she said she hated everyone, but she really hated herself.

I looked at her sleeping ,
with her makeup smudged from crying and hair a mess.
She looked tired.
Tired of the the fake smiles and ugly lies.
Tired of pretending to be happy.
And in that moment I thought about how
happy she was as a child for no reason,
and how simple things were back then.
And now she's slowly disappearing, and I'm
just sitting there, watching it all happen,
knowing I can't do anything about it.
...And thats when I knew that I would love her
more than she would ever love me,
simply because she had nothing left
inside of her anymore.- kh

If there's one thing I learned about death it's that
everyone forgets you eventually,
whether its 6 years or 10 months,
they will forget the way you laughed,
or what your handwriting looked like,
They'll stop visiting you at your grave,
and soon you'll just be a faded memory,
an empty space in their mind,
so if there's one thing I learned about death its,
while you are alive, live for yourself,
because in the end, the only person you will have
is yourself.

I remember the parking lot you pulled over to when you told me you were molested by your uncle,
I remember the road we were driving on when you told me you were suicidal
I remember  the garage sale we were looking for when you told me you cut yourself,
I remember the song we were listening to when you told me you have an eating disorder,
I remember the crack in your voice when you told me you were depressed and it's all an act,
I remember the moment I realized how I grew up with you my whole life and I have no idea who you are.

I wish my life was an old polaroid picture,
where I am the girl wearing ripped stockings,
sitting on an ugly coach next to my best friend at a party
laughing and drinking too much and capturing that moment,
to keep it forever, to look back
and know that
things were
okay.  
*-kh

She's the kind of girl that wears converse with her dress,
eyeliner running and hair a mess.
She's the type who wears red lipstick and
smokes cigarettes.
She's the girl who drinks to forget,



and has no regrets.