i like you
because
you let me
not be in love
with you

i will never care what we are
i need no names, no reassurances.
i will never ask what this is
i need no decisions, no ultimatums.
i will never wonder what we could be
i need no possession, no claim.
for the scratches on your back,
the kisses on my neck,
the curves of your body
fitting effortlessly
into the curves of my body,
will always be enough.

i love playing games,
****** up games
of jealously and
flirtations gone awry
messing with your
mind and mine too
confused i can't understand
why i can't give up
these ******* games
i love destruction
too much to stop
before i ruin you and
me and
us.

I don't wanna talk anymore
and I don't wanna listen.
I don't wanna believe more *******
and accept more lies.
I don't wanna pretend I don't know
or don't care or don't see it.
I don't wanna love you blindly
or pretend to either.
I don't wanna be a joke anymore
and I don't wanna take you back one more time.
I don't.
I can't.

"I like you
as more
than just
the girl
I take
home"

5 am words
sweet like
blackberry
kisses

you were all laughing
but i was screaming
and screaming
SCREAMING
for you to slow down
stop, please just
stop

the world isn't meant
to be sideways
blowing past in blurs
and chunks
of nothingness

but you won't listen
and I'm flying now
skidding
into that
nothingness

my skins gone
and this asphalt's
turned red
thick with my blood
and i swear
now I'm

dead.

this is only temporary

insanity

developed a little
bad habit per say
started smoking
cigarrettes on
summer nights
each one filling
my lungs with
thick smoke leaving
tastes of you lingering
on my lips

It was never butterflies with you,
something so delicate and fragile
could never have survived the
blistering existence of us.

And it was never conversations
filled with sweet tender utterances,
but words of fierce jealousy
that simultaneously sliced us apart
and flung us together.

It was never quiet walks with you
while our fingers intertwined,
for those stinging red scratches and
moments of ravaging pleasure
were always much preferred.

And it was never love with you,
neither of us would ever allow
something so innocent and pure
to creep its way into our mess.

but now I'm afraid i must admit,
i love every inch of our
blistering, jealous, ravaging
mess.

i don't hold hands.
there's been too many
before you who have
let mine go to
dangle empty,
alone

but last night
you grabbed my hand
and wouldn't let go
and i didn't stop you,
just bit my lip
to stifle a
smile.

i will ruin
you all.
especially if i
love you.

We got lost in conversation
about sports teams and politics,
the usual conversation,
lubricated by our spritzers and passing spliffs,
countless conversations
with your hand clasped on my thigh
and stolen smiles across the back porch

I sat back
laughing to myself about
the herb garden they've got growing
underneath those multicolored christmas lights,
tiny thyme leaves
I want to grind between my fingertips

And then we're leaving together
in your old Toyota that sometimes drives itself,
still caught up in our conversations
about politics and sports teams,
lubricated by those spritzers and passing spliffs,
that funny little herb garden,
those things who have given me
the most beautiful evening
of my life

I am so simultaneously
unbelievably content
in a beautiful world
and so indescribably
heartbroken
at the ugliness in
everything

its different,
for the first time
i don't feel the need
to remain loyal,
i just simply
want to

Each time I trust you,
there will always
be something
more.

you traced my freckles
with your
fingertips.
you made me forget
about all my
scars.

i hate you
because
i like you
too ******* much.
and i hate you
because you
left your smell
all over my
body, my skin.
and i hate you
for making me
so happy but
making sure that
i know it will
never last.
i hate you for
pulling me in
over and over,
for bullshitting
me every time.
and i hate you
for believing me
when i say its
all ok because
its not and it
never will be
because i really
will never admit
how much i
******* like you.

i want you like tequila
salty
bitter
deliciously
dangerous

it feels weird
to sing and dance
in my shower...

am i smiling?
wow

its just that
sometimes i get scared
that I'm just floating around with no
significance at all

i forgave you when you dipped me
on kitchen floors with bare feet and
a mixture of drugs
but im laying in my bed
and i cant feel those kitchen tiles
or hear jimi hendrix anymore and
youre not here
and maybe
i just dont want you to be
anymore

everything about you,
everything about the world,
makes me sad
makes me hate it.

I may never
come
back
.

I waste my time
with trivial things
trying to forget,
since I always do that
anyways

I floss my teeth
maybe twice,
Because my gums don't
remember if I have
already

Someone told me I looked
nice in the library today,
was I there?
I must have left my
books behind

And it seems I've burnt
the toast again,
I don't think I was
going to eat it
anyways

I sit on my bed
singing the words that
taste faintly familiar,
drifting
in and out of
dreams of
you.

i just don't wanna
be the one
that falls in love,
but can't be
loved back
because I'm drunk in love
and I'm sober in love
and I'm always in love.
believe me or don't
but I'm here
for forever.

when I'm lonely
you make me not
lonely anymore,
but its funny you see,
I've begun to realize
i can make myself
not lonely anymore,
and I'm starting to wonder
if I've just loved you
under false pretenses

and
sometimes people
just need to use you,
and you let them
because you
hope they'd let you
do the same.

i just really hope
that you're worth
being used.

i wish to forever be
running towards you

in love

or away from you
with screams rippled
with sweet giggles

lets ease our loneliness together
tangle our sadness together
and
bind our unbounded madness
to each other

Being happy
brings unbearable sadness.
For it will never be with these people,
this person,
in this place, or with these things,
ever again.
They will all change,
and we will simply
cease to exist.

in my dreams
i kiss you so hard
i wake up
breathless