesn't know that,
And it aches for the touch of you.
Good luck, I'll miss you,
And everyone else will too.
You'll never be alone.
The heart doesn't know that though,
And it cries out for us from you.
I love you honey, so much it hurts to say,
But the heart doesn't know you're coming back
So it hurts to say I love you, anyway.
My heart knows I love you, and it knows you love me too.
But it doesn't know when you'll be home, so it aches,
And aches for you.
_

'10

Black jeans, skin tight,
Are wrapped around your legs.
Oh how they show off your figure.
And how it makes me want you
In every way.

Your body is hard, like stone,
But your skin is soft and smooth.
I touch and feel those hips of yours,
and I'm gasping,
Do you want me too?

Your arms are sleek and fast,
Your fists, so strong, break bones.
The shadows define your muscle,
And they make it so hard,
For me to say no.

Black hair, long and straight,
Accents your chizzled face.
Your eyes are pure seduction,
And oh that dark, dark smirk,
Makes me ******* fate.
_

'10

Oh, how I wish I could get you back.
They way you used to look,
Act,
Think,
Smile.
I wish I could get it back.
The way you used to touch me,
Kiss me,
Hold me,
Love me.
How I want it all for me.

I want you to hold me in your arms,
like it used to be.
I want to feel your soft, warm skin.
And I want to kiss your pink, parted lips.
As they whisper "I love you",
In my ear.

I miss the way it was.
Such tenderness and passion.
I felt so loved inside your arms.
I never wanted to leave.
Never once did I fear you,
All there was was trust.
But now,
Now...

All I can ever think about,
Is how you used to be.
_

'10

Stop, no, what are you doing?
I didn't want to be locked this way.
My hands, cuffed, are already bruising.
This is not how I wanted to play.
The room is black, so why did you blind me?
With a leather mask and a lock and a key.
I'm somewhere so dark, they will never find me.
And I'm wrapped so tight I'll never get free.
Stop, no, don't leave me here!
The door slams, and the key twists twice.
Ensnared inside, I am locked in fear.
In an infinite game of vulnerable vice.
_

'10

When you look up at the ceiling,
As you lay in your bed,
What is it that you see?
Do you see the cracked and peeling paint,
The water damage stains,
The tarnishes of time and neglect?
What is it that you see as you stare upon your ceiling?
It has been days since your gaze left the above.
What are you looking for?
Are you looking for that one little area,
That is still pure in its color?
That is free of spoil and coated in care?
You lay there, motionless, staring.
Searching, in your own creation,
Agonizingly probing your aged canvas,
In fear that that's all you'll ever see.
Ever know.
But you search, and you search,
You scan every inch of that ceiling,
In hopes of a small, blank slate of plaster,
In which to smother yourself in.
In which to call home.
_

'10