I want to lose myself in a crowd
I want to become something greater than me
I want to be enveloped by someone else's melodies
I want to fall, trample, and love strangers around me
I want to feel like I'm being suffocated
I want to disappear in an ocean of chaos

I’m not sure how I am without it
Not anymore, it’s ******* toxic
What the hell am I supposed to do?
Just down another and forget to
Sleep, eat, or anything else
Just go out, smoke, get out of the house
What now? I’m broke with nothing to lose
Take another one, don’t worry, not like you can choose
It’s your lifeline, your sanity, I’m so ******* done
With these schedules and meals, just hand me a gun
I won’t shoot it, not right, I’ll aim for the temple
Maybe then I can relax and try to stay mellow
****, now I can’t show her, she’ll think I’m insane
For wanting to shoot my own one-sided brain
**** me, I’m tired, I don’t want this anymore
Cure me, ******* doctors, what else is there in store?
More pills, more help, more mother ******* ****
I’m done with this, with you, I’m tired of it.
Don’t tell me I have this, I don’t want to believe you
I’ll keep living my life as if I can do a “re-do”
Whatever, it’s fine, I’ll deal as I go
I don’t need this, I have this, just won’t let it show
Don’t judge me, don’t hate me, because of this ****
Grow up, acknowledge, I’m living with it.

Makes me feel alive
Makes me feel like this
Makes everything real
Like, holy ******' ****!

Plaster a smile onto your mask
Fake that you're more than okay
Pretend the night is beautiful and young
And fight the urge to run away
Face your fears with more than angst
Find a place to keep yourself safe
And if anything goes completely awry
Get out before anyone knows why
Your secret needs to stay untold
The things you know cannot be shown
Be sure to hide behind that mask
And fool those that wish tonight was your last.

I ****** up
But what does it matter
You only live once
Why not make
Stupid mistakes
That mean almost nothing
Until they bite you in the ***

Let the music consume your very being
Numb you from the inside, out
Escape the hell you were shoved into
This life you do not deserve, despite your doubts

Realize your true potential
You're worth so much, why can't you see?
This life you were given is the only one
Where your dreams can become a reality

These nightmares you have control you
Why can't you move past this fear?
Take what you do into your own hands
And don't let them see your tears

The reason I’m never home
The reason I choose to leave
Isn’t to make myself happy
Isn’t to put a smile on my face
It’s to avoid putting a frown on yours
It’s to avoid causing your voice to increase
I don’t want to cause anymore issues
I don’t want to stay where I’m unwelcome
I just want everyone to feel better
I just want things to get better
I wish this had never happened
I wish that nothing had changed
But it has and now I’m someone different
But it has and I can’t do anything about it
I mourn the old life I lived
I mourn every second of the day
I hope that someday I’ll get better
I hope that someday I won’t change

This decision isn't easy
I wish I could let this happen
I have so much I want to say
You're my miracle, my blessing
Disguised as a mistake
I love you, I want you
But we both know I can't.
I'm sorry, I truly am.
You're mine, I made you
I never want to hurt you
This is all for you
Please, forgive me.

I like it here
Way up high
Above the clouds
I love this mind
Where life is great
And all is bright
I can't be touched
So just don't try
To bring me down
To **** my spirit
To break my heart
'Cause I won't feel it

Running from the fear inside
Avoiding confrontation
Keeping secrets from the world
This is your one salvation
**** the idea of "Lord" or "Christ"
These fairy-tales do not forgive
All they do is blind your eyes
From the lives we really live
We are animals
Savage and cruel
Who gives a ****
About the Golden Rule?
We fight for love
We fight for lust
Oh **** it all,
It's because we must
No one has a decent thought
We're filthy and disgusting
We live for ***, drugs, and lies
We live for, simply, nothing

Don't start defending her
Don't start giving her reason to think
Nevermind
**** that
***** you
This friendship isn't one anymore
It's masochistic
And I can't handle it
Not anymore
So tell her she doesn't have to worry
Jealousy's a pointless thing
Don't worry about it anymore
You don't need to protect her
You don't need to put on a mask anymore
Because I'm finally out of the picture.

