A small girl came up to me today.
She looked up at me with her big, blue, honest eyes and simply said;
"Hi, can I ask you something?"
She didn't even give me time to respond before asking, quite matter-of-factly,
"What does love mean to you?"

Well, I guess I had to think about that one.
"Trust." I said.
"Love, to me. Means trusting that your love for others will be taken care of with careful hands."
She looked up at me, not knowing at all what I meant. She just told me,
"Thank you miss." and walked back to the playground.

I found myself thinking about what this little girl had asked me. And I found myself thinking, I am so dumb.

Love is a lot of things. Love is a color. Love is a type of dessert. Love is sweet as ice cream, and it can be just as cold. Love is the scars on my wrists, and love is the bruises on my knees.
Love is the way the sun shines on every single one of us. There isn't a person that the sun refuses to shine on, so, I guess love is honesty? I don't really know.
But I know our love was infinite. We lived in infinity for a year and three days. Our love was also tears at 3am, and 9 hour phone calls with no sleep.
Our love was no secrets, we learned to spell love as Y-O-U and never as I-O-U. Your love never owed me anything. My love never stopped giving.
Love is non-judgmental.
Love is blind.
Love is deaf, love is irresponsible.

Second loves, are different.
Second loves are awkward, because they try to fit themselves in places where only the first loves should fit.
He tried to fit his kneecaps behind mine, but they weren't shaped the same as yours. My body before you hadn't been, imprinted. But the first time we spooned, yes, I just said spooned, your kneecaps created crevasses in the bends of mine. So when he tried to fit his fingers in the spaces between my own, I think he found your fingerprints still etched where they should have been washed away long ago.

Love, is a crack in the sidewalk.
Love turns your heart stone cold.
Love loves to see you suffer, and love loves the see you go through all the pain of broken-ness.

Be careful who you give your love to.
Be careful whose hands you drop your heart into, because some hands are too big and too strong and too unforgiving to hold your heart with the tenderness and care that it deserves.
Love will kick you in the stomach, and stab you in the back. Love will twist your words, love will make you lie.

Love is a pen and piece of paper.
Love is in every poem that I write.
Love is words, that sink into your blood and travel through your arteries.
Words that make your heart pump.
Love is your heartbeat.

Today, I walked up to a little ******* a playground.
I asked her, "What does love mean to you?"

And she replied, with absolutely no hesitation.
"Love is how when you fall off the monkey bars, you get back up and try again. Because even though I keep falling, I really wanna get to the other side."

little girl, little girl, why do you cry?
you're only three; it shouldn't be hard
mommy & daddy just need a break
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where's your smile?
you're nine years old; you should be
happy & enjoying childhood
mommy & new daddy are just having another disagreement
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you hide?
you're ten years old; you shouldn't be afraid of him
new daddy is just grabbing a drink
he wont hurt you when he's sober
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you run?
you're eleven, you should stand up for yourself
new daddy didn't mean to hit you or your mom, it was just an accident
& daddy didn't mean to ruin your life
it just seemed to happen after
he took you away forever
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you speak?
you're twelve years old; you should have a say about who you are
daddy & new mommy are just
"disciplining you", don't take the insults personal, darling
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you understand?
you're thirteen; you should be a big girl now
big brother is only doing what's best
for him & mom
you'll be okay on your own
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you harm?
you're fourteen; you should be strong
daddy & new mommy are just angry
& having a bad day today
they didn't mean it when they called
you worthless, did they?
don't be mad at mommy for what happened when she was with
new daddy
if she didn't abort the baby
you & her wouldn't be here right now
your little brother or sister
wasn't allowed to grow
but maybe she did what was right
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where did you go?        
you're fifteen; stop being so pitiful
words don't hurt, right?
that's what everyone said, right?
how new are your scars, darling?
you must feel terrible
now that your parents know
you're good at hiding the pain
almost too good
thoughts of suicide & scars of
self-harm; you're one of a kind
why did you try to leave?
why are so you depressed?
why are you always asleep?
little girl, are you even listening?
don't worry, the worst has passed

you're already lost.
a.c.

you are

beautiful, you are wonderful

and

it ails me that you

can't seem to see  your loveliness

the way that i can

you just

are a lot more

magical

then you give yourself credit for

your smile is

radiant

your laugh is electrifying

your irises are even more immaculate

than

the way the tides kiss

the beach shore  

and

you're just so

captivating

i know

you don't think so

but

i would like to tell you that

you really are

and

even though

you're stubborn and

headstrong at times

i don't care

because

i still love you

regardless

of those faults

and i don't know

maybe

if you viewed yourself through

my

cynosure

you'd understand why it is that

i find you

so

r e s p l e n d e n t.

