The waves are ceasing and the
Sky is grey and unfrequented through the window.
Hold your gaze, forget this room.
Silence so loud it echoes
Through my mind.

Say something.

Tell me you love me, even tell me
You hate me.
Forget it, it doesn't matter,
It's fine.
Dismiss our feeling, act like it's alright.
We don't know what we're
Doing.

We're stumbling.

There is a world out there, I'm sure.
People living their lives,
Oblivious, I'm not really looking.
Glazed eyes.

I know I love you.
I should tell you, but
I can't.
You should tell me, but
You won't.

I should,
You should,
We should just,

There's no way out if this.

Hesitation enveloped me in bubble wrap,
My every word was watched in case it led to a trap.
You were in a cell I couldn't and still can't understand,
I reached for you but I was bitten
by two midnight hounds by your sides.
My faith you earned and so it was given,
from golden memories over time.
How I longed to storm the barricades,
and surface you up to the world of air.
Hammer in hand, break you out of reverie your frozen cave,
That embitters your veins and hardens you like sandstone not to care.
Will you forever stay a Princess locked in your own palace?
Letting armies of thorns cascade from pillar to post,
and draw blood from with that defensive line of malice.
I know you as more than this, than a wisp, than this ghost.
Meant to leave more on this canvas than a hand print my dear.
A full scale portrait is more suited,
But you've become what you once so venomously despised and held in fear ,
Any whisper of a conscience muted.
"Do  you love me?", you whisper,
And I - most certainly do,
But the more you demand it of me
The more it becomes less true.
So take away your armour and lay it for aside for me.
So I know behind it all you are alive and I was right to believe.

Last Friday I did a very good job
of drinking away
my anxiety.
The sad part was
the only person
there to see it
was my mom.

It took me awhile,
but  five beers
and two
hard ciders later
I was free.

I’m almost 19
and I’ve already
started solving
my problems
with vices.

I had my *** phase.
It treated me no better
than any cigarette I bummed.
In the end
it was all just smoke.

Alcohol made me into something
I believed to be better.
I smile because I mean it.
I don’t shy away
From people.
But I’ve come to realize
that I’m worth more
than two shots of *****
and bottle of Mike’s Hard

It’s so easy to forget
what’s circling
in my brain.

I forgot about
school starting
in 2 weeks.

I forgot about my friends
and why
I’ve been feeling
that there’s a lack there of.

It is no ones fault
but my own.
I have no pity
for myself.

I’ve refused to believe
that taking a pill
would vacuum
away the half finished
poems and the
torn up ideas I have
in my mind.

It’s become very
difficult
to explain
myself.
Most times I wish
I didn’t have too.

I’ve never been approachable.
I look mean
But I promise
I’ve always tried to give
everything.
I always thought
that if I said yes
then so would others.

I woke up that Saturday
at  five a.m.
Realizing
that the world kept moving
when mine slowed down.
School will still come
and so will tomorrow.

Give me a pack of cigarettes
Because it’s much easier
to wash that smell from my mouth
than it is to get
these thoughts out.