I love you
I know I do
But I can't feel it
The numbness has reached my heart
No matter how hard I try
No feelings break free
They're lost somewhere
In the darkness

I don't know how else to put it
I don't have words to explain
It's just these chemical imbalances
I hope you'll understand
I love you
I really do
I just can't always find it

The only thing I feel nowadays
Is empty
The last butterfly in my stomach
Flew away
Or died
Either way they're gone
I no longer feel
The blade going across my arms

The sharp pain
Followed by a burning sensation
I guess 'empty' is better than
Depressed
Suicidal
Hopeless
Alone
Worthless
Tired
And scared
But it sure as hell Isn't better than
Happy

Your words
Hurt more
Than the pain
That drips from my wrists

The physical scars
Will heal
But your words
Leave indefinite marks
On my heart

I think that
What hurts most
Is that you don't notice
My tear-soaked sleeves
And the gray in my eyes

It's interesting
How quick
I can change

One second
I could be flying
The next
I could be face down on cement
My limbs outstretched
Like a star

Not much breath
Going through my lungs
A mixture of a panic attack on the way down
And the impact of my fall

The snow can only be seen
Through a small window
Behind a cage-like grate
Put there for "safety"
As if someone could make it through
That thick glass

"You are free to go"
The words I'd been waiting for
Since I had arrived

The girl curled up in her chair
Scribbling away in her purple notebook
3/4 of the paper filled
Scars deeper than I though possible
Neatly lined up her arm

The youngest kid
Destined for paleontology
Sits in the back playing solitaire and fusball
His reading of being here
Completely unknown

Her high bun in her blonde hair
Match perfectly
With her soft-spoken tone
A complete shock
To learn of her purging past

The average girl
Moved here from New Jersey
Her foot tapping anxiously
Due to her parents misunderstandings
And from all of the Tylenol she swallowed

Her hand aimlessly writes
Pages and pages written
To her boyfriend of who-knows-how-long
Who supports her
And does t care about the scars

She sleeps all day
Except for when the therapists torment her
Trying anything
To get her to eat
Or even say a single word

The oldest one here
To everyone, her happiness seems more than just a bluff
But she's here for a reason
Clearly, her rocket scientist dream
Hasn't worked out yet

He was out in two days
His feelings more if a passing thought
For his puns
And love for horror
Prove his happiness

I sit and listen, alone
My suicidal-ness a shock to most
Still misunderstood
I can't wrap my head around it
I just.
Want.
Out.