Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Kenz Jul 2012
Walking away before you are hurt.
Counting your blessings as they come.
Looking for the silver lining.
Telling yourself those easy lies.

It will be okay, just stay strong.
Don't let it get to you, you are better.
Someday it will be perfect.
In time it will seem funny.

Laughing as the blow comes.
Talking back after your long done.
Fighting when you've already lost.
Insulting yourself just for fun.

Don't try if you can't win.
Next time you'd be better off if you just roll over.
Kiss their *****.
**** up to them, before they hurt you again.

Learn to not trust.
Do not forgive.
Why give second chances?
Speak to yourself in paranoia.

They will hurt me if I let them in.
Evil plans are in their heads.
Check them for weapons as they come through the door.
Watch closely.

Smile brightly even so.
Be kind to those tools.
Because nothing.
Nothing.
Will confuse them to the point of insanity, like you do.
Kenz Feb 2014
Even now,
I still awaken
In a pitch black room,
Covered in sweat,
With my heart
Racing in my chest;
I wake up
With a tear
Running the distance
From my eye
To the pillow,
A lump sits in my throat,
And there is your name
On the tip
Of my tongue.
Kenz Jun 2012
Sometimes,
The worst feeling on Earth,
Is all too known.
But, no one else can ever know.
They won't understand
Because there are no bruises on my skin.
And that makes it easy
To believe that it is all in my head.

When you grow up,
Through a blanket of tears,
Always hiding,
Loved ones being your worst fears,
With memories of being hurt and confused,
Suddenly there is a lot more out there to fear.

As a child, always crying myself to sleep.
Today not ever letting out a tear.
Much too weak to always hold it in,
But too used to it to break.

The problem with this is that it's too hard to hate.
If I could I'd be out that door.
Away from here, all alone.
That would be okay with me,
As long as it would never find me.

Watching the one you care the most about,
Cry and sob until they shake.
Scratch marks down their back
And tears down their face.

While you will quickly learn to hurt,
Faster than anything else.
Maybe you will get help.
Unlike me.
But there is so little proof for this.
After all, emotions have no face.
Kenz Sep 2012
Forced away from emotion,
Afraid to smile,
Gave away no tears,
No sign of sorrow.

A feeling like boredom,
but lacking.
As cold as ice,
but more chilling.

Empty stares,
Loss hope,
Forgotten dreams,
Deprived of happiness.

Considering suicide,
but it's too easy.
Thought of cutting,
but that's too known.

No emotion,
Not forgiving,
Forgot to smile,
It's called lost.
Kenz Sep 2012
She walks delicately,
carefully, easily.
Right on by you.
She talks quietly,
beautifully, gracefully.
Right next to you.
Quickly she locks you in.

She whispers seductively,
huskily, sexily.
Right into your ear.
She says sweet things,
cute things, great things.
Straight to you.
And now she's getting through.

Her heels clack.
He nearly spat.
But all you do is stare.
The way she talks is planned.
The way she walks--rehearsed.
All those things were petty lies.
But it's too late.

She smiles cutely,
quickly, embarrassed.
Just to get to you.
She blushes deeply,
innocently, easily.
While getting ready for you.
She has got you chained now.

She acts timidly,
shyly, less boldly.
To get closer to you.
She treats you well,
kindly, graciously.
Just to lie to you.
She's got you begging.

Her heels clack.
He nearly spat.
But all you do is stare.
The way she talks is planned.
The way she walks--rehearsed.
All those things were petty lies.
But it's too late.

She holds your heart frighteningly,
tightly, brightly.
Making her own you.
She looks strong,
powerful, unforgettable.
Showing herself to you.
And now you see through it all.

She steps lightly,
passionately, happily.
Over to you.
She seems cruel,
evil, sinister.
Having played you.
Too bad it's nearly the end.

Her heels clack.
He nearly spat.
But all you do is stare.
The way she talks is planned.
The way she walks--rehearsed.
All those things were petty lies.
But it's too late.

She holds herself dignifiedly,
highly, gloriously.
As she brings the knife to you.
She cuts deeply,
thrillingly, chillingly.
Straight into you.
If only you had known.

She moves smoothly,
willingly, cutely.
Right on by you.
She is biter,
sinister, crazy.
As she continues.
And it restarts, nothing new.
I loved the idea for this poem.  It really was really fun to write.  The violence that I wrote was unplanned for but completely fun!
Kenz Jun 2012
I wasn't given a perfect life.
No life that can be organized and easy.
I don't have a cookie-cutter life.
It will never be like theirs.

They all tease me for being busy.
I can't spare anytime.
They all think that I am lazy for not showing up on time.
They don't know the real reason why.

I never thought I was normal.
But they all know that now.
I never wanted to be normal.
That they don't know.

I wasn't given a perfect life.
No life that can be organized and easy.
I don't have a cookie-cutter life.
It will never be  like theirs.

So, now must I say that I am sorry?
For not having their life?
So, now should I beg for forgiveness?
Because I am different?

I won't say that I am sorry.
For not having a life like theirs.
I don't want their forgiveness.
I never wanted to be normal.

I wasn't given a perfect life.
No life that can be organized and easy.
I don't have a cookie-cutter life.
*It will never be like theirs.
Kenz Mar 2013
A million little ******,
in the flesh right below my ears,
my God I am so scared.

A humming so deep,
right next to my bones,
a begging in my blood,
that really wants to leave.
My God I am so scared.

The logic to my left,
the needs to my right.
What can I do,
But hold myself?
My God I am so scared.

The desperation of my head,
to end my desires.
But if what allow myself today,
I can’t fantasize tomorrow.

It’s a burning so bright,
deep in my soul.
I want to let it out,
it’s growing so old.

How can I not?
It’s such a simple little thing,
a blade in one hand
the other at my side.
Even through this,
my God I am so scared.
Yes, a little deep and a bit of a trigger but I really need ways to express these desires because giving in ism't healthy or good.  I made a promise that I will keep, but sometimes I still feel the need and it ***** and it burns but I need to not give in.  So, yes, it may hurt you all to read but it's better than it would be.

— The End —