You were right, you know
You kept me safe
You made me happy
But now I'm put here on my own
And I'm scared
I want to fall asleep in your arms again
I want to feel your arms around me again
I want to feel your lips on mine
I'm scared
I'm nervous
I don't know what to do
I'm lost
I'm lonely
I don't know where to turn
I'm trying to remember what it was you said
You were smiling, you were happy
You were so cute, I couldn't believe
How badly I wanted to kiss you
And so I did
And I felt better
You're right; no one else can take care of me
Quite the way you do
And I really like that.

The guilt I feel
Cannot compare
To the pain I caused,
It's overbearing,
Wearing me down;
I can't go on.
Let me dream
A dreamless sleep,
Let me never wake.

Look at your reflection
What monster do you see
Staring back into your eyes
Wishing only for tragedy?
Is it covered in blood
Crying out for vengeance?
Is it thrown onto the floor
Begging for deliverance?
Is it searching for truth
By creating horrendous lies?
Is it plotting and scheming
An enemy's unfortunate demise?
Does it cause images to flash
Across your innocent mind?
Does it plant a seed of selfishness
Making you utterly blind?
You are helpless beneath this Being
Unable to escape.
Eventually you will succumb to it.
This is your inevitable fate.

My brain flourishes
With thoughts of destruction
I want you to hurt
I want you to worry
I want you to feel
That feeling of fury
I felt when you called me
A *****. When you compared me
To her. With your lectures
On smoking. You hypocrite!
Don’t you see? Your drinking
Is the same, as destructive as me.

Just between you and me
I'm hopelessly scared of what is to be
I just want to sleep at night
But thoughts keep my eyes from stopping their sight

Your arms around me; your lips on mine
Stops all my worrying and stops all time
You tell me you love me and kiss me again
I tell you I want you and won't let this end

This summer could be our last
Are you frightened of this b'coming the past?
Your future's open so wide
I want you to know I'll stay by your side

Our smiles could light up a room
Our feelings, contagious, and all but too soon
Everyone knows we're in love
So, once again tell me we'll soar up above

We're meant to be, made for each other,
We are our own and know we'll stay lovers
For every time our lips touch just once
Butterflies fly high and sparks still erupt.

You have to admit,
The clouds seem fake.
Too many artists
To catch their expressions.
How can you deny
The fact that the trees
Don't seem so hard
Until you try to touch them?
Tell me the ocean
Doesn't roar when
We leave it alone.
If you did, I'd believe you.

Don't make me look and see
Please, just let me have this
Don't take this away from me
This little bit of happiness
Don't tell me it could **** me
That what I'm doing's wrong
I know it's not, I promise you
In fact, I think I'm strong

So many thoughts spinning around
I just need to learn how to breathe
Keep me safe for one more night
But know once you're gone, I'll leave
I'll tie the noose, I'll down the pills
I won't think once or twice
I just want out, there's nothing left
There is no compromise.

I'm stressed out
Worked thin
Tired now
Exhausted even
Everything's piling
Nothing's done
Will power's diminishing
Where's that gun?
Oh, just let me
Close my eyes
Just let my body
Compromise
With my mind
I just want rest
And wake up to
A world I love
Completely new

How long until the day we die?
Will we get what we deserve?
Rewards for those that love all others.
Pain for those that hurt their neighbors.
Will death be fair, unlike our lives?
Will we obtain our deepest treasures?

