Sit and I will make this short

After many years considering
your crude remarks
your awful gawks
I find that I have come utterly
to hate you utmost fully.

Your very presence infuriates me
I'd **** you if I had to stomach for it.

Instead I'll have to be content
to watch your pride whither
and buckle within itself.

When I write
when I commit words to a page
so vague are they, so seamless
that  I become afraid
with the slightest mummer of discord
they will dissolve from the moisture
of our discontent.

When I write
experience unfolds
from my eyes, from my mind
that Ive never truly known
and yet
the feeling I describe
is wonderful, satirical
crippling, dishonorable
dangerous, and suicidal.

When I write
I am free
though I wander through no
galaxies
instead I sit and type, I write
and sink deeper into...me.

Mistakes were made
nights were spent between sheets
twisting and gnawing at fingernails.

We cried our tears
and laughed out loud
till echos left cracks in the bedroom walls.

What can I say?
We had our fun
basked in the sunlight of this doomed bond
between two.

It is now the eve of our departure
emptiness is left to greet us and leaving us
is the knowledge of what we might have been.

Oh well, can you blame us
for ever trying
to be something we never could.

I mourn for you
these tears that pool within my eyes
spill below its brim for you.
I cry for you
I scream till my throat's tissue  's raw
and this meek voice cracks for yearning you.

You lie there still
so still you sleep under covers of silk
while IVs feed nutrients to you.
Each eye closed lets slip a saline tear
that wets the pillow beneath you.

Each hour we are thrown down to eternity,
each minute we wait in unknowing fear
for each second that passes I clutch desperately to you
not wanting you to abandon me too.

----and yet----

Your life slips below my fingertips
pools and wets my swollen feet.
your death bed stinks of suffering
and my heart---my heart breaks
it BREAKS from loving thee.

Twist and turning disquieting
I'm going to BURST
this hurting is building
its unbearable
intolerable
I  feel  my  world   is   losing   grip
my sweetness died when you left me.

I mourned for you
So many tears have slipped below their brim for you
I screamed for you
my tissues raw from calling you
you never looked back as I ran for you
Fallen on knees I pounded the ground in defiance of you
I hate you, I hate you, I NEVER could have loved YOU!

---But then,

Your anguish was felt so strongly
its locks my bones
from head to toe
I fall---they break
is all this feeling from your pain?

---and then,

You healed me through
your memory kept my life among the living
your lingering smell
your fading laugh
kept the knife from meeting flesh

you!

Through your death, you saved my life
for that I will always love you.

Green this leaves me.

Devastated and hollow.

Angry that words
cannot   come   properly
From my mouth.

What its this!
I scream this
I hit and scrap and draw blood from this.
I pour my hatred deep into this
wanting to swallow your hope from this.

But would you be destroyed.
Would word and deed and life be destroyed?
I implore!
I beg of whom may be planning things
to rather let their be no fate
just send us out
and shake the world.

Green
I am green and livid.
My mouth is spewing vile
my fists are clenched till my palms are bloodied.

This monster inside is raging!
No release is waiting
yet constantly I lay waiting
to use these hands as instruments
to ring the life from lively eyes
which started this mad craving.

Upon this rocky shore we find
as we sit most content
a bird so small that as it flies
we barely see a speck.

It lands---disturbing particles
of loose boulders only ants would fret
and chirps its song of mating
to its mate nestled upon her eggs.

We sit, you and I,
your hand on mine
so slight I barely feel
My glance slides down protectively
to make sure your still there.

The sun sets fire throughout the sky
the horizon blurs two realms
and as the birds sing their lullaby
we two remain here perched.

These solar winds blast through me
gamma rays break through my flesh
leaving me atomized
separated into ions.
My soul remains behind
as yet to reconnect with that one light
as I explore this universe
forever destroying and remaking itself.
I witness stars come into existence
while galaxies crash into themselves
leaving cold space behind
and a hole that almost ***** me in

I wonder then where would I be?

