I'll keep my sadness at bay
where it won't spread into the depths of the unknown

maybe this way I can swim to safety
maybe I can catch a ride by a passerby

I will take a warm hand anyway
the upward curve of a smile
a glimpse of human
that's all I need

I'm sorry that I never listen

as I listen to my heart beat in an unfamiliar way

and late at night as I lay in tear soaked pillows
I hear the rain for the fifth time this week

and maybe I've hit the drop off point
maybe I've done all I could do

torn away the last of the good
to see what remains
and maybe I'm looking for attention
or not paying enough

dropping the ball
picking up when things were good

don't do this to yourself

do you ever feel like a bad person
not by the word of someone else
but an inner disgust;
a creeping crawling entity that takes you down a path

no control but all the control in the world
crows one by one picking apart your thoughts

scavenging
eating away at any sense of belief you had in yourself

washed away like a sink once full of ***** dishes

I breathe but feel that's a privilege,
many before with purer hearts have gