I cannot sleep again.

The silence lingers in the chilly air.

The sound of nothingness seduces me.

But the sound of chaos in my mind destroys me.

I lay awake,
                  
             in total
                            
                      darkness­



                                                             ­                   smiling.

"I drew a tree on my wall..
..for every time I feel
sad,
depressed or
hopeless,
the tree grows bigger.
Crying doesn't feel good."

"Then keep drawing.
The tree is growing.
You will never know how big it grows.
You will never know where or how you will draw it.
Next time will always be a different part.

Draw when you're
sad,
happy,
depressed,
cheerful,
hopeless,
hopeful.

Expand it.
One day, you will see it sparkling.
Once you stop crying, you forget how to cry
and you will take back those words.

Cry.

                             Keep crying.

                                                                                              Let it out.


                             You are after all,

                                                      

                                                        just a human."

his eyes then became dull.

I wish we could
go back to the days
where we would go home
and meet up again.

I wish we could
go back to the days
where we would pull out our phones
and talk again.

I wish we could
go back to the days
where we would make promises
to be together
forever
again.

You are like a bad bacteria that's inside of my head.
I do not need you,
I do not want you,
but you,
you need me,
you want me.

What you have done to me,
I wanted to cry.

What you have done to me,
I was crying inside.

What you have done to me,
I never cried again.

I am like a fish,
you're like the bait.
I trust you so,
and so I bite.
But once I bite,
you give me a fright.

This world of mine,
words cannot describe.

It's unmatched beauty goes far unrivalled,
it's blinded abiding citizens will stay everlasting.

Surpassing all, the emperor's devotion,
full of his, heartless destruction.

Through the timeless domain,
devastating punishment shall be called.

The Grim Reaper of Death,
shall rampage again.

stop trying to save yourself.
the ground you're standing on,
yeah,

it's breaking too.

The blood I'm coughing is more frequent.
I hope there will be no more delays.

I am living in a place so cold,
I am use to being alone.
I fool you because ignorance is bliss,
I see no smile, I see no joy,
I've forgotten how to cry.

My mind is a blur.
When I think, I think of nothing.
What is nothing?
It is nothing but a blur.

stop
stop
stop
please stop.

why do you keep knocking
on my **** door?

why do you keep coming back?

i don't want you,
i never wanted you,
stop knocking on my door.

they say to let go
of the things that
hurt you the most.

but what if
the things that
hurt you the most

was yourself?

They say you should learn from your mistakes.
But what is the point of learning from it,
if you only had one chance

There is a monster under my bed.
            There is a monster lurking in my closet.
                         There is a monster wandering outside my door.
                                       There is a man looking at me from my window.

the boy cries wolf.

I run,
trying to
run away from her.

She's here and I can't stop shaking.

I hold my breath,
my heart is thumping,
sweat pours down my body.

Waiting for my death,
I shiver in despair.

I see her shade,
I see her stare,
I see her smile.

pitch black eyes,
my mind fades black.

The smooth silence.
Only the sound of the swirling fan could be heard.
The boy resists his urge to sleep.
He is scared to sleep.
But his eyelids are getting heavy.
Heavy as a mountain.
The boy sleeps in defeat.


He wakes up drenched.

Little bird, little bird.
Fall asleep on my lap.

Little bird, little bird.
Take a breath and breathe.

Little bird, little bird.
Listen to my voice.

Little bird, little bird.
The rough melody it cries.

Little bird, little bird.
Shut your eyes.

Little bird, little bird.
Don’t look at my shade.

Little bird, little bird.
Feel the cotton in your ears.

Little bird, little bird.
Help me.

Little bird, little bird.
Everything is crumbling.

Little bird, little bird.
Because everything is breaking.

Little bird, little bird.
Break and crumble.

Little bird, little bird.
Oh, the sweet lullaby you scream.

i tell myself i'm fine,
but i always thought of what we could be.
it is not the first time.

i have started
drawing the line
with a pen that has
an eraser on top.

i hate you more and more.
but you're still the reason
why i lie awake on the rooftop.

if i could tell you
how much i don't care,
ill be in so much peace.

even though
you have faded away,
i feel like i'm just a chess piece.

you pick me up,
spin me round,
dress me up,
and leave me on the ground.

it was at that moment
when I realised
you weren't here anymore,
my heart stopped working

I should not have lied to keep you breathing.
I should have been honest
and sunk you.

im here.
i pushed her,
she is shocked,
she is crying,
she is scared.
i walk away,
out the door.
she ask me
"why?"
with such a fragile tone.
she wails,
she screams.
hands slamming on
the ground.
i dont look back,
i keep walking forward.
fist clenched,
i slam the door frame,
she stops,
i slam the door.
the car engine starts.
im gone.

Forgive me, Satan.

For I have sinned.

For I am a mortal,
who have done you wrong.

I am sorry if I treated you poorly
when I was only just trying to help.

I am sorry if I treated you too harshly
when I was only just trying to help.

I am sorry if I yelled at you
when I was only just trying to help.

I am sorry if I made you think about suicide
when I was only just trying to help.

I am sorry if I didn't stop you from wanting to suicide
when I was only just trying to help.

I am sorry if I called you weak in my mind
when I was only just trying to help.

No one helped me when I was at my lowest.
And my only coping mechanism
was my demons.

They called me names I did not like
but I could not retaliate because
they were true.

Though I have resurfaced back into hell,
the side-effects still lingers.

I am now curse
with a heart
that will never
skip a
beat.

you took away my smiles and my joy.
but how did you drown
when you were playing the clown?

i can't help you,
i can't save you,
i don't know how to,
and
i don't want to.

/trʌst/
verb

a magnificent wall you built
that has been breaking
and crumbling
slowly
without you knowing.

hell is
when you're unable to love,
when you're unable to give love,
when you're unable to receive love.

Thinking only of you.
Lately, I can’t seem to get my mind off of you.
Just the thought of you drives me insanely sane.
My impulse to act on you is horrifyingly dangerous.
I am an atheist but,
Only God can save my impure thoughts.
Oh, how I dream of you.
I often wake up late at night just thinking of you.
I just want you,

death.

walk into
the house,
you yell at me,
once again.

walk into
the bathroom,
you yell at me,
i don't know why.

walk into
your bedroom,
you yell at me,
what did i do wrong?

walk into
the kitchen,
you yell at me,
what is it this time?

walk into
the living room,
you yell at me,
i'm tired of your **** now.

walk into
the front yard,
you tear up at me,
i yell at you.

I wish I was four-years-old again.
Knowing that monsters exist.
But not knowing that it was
humans all along.