The fires came and spread
they inhaled the land
and let out ash
that covered both land and sky.
The fires devoured plant and bough
once proudly reaching for sun and sky
but when the devastation died
the foliage now was blackened and dry.
This fire left nothing behind
left not even a babes young cry
it ate as fierce as a monsters
appetite,
the life that once was full of pride.
Shamed and shackled we looked on
unable to stop what nature spawned
until it all was quite
with only the crackling of the
dying fire.

You look at me
with those eyes
imploring
your soul
seeking
answers that experience can only answer.

Your hands search me
your hair hangs low, curling
and inviting. These times are
simple.
I love them, sinking
gluttonously too deep
to a place we both enjoy.

But then...

we come again
to your greedy eyes
probing deep within my
tender soul
wanting answers
to questions
no girl my age should know.

My body is vertical
parallel to my mattress.
My ears pick up the mites
eating away at my dead skin
the dust mites prowl the forests
of my eyebrows.

My body is emaciated
the head to heavy to hold up
my collar bones are fragile
the aching is dull and resounding
vibrating between shoulder to shoulder.

My stomach is a sloshing sack
spilling acid in waves through my
esophagus,
burning away flesh.

Burning away my flesh
and will,
darkening my years of life
lived full, happy and long.

You've changed.
but---I don't know
what has changed.
Do I see it in your eyes,
or has the light in them
died.
Perhaps it is your smile--
The corners don't lift
wont lift
as high.
I cannot place what has changed
what metamorphosis has
mutated you into the creature
you are today.
Have my eyes filmed over
is your light less bright
or my soul less accepting?
Again I find my mind
confused
or unable to admit
my own faults projected
on you.

Echo, echo
I repeat
Alone in her cave of stone
Please, please
Can you hear her cry
For loves pure wondrous lure
Help me help me
She cries
But only insects hears
Forever destined to repeat
And never to declare

Pictures of a broken past
Of lovely memories
Of snow that covered frozen pine
Or the smell of mahogany
The feeling of security when you were always near
Now that aid is surly gone
Your absence leaves me bare

How can I draw back memories
Of a time filled with but joy
When autumn came to change the leaves
Or winter to take its deathly bow

What of the springs in May
When the earth let out its scent
Of flowers growing wild
In the acres that never end
Or when you’d plant me tulips
Just so we could be near
Why now then have you gone away
When our love’s yields not yet made

Hours pass and now the days and still no one has found you
My heart is breaking into pieces
How can I live without you?
Without you here my life just seems to be so incomplete
The ache that you have left behind is too much oh I shall weep!

Come back to be my gallant steed
Your damsel needs protecting
But not from the harm that outside holds
But from her heart that needs desperate mending

The storm clouds grow near
The rain becomes thick
Thunder rolls about the sky
Streaks of light strike out upon the unsuspecting natives
They bow down to this unknown force
That commands the wind and has blocked the sun
And poured water down into the river
And sent shock waves though the land

Now something is wrong for the water does not cease
And keeps coming down in torrents
And soon only one man is alive in a tree
Weeping of all the destruction.

Breath in this air
Crisp in my lungs
Sweet on my tongue
Cool on my lips

Smelling of rose water and lilac so strong
Kissing my cheeks
Blowing my hair

Carrying my dreams on its everlasting current
Whispering sweet lovelies
To those who accept it

His arms strong that hold me tight
They keep me safe from what’s outside

But when does safe become obsessive
A love that is taken to far

When does our home become a prison?
And my lover become a guard

When does a soft touch rise to a punch?
And my love turn to fear of whenever he comes

How do I escape from being a slave?
To a man that loves me too much

How can I hide from this monster he’s become
Or will I disappear into the strange dark shadows

To be what he wants
To be no more

Is it you, or I that has come to this tree
With its purple and shady gray leaves
In the midst of summer among the pines
This tree planted here is glorified
Its bark is dull yet its leaves are bright
And father time that is surely divine
Has visited this wonder which is his prize
The stream that flows around the roots
Its water sweet for the weary traveler
Those who drink and regain their strength
Worship this tree, which has come
From the heavens
To bless us with all its splendor

What is this?
I ask
And think
And quarrel with myself
Trying to find the answers
To questions rhetorical in nature.
What am I to do with
That
That has been presented to me
My mind is but a gift discarded
I lie
I cry
I cheat myself
Out of anything
And everything
I could have wanted
And why
I ask
I dare inquire
Do I care of the happiness of others?
When such a feeling in my heart
Is devoid of harboring wonder
Why, oh why
I find, search and fail
For others I comply
I foolishly give way
I think that it can only be
That I cannot stand
To be loved falsely by you.

I walk the blackened cobbled street
The click and clack of uncertain feet
Stroll under yellowed lights over head
Singling me in a spotlight.

Ancient boughs strain under weight
Of springtime blooms in middle-may
The scent wafts down on every leaf
They color the ground with white and green.

White and green against grim tones
A contrast laid to set rebellion
A beauty, bowing down with beast
To waltz around life’s center stage.

I wait as a lover by the placid sea
I wait never ending for only thee
I weep that you have traversed so far
I steep into madness each day your gone.

How I survive I do not know
For dragging my feet I slide to the floor
For a mood so severe takes hold so firm
Making sure to crush my weary spirit.

I quake and I quiver as if scarlet fever
Were wrapping its grip tightly round me.
Strong like steel as I wail and plead
I find I cannot escape this infinite peal

Of madness, this madness that madness!
Strike me down and let the earth now take me
Let it cradle me in its rough hands
Just so I forget the damages left to body, spirit and soul.

Now hunger is bearing its jagged pearl teeth
Dripping with a poisonous filth. My heart is a flutter
Though not from a lover, but death who invites me in.
That monster I thought had been fiend.

T’was sweetness I heard in dreams now forgotten
Of a voice made from old silk. And turning my head
I looked and beheld that lethe that takes all thought away.
A memory that fades so quickly away now takes all my fears away.

“Suffer no more.” Said that voice from below
The surface of that kindly river.

So step in I did, with no consequence
And drift did I drift away. Forgetting the pain
And remorse of the day your left and that
Madness slowly came from pain.

I remember grape vines
Round sweet purple bulbs
With droplets of clear water
They slide concave
Into my lips
Sweet
And sun flavored.
On the cool grass I lay
The moist soil
Seeping through,
Wetting my skin
Feels good.

Sweet humanity
Has a conception ever been so sweet?
So sweet to make lips pucker
In kindly ecstasy?

Sweet and once dear human race
We seem to have erased
Will you ever raise your heads out from
That ocean of cruel intent?

Those waters harbor destruction
They fester, peeling away
Those stagnant waters decompose
Dissolving man’s soul away.

How low we all have sunk
Those eyes now see no more
Those thoughts of action grind to a halt
A cessation that leaves an echo.

No more does a message steal away
The tears of sympathy
We now slide into a faithless time
Love has been lost to bitter grief.

Our eyes are blind to tyranny
Our ears shut out tortured cries
And our once sorrow-ridden eyes
Grow numb to hate and crime.

So now we see and turn away
Sweet humanity has lost its way
So now I cry
And change the name

Of humanity
To inhumane.

Let the holy blood flow from outstretched palm
See the wounds of Christ displayed as an open book
Preach the words of His holy name through righteous pain.
Holy are those blessed with such a curse
Pray on numbed knees and reach into your habit to retrieve
Worn rosary beads.
They click against each other while held up to the forehead
Each bead being caressed with love between the index and thumb.
On that floor cold from the December air
Before the roaring fire of faith
The blood of the stigmata drips
And floods
Encasing the cross of Christ hanging before your chest.
Let the heart beat
Let the heart beat that wants to be the fool for God.
In your coarse habit kneel let the garment underneath
Quell any desire, defeat Lucifer by denying yourself.
Confess sins brought about through remorse of being
The king of youth.
Peace and love
Pace e bene!
Let not the trails of this world tarnish the silver that is
The inner radiance
Let his golden heart melt
And jump whole heart into his pool of love.
The blood runs down wrists and forms the drops
That falls from the elbow
Though weakened you are the strongest
Knight of Christ.

We quell our thirsts with drops of words
From dew dripped quills.
To taste the flavour of phrases
It is delicious to the mind.
The senses revel in symphonies
Made stories-poetry.
To write the world is not a novel
But rather inspire verses.

Twice amongst the meadows watching
from behind a Cyprus tree
he stares at thee with anxious waiting
glances nervous as he yearns for thee.

Twice amongst the meadows walking
plucking  blossoms as they bloom
release from capsules such a fragrance
that make the glorious angels swoon.

He tasted bitter poppy petals
chewed to paste they cling and swell
to the innards of his teeth
each tiny bud they do expel.

grass and sun combine to create
an early summers reckoning
that bring about the union of
springs infant buds to bring to she.

From behind his hiding place
he comes to thee with frail mutterings
coyly he presents an antidote
to cure your failing frame.

As that maiden swoons from fever
pale as winter's deadly moon
fight she does for every swallow
that comes from each shallow breath.

Indeed her lover knows her sickness
and with ointment doth he bring
but to late he comes to aid her
for he is a timid thing.

In his arms she breaths her last
and with her dying plea
she implored as to why
he withheld his love from she.

Sit alone aside from all
Aloof you wallow curled in pain
Your inner self is slowly dying
As love and time slip away.

Down among the window pane
The rain slides down the glass
Below the people are drowning
Within their hopes that failed to pass.  

Assembling their rotted lives
They walk and while they stand they fall.
Eaten out by maggots they crumble lost
Inside a case battered so.

Eventually time will pass us by
Just as a gust sent from the sky
Just like the sweet morning dew
The sun that rises cures the brew
Just like the witch aloof from you
She brews, she brews? Just like the dew
On now the ticking of the clock upon my wall of flowered pots
The tick and tock repetitive
Tie time that sheds upon my head
It flies away just like a bird, a bird?
Oh yes a lovely dove.

Coasted river
Curse’d thing
Lying still on jagged edge
Watch for harpies howl instead.

I have walked across the meadows
And smelt the flowers, fresh and new.
I have skirted the edge, gazed upon the rocky *****
Seen the steep mountaintops.
I have experienced the terrain
And wiped the beaded sweat
From my furrowed brow.
I have slipped and fallen
Not wanting to rise, too try again.
I have time and again rubbed raw
My palms and feet to reach the summit,
And yet the wind knocks me down
And the stubborn mountain will not fall
It will not yield; so cold it is, so distant.
Anguish follows, then hurt, and pain.
And soon my pity is swept away on those winds I thought to be my foe.
I look upon the mountaintop
And realize I could not climb
And will not climb
This mound of earth.
I will turn my back to it
And let my anger simmer
Ill let it boil and spill over unto the ground
Leaving burn marks as a “beware of danger” sign.
Now all yearn to reach the top
Is buried under an avalanche of soil.
I turn my back away from it
And look towards that meadow.
It is not as green, or lush, or sweet
As I remember it to be.

She walks along that pathway
With tattered dress from the thicket
Watching as the mass of earth
***** her down, ***** her down.

And sink she does so far, so far
A scraping scream gurgles up
And spreads into the pitching earth
Earth wet with sweat and blood
She screams into her sweat and blood.

Smothering, the heat takes over
As the earth continues on
To **** her down so far down
In every drop of sweat that bulbs
And with so much blood she breaths in death’s humidity
And grasps for something tangible within reality.

Into the eyes of death she looks
Unnerved he watches speaking not.
A quivering lip cannot sway he to take a hold her hand in his.
And watch he does with unmoved eyes his elusive pray sink further down.
The indifferent earth breathing in the sweat and blood swallows her
Which solidifies within her lungs. He laughs as she marches on with tune
With death’s macabre band so far down. So far down, she’s ****** down.

We brushed the soil from our cloths
laced our laces
tied our knots
and hair back in one.

We exited that place with empty souls
and hearts filled with sorrow.

The almighty sounds  rang in our ears
while we slept we dreamed dreams
of our experience.

Some of us kept our eyes open
till they shriveled and fell from their
places. While others laid down their heads
and slept forever.

Others yet kept on,
walking like ghosts through this world
waiting for any comfort
or abrupt oblivion.

My fingernails scream
Bursting with contrast against my fingers
Against my skin
Is that why you don’t love me,
Because my fingernails scream?

My hair is not the same
It curls in ecstasy around my fingers
Hiding my screaming fingernails
Like a lovers embrace.
But do you not love me, because my hair is not the same?

My eyes will never be as light, or bright
Or lovely as yours tonight,
But dark as the contrasting night
Against all things that harbour light.
Is that why you don’t love me, because my eyes are not as bright?

Take me as you see me,
A shade of depth against the deep,
Or something that you cannot see,
Or fully comprehend.
Don’t tell me you don’t love me, because you do not comprehend.

You came in the night
with a shining radiance you coaxed me
to throw from me my thin protection
and follow you into the night.

With sweets and love
you lured me in. Each kiss was drugged
with honey, drawing the moisture from myself
and with a weakening constitution i embraced your love.

Each touch coupled with a seductive word
I loved from you, though to late I realized, each word
laced with damnation. And soon
nothing could I live on, but your word.

Wanting to escape I cannot.
No matter where I turn your grin reflects against
petrified eyes. Each escape I attempt you are
always a step before my timid feet
and now to live on I cannot.

"Kakodaimonia" I cry out
but you who lured me to this dark place
says nothing, but holds out your hand instead
grabbing and crushing mine until I
cry out.

Your hands were soft
they were knowing-and
forgettable.

When my mind goes blank
I thank God
because I hate waiting for
eternity to come.

Its another day
the sun is high in its dome
and the humans make their sounds
-its loud.
I wish to crush them;
to hear their bones crack
and their tissues tenderize.
Then all the sound would echo
then ebb away.
Their would be no human noise!
and my mind could drown free.

The leaves were brittle
I let them crumble in my hands
while I rumbled them together
making organic friction.
They drizzle from my flattened palms
and I watch as the civilization below these moist wood-chips
and soil look up in amazement at my autumnal snow.
Does that make me an instrument of nature?
Their pagan goddess?
Perhaps not.

My scattered leaves rebound
and some flies back toward my face
a fragment of a whole
lands on the pink of my bottom lip.
I brush it away
holding it on the tip of my index
watching the wind carry it away.
I wish the wind would carry
me away.

On the edge I look out
I wonder nothing, I think nothing
all that has long been done.
Like a novel yet unfinished I hang
-disordered, and shamed-
from your disinterest.
My mind is not blank
just nonexistent.
I stand and watch the cars rush by
busy with a sense of purpose to
the people inside.
One step froward
is eternally backwards
over the ledge that I look out.

When first we shed our innocence-exposed to sin
now that we were
I looked out toward that barren world
shedding my first tears from grief.
An angel with an inflamed sword
stood between my beloved and I.
When I cried-he answered not
then my soul had filled with dreaded
consternation.
Oh he was watching us-
looking down from up above
his heart torn out just as ours were.
Things would never be the same
our sylvan paradise we saw destroyed
then razed.
Those tempting boughs went up in righteous flame.
Soon there was nothing to feed our eyes
we realized we were left denied.
Behind was left that damning snake
who hissed and shivered as its laughter quaked.

Edit
lovely
by Kim Brown on Wednesday, 25 November 2009 at 16:45
From up high
there is a meadow
Where succulent flowers grow
In the deepest trough.
Its scent wrapped around us
Suffocating us
Drugging us
Intoxicating
Till we could barely stand.
As I stare into your eyes
I feel naked
Before you
I am stripped bare
To my raw soul.
Nothing else can compare
To your voice
Close to my ear
To the tickle of your
Whisper.
When you tell me
I love you.

The wailing winds
whip about
lashing at the wheat
bending-cowering down.
Against the night
the stars shine-
holes in the floor of heaven.

Time is
fragile.
It peers from behind
only to
disappear.
Fleeting on sprightly foot
my lungs burn
from a lack of
air
trying to find a way to come
close
to you.
our time is
dwindling.
Passing until
it turns an
un-reversable corner.
but I'll find you soon
and our time apart
wont seem so
gaped.

soft
abstract
feeling
you inside of
tender folds of skin.

ripples of musical tremors vibrate

ignite
fire
melting through to
another side of
skin.

Pressurized
knees beating against floored wood
cushions
provided by
dead leaves.

Bite
into that wrinkled fig
ripe from its source
sweet syrup gushing
from roasted cell walls.

Viens beat
sycronized with
my
heart.
use your veined hand
break through
my ***** shell

release my heart
watch that redness beat
and gush
like that eaten fig.

Arched spasm
crushed fingers
against
a soft
surface.

Camera flashes
send me back
to that time before
when images
sent a flush
through
me.

Fly down
splash through my rainbow
drip colours in my eyes
I am no longer blind.
Wooden flowers bloom from concrete grounds
vines peel spiders from bananas trees.
Through the windows of a
green eyed child
mother earth embraces her
-that gaian child.
Pixies fly on webbed wings
while
tinkering bells sound like mewling babes.
From below he watches a sky
turn dark.
He can not help but smile.

Rest to sleep my lovely one
smile that smile that reaches your eyes.

Southern summer nights
too hot
swimming in a sea of humid
drowning in a pool of sweat
and sweet tea.
Sweet tea like syrup
dark hazel
filled with ice
cubed and perfect
from an imperfect freezer tray.
Frizzy hair
glistening skin
from a dull sun
tempered by an Atlantic breeze.
The moon shines full
lighting the scent of the summer night.
Honey suckle, hydrangeas, cotton textured
dandelions like parachutes against the
black night sky
is a southern summer night.

I knelt
elbows propped
eye lids shut.
I inhale the smell;
the strong scent of
incense--frankincense
with myrrh.
I hear the figure in black talk
his voice rings strong through out the
building
ringing off the crumbling walls
reflecting like the light
through the stain glass windows.

We were timid
i laid my eyes on you at first
then looked away.
my heart beat
fast
so fast
sofastsofastsofast.
At first I wanted to talk,
we talked
we talked and laughed and smiled
then
nothing.
Nothing then hugged then kissed
we
kissed....
and it was
nothing but
bliss.

What is it that you're thinking
tell me what you
ponder
while you watch me
doubled over.
As you watch me doubled over
heaving
bile
and spit
and breakfasts meal.
Does it disgust you when I choke
and cough
eject
half digested
----not even fully digested----
nutrition from my
acid scarred throat?
Or do you just stand there
feeling nothing.

She remembers
vividly
walking in.
The smells
the feel of the coarse hard wood
against her feet
the yellowed and peeling flakiness
of floral wallpaper.

She recalls the meat simmering on the stove.
The stove which was old
bulbous and black-cast iron perhaps.
It filled the small one room lighthouse
collecting between the crevices wedging and
flattening itself between plaster and cement.

Each step made a sound
reminding the surroundings of her presence.
The solitary light bulb flickered as she pulled its string.
Brushing her cheek she felt his toes
swinging 180 degrees then back again
-maybe less of a dramatic angle.

My feet are numb

they are cold.

My thin fingers burn

from harsh wind

from no cover.

My teeth clatter

clack
clack
clacking

quick and repetitive

against each other

with a VIOLENCE

that makes them shatter

-weakened-

by years of sleepless nights spend

grindingthemtogether.

Standing aloof

apart    from      everyone    and    everything    

alon­e.

Condensation fogs my quarter window
and as my other self becomes concealed
behind my cloud of warmed breath
I fabricate a tale
that I am the imagination
of my own reflection.

Amidst the fire's crackle
the wood pops
and black smoke rises coating my chimney's
inner side. I stare into its blue core
and see the elemental force burn
intense!
then die out....

Who then is real
what if I am my own reflection
a thought living inside a mind
planning out my day
while she lives her own life.

How can we really know if we exist
if we never truly know that we're awake
Are we dreaming, or are we the dream?

Think!

What if I asked you
entreated you into ending me.
My fingers click against
sweat stained keys,
my eyes strain against the florescent lights of
my computer screen,
my ears vibrate with the sounds of laughter penetrating the empty
dead space of my closed room.
I don't want to continue like this.
My life is walking
with wearied feet sinking
deeper
and deeper still
in the mud of desperation.
My toes crack
my ankles creak from the stiff cold
as I rotate their joints.
I'm becoming tired,
as the night progresses
I wish often than cautiousness allows
that I
would sleep and not wake.