Liar, liar
Come with me
Teach me all the
Nasty things
Whisper secrets
In my ear
Let me see, then,
What I fear

Maybe I don’t want you to stop trying
Maybe I made the wrong decision
Maybe I miss you a lot
Maybe I miss the nights we had together
I want them back, I do
Maybe I miss sleeping next to you
Maybe I miss kissing you
Maybe I miss the late nights of video games
Maybe I’m an idiot
Maybe I was looking at the wrong times
******* rosey-red conceptions
Maybe that’s all I keep seeing
But I miss you
And Maybe I still love you
Maybe I don’t want to move on
Maybe I don’t though
Maybe I’m wrong
Maybe I just need space
Maybe I just need to move on
We had problems
We had issues
But what if it was worth it?
Maybe we’ll never know

Sleep becomes my sanctuary
Where else is there to hide?
My fear is my reality
It's hidden on the inside.
Save me from my slumber
I'm sick of hiding here.
I can't keep going under,
Running from this fear
Of love, of lust, of loneliness.
I'm scared of life itself.
Save me from this holiness
Of living in self doubt.
I'm stronger than I'll ever know.
This, I want to reach:
A realization I want to show,
And wish every soul to keep.
We all are perfect, pure and strong.
We all are capable of more.
If we just strive and we just long
To reach our full potential
I'm sure we'll reach nirvana,
I'm sure we'll reach our heaven,
For hell's a place we're all in.

There's honestly nothing else to do,
But sit here, think, ponder, wonder
What else can we do in this life, again?
Why else are we here?
That's what makes  us different from them
The animals out there
*******, *******, killing, living without meaning
It's our thoughts, our cognitive processes
Not our wills, our power, our strength
They have those, too, *******, I'm sure.
It's not our intelligence, either
Animals out there overpower us with that, too
It's the fact that some of us wonder, "why"
Some of us sit here and try to figure out, "how"
And some of us go as far as to figure out exactly, "what"
It is that drives us to do the things we do
We don't know why we do the things we do
That doesn't even matter in the long run
What matters is what we do
And how it happens
What happens after
And what is effected by the actions involved
That's it, that's all, that's good enough,
Right?
Question it, please!
Question our existence
Wonder why, how, what, because
No one else will and no one else cares
Why follow something blindly?

I was asked what the rain meant to me
I wasn’t sure quite how to answer
The rain means everything to me
The storm itself is a personification of life
It has a melody, a harmony, a bass line
It holds onto memories of the past
The sheet of water covering the earth
Has a second job of hiding the truth
While, despite this, everything is utterly clear
It allows us to indulge in our minds
The storm itself lets us lose control
Of our minds and instructs us to alter,
And see through another pair of eyes
In this moment, what can we fear?
In this moment, what can we know?
Fear of the unknown, fear of disaster
Fear of finding ourselves
This complicates things, makes us go mad
And so our frustration comes into play
We obsess and analyze every step
Until finally we succumb to anger
Everything stops us from going further
Our own minds have forced our control
But somehow, we take comfort in this
And as the storm calms
And as the clouds fade
Things seem to make sense
Once again, things were how they were
Where the sun continues to shine
And the moon appears in the night
Where life is so much easier
Than during that awful storm

Sleep comes so slowly
When will we dream?
Time moves too quickly
When together, it seems.
Yet in those quick moments
I feel something new
I see something foreign
That's only in you.
You're always relaxed,
Always so pleased.
I can't seem to grasp
Why you're so at ease.
Sometimes I'm jealous
Of how you can live
One day at a time
While I'm still stuck in
A time yet to come
It gets quite exhausting
I don't want to worry
'Bout every little thing
Did you know that you teach me?
It's true and I love it
The lessons you've taught me
Can be found in just moments
You've taught me to feel
Even if it hurts
You've taught me to see
Despite when it burns
You've taught me true peace
(It's attainable by all?)
You've taught me a truth
I'm not scared to tell
You've taught me to dream
Even when impossible
You've taught me to speak
That words are unstoppable
You've taught me that confidence
Isn't hard at all
That even  myself
Can learn to walk tall
Adam, you've taught me
All of these things
I love you now and always will
And now know what that really means.

It's a comfortable silence and oh-so inviting.
Sometimes I'll miss the voices, though.
There's more hugs, but less laughter-
Smiles are almost extinct.
I try to picture crawling outside, but
I guess I'm not welcome out there.
I'm always tired, and thinking becomes difficult.
The mush in my skull likes to think it's a brain.
I wish I had a smoke.

If I had one wish,
It'd be to fly away
To a world I can live in,
To a land of decay.
Happiness, fulfillment
Are only illusions.
I want what is real!
Not lies and allusions.

There is no magical savior
No "knight in shining armor"
There is only you to save yourself
If you ant to live, you'll have to stop
Drop the poisoned fairy-tales
Spoiling young minds with thoughts of good
There is only evil in this world
If you want to live you'll have to conform
No "handsome prince" to save you now
No friends can rescue you, provide you with escape
Do you really need them?

If I lie and say I'm better
Will that make you smile?
If I fake it and force through
Will things finally be easier?
If I pretended like everything's fine
As if the thoughts don't still appear
Will you be happy again?
Will you smile once more?
Will your voice not increase?
Will your hand stay by your side?
I hope so, because
That's my new plan.

I need the music louder
Make my heart pound faster
Find a reason to breathe
Find a way to be me
I need the ground below me
To stop its awful spinning
Find a way to slow down
Find my way around
Let me know what’s real
Let me know what’s right
Please keep from falling
Before this dream-filled night
Finally overwhelms me
Takes me far within
A place where just my being
Can’t help but let it in
Every worry, every fear
Every thought becoming clear
I can’t make it, can’t move on
Just let me go before they’re gone

Yet another sleepless night in this cold, empty space
What other option do I have but fall right into place?
Full of memories and truths that never seem to end
Despite how much apart of me wishes I could send
Each little fragment of all those times far back into my mind
I suppose it's meant to stay this way, but trust me, I am fine.

Good morning, my love, how sweet is the sun?
Good morning, my heart, can you hear the sound?
It's the song of the gifted, a song of the loved.
It's the sound of true freedom, a song from above.
So listen intently and remember what's true,
For someday the song will be silence to you.

Every time we say goodnight
Every time we part
Ever time our lips touch, just once
Something happens within my heart

Every time you caress my hair
Ever time you hold my hand
Every time we sleep together
I try to grasp, to understand

Why it is I ******* us up
Why it is I took that chance
Why it is I’m drawn to you
Why it is I can’t understand

I tried to tell you countless times
I tried to make it count
I tried to help you see what I see
But it went all it did was go in and out

I loved you, alright?
I love you, still
I can’t help myself, really
And it’s starting to ****

Me inside and out
It’s starting to take
A toll on my mind
On my heart, just make

Things easier on the both of us
End things completely
Cut me off, and spare me
From this pain, already.

Every time I see the stars
Every time I stare at the moon
I think of each night we spent together
And I wonder if you think of them, too.

It's time to take chances
It's the time to take risks
There will never be another moment
Quite like this
It's time to stop thinking
It's the time to let go
Who else will stand here and ask you
To stop moving
To stop breathing
Stop time?
It's time to live life
By ending this last breath
(How else could you know
How great it feels to breathe?)
It's time to change everything
So things can start happening
It's time we let fate take control
It's time we sit back, relax
And let life take its toll
On us.

I'm smiling down at my defeat
Don't start to question how I think
Just soak in the beauty that only comes
From our single, absolute destruction

Ask me again how it is that I know
So many facts, but won't let them go
My fairy-tales, you see, keep me sane
They allow me to dream, not to say the same

For those I love; they must forget
All the things that they regret
Their lives have meaning, more for them
Than those who sink above their sin

I want him to want me
I want him to need me
I want him to like me
I want him to see me
I want him to kiss me
I want him to hug me
I want him to hold me
I want him to love me

Do I love you?
You know the answer.
It's not even because
Of the obvious reasons.
It ***** I won't say it,
Because it's not mutual,
But at the same time
Why not?
I love your smile
But not just that
It's how your eyes join in
It's beautiful, adorable, and
Absolutely intoxicating
I love your laugh
When it's your real laugh
When you just let go even though
Everything's far from perfect
But at that point
Nothing has to be
I love your passion
Even when negative
Your will to keep going,
"Keep on, keepin' on"
I love when we lay there
And things just drift off
Despite all the ****
That moment's content.
Fine, I'll just say it:
I've fallen for you
Despite my best efforts.
I can't help myself.

By looking at me
Can you tell?
I've got a lot more to say
And a lot more to sell.
By talking to me
Can you see?
Since I smile at you
You smile at me.
By watching me
Will you say
That I'm better alone,
That I should stay that way?
By remembering me
Will you know?
I feel lost like you
Just don't let it show.

Too many thoughts spinning in my head
The smoke clouds the thoughts, makes them stop for a second
I can’t seem to fathom, can’t seem to think
For a second, for a minute, for one ******* moment
Save me, I’m begging you, from this sick mind
Save me, I’m pleading you, I’m sick of this mind
I’m tired of trying, I’m scared to keep going
Towards nothing, towards something, towards a goal I can’t fight for
Towards a world full of regret, towards a mind full of worry.

It's pure, raw emotion
It's the feeling of passion
That fuel the spark between us
And pushes us to action
It's the sound of your voice
It's your skin against mine
That drives my heart to insanity
Makes it beat without time
It's your smile I love
It's your kiss that I crave
It's your heart that I hear
At the end of the day
The beat is my lullaby
Your voice, it's melody
And as I drift off to sleep
You tell me you love me

I'm drowning in these sorrows.
I can't help but crash.
I'm wishing for tomorrows,
But even those won't last.

Maybe it's time to move on
Maybe it's time to change
I'm not always for the melodramatic
But honestly I don't care
The words are too strong
The feelings are too deep
Why let yourself fall
If no one's willing to catch you?
To pick yourself back up
To force yourself to smile
I guess it's time to move on
I guess it's time to change

Some nights I'll live far worse than others
Some nights I'll want to re-do
But, honestly, I won't regret a single thing
Because these experiences and thoughts
Will shape the person I will become
Will help me help others create their futures
Don't stand here and judge the decisions I make
Don't sit there and stare as I **** up
Join me in living and making mistakes!
Join me in embracing the fact that we're human!
Embarrass yourself with me, act like a child
Leap off your pedestal you've made for yourself
Come join us, ****, down here on Earth
Live this life in a way that's worth living
Don't care about judgement and don't dare judge yourself
Just let go of those fears and all inhibitions
Take hold of my hand and I swear
You won't regret it for more than a night.

Don't tell me you care,
'Cause you don't.
Don't say you'll be there,
'Cause you won't.
Don't tell me you'll help me,
'Cause you can't.
Don't tell me you need me,
'Cause you don't.
Don't sy you'll protect me,
'Cause you won't.
Don't tell me you love me,
'Cause you can't.

I didn’t mean for it to get this way
I didn’t meant to hurt you
I wanted out
I can’t freak out
Please know I’ll always love you?
But only half, because, you see
I can’t fully commit
There’s someone else who’s here with me
I wish I could admit
That something is terribly wrong
She’s not saying much
She hates you though
She loves him, too
I can’t explain this now
I need to distract this
She’s getting mad
I’m getting scared
What the **** am I supposed to do?
Just go away
Please don’t come back
I can’t explain it
You’ll just get mad
I can’t tell you
‘Cause you never saw
How things changed
Could you tell at all?
Never paid attention
To the switching minds
You’re lucky now
You won’t have to see
Never need to deal
With the crazy inside me.

Let me look out there
Let me see the stars
Let me take a smoke
Let me **** my lungs
Let me burn my hands
Let me scar my heart
Let me hurt my eyes
Let me live this life

Caged up
Locked up
By your own mind
Smoked up
Drugged up
By your own kind
Messed up
Cut up
Are you free yet?
Drift off
Shut up
This is the best you'll get

I don't like what we have
I feel like there's no point
I care for you, more than  you realize
But I can't keep doing what we are
I want you, ***, I do
I'll even go as far to say I love you
But it's a charade if I keep going
It hurts too much to know
You don't see me as I see you
I just can't keep fooling myself