Often I Have Wondered

If I heard a knock at my door
Would you be the one standing there waiting nervously 
Would you smile real big as you handed me a bouquet of Sunflowers And would you say, I picked these fresh from your garden
Or would you say Hello Babydoll, It's just me
 
Often I Have Wondered
 
Would you take me to a really nice restaurant?
Or would it be McDonalds for me
Would you wine and dine me
And would you walk real proud with me by your side
Would you fix me a home cooked meal with candle light?
Or would you say Hey good lookin, whatcha got cookin
 
Often I Have Wondered
 
If we were dancing, would you step on my toes?
Would you do the funky chicken?
Or would you take me around the floor with a little two steppin
Would you pull me close, hold me tight and no matter the pace of the song
Would you stare into my heart & slow dance all night long?
 
Often I Have Wondered
 
If I closed my eyes to sleep
Would I awake to a kiss from your lips, a warm touch from your hand?
Would I open my eyes and smile & see you smiling back at me
Would I drift off to sleep alone or in your arms?
And when I awake would you be there
Or would it have all been a dream

Perly Sunflower 2011

When the night comes to life and the moon has arrived.
When the clouds disappear and there's no one near.
That weird girl from down the street, cries herself again to sleep.
Even with tears streaming down her face, she would tell you that she's okay.
You can tell by her eyes that she's telling a lie, all we want to know is why.
Why is she lying ?
Why is she crying ?
Is there something that she is hiding ?
Yes there is but she's staying strong and she won't ever tell you what the hell is wrong.

i don't want to to easy
and i don't want to be hard.
i just wanna be soft but firm
like your mattress.
i wanna help you get a good night's rest.
i wanna look my best
when you're around.
i wanna count sheep with you.
and hold you
when you shake.
when you ache for one my joint,
my joints will keep you high
and lifted.
i wont let you fall.
i know it hurts
when they push you down
to the ground,
smear skin to pavement,
so here,
let me be your armor.
i promise i wont cry
when they tear me up,
but i need you
to keep us together.
whatever happens.
i fell for you
harder
than how the rain fell for the grass
and i
will probably fall
face flat
against your chest because
your heartbeat
is the only thing i know how to fall
asleep to.

I have a weakness for a boy
with shadows in his eyes
and fire in his throat.

When he speaks,
like a dragon,
he exhales his truth
singeing all those who dare
come close.

A knowing fool,
I dance daringly
through the flames;

aching for a glimpse
behind a mask
he doesn’t know
that he still wears.

nothing hurts like being excluded by your crush,
or walking alone down the halls in a sea of friendships.
in a world full of ups and downs it seems you've been going down for too long
towards the bottom of the ocean, which is uncharted and vast,
without time for a breath of air because there is one hurdle after another.

and sometimes it seems like you use too many metaphors.
because the world is a scary place and saying your problems out loud make them seem real.
so why should you when you can compare them to a flower and be told you're creative and special?
that's all you want,
to be special.

so you wear combat boots with your dress and you throw an anti-homecoming so you can marathon 80's movies instead,
but you aren't special and nobody cares and you can't figure out the point but you eat up the compliments like you need them to survive.
because when your mom tells you that you look skinny it's the highest praise,
and if a friend says your hair looks nice maybe he'll be around to notice too.
but he's not,
or he doesn't.

and you spend another day holding back tears because you finally got your eyeliner right but you're so **** lonely,
and you pretend it doesn't hurt that when your broken phone finally turns on there are no unread messages,
because even though there are people who care you are still alone,
always alone,
and if happiness is for people who deserve it than you must have done something once.

or maybe it's 2am and you're up crying again,
and none of your poems get past being a jumble of words and phrases,
bits and pieces blurred by the tears that stream down your cheeks,
but write them anyway, because every now and then,
if you're lucky,
they dull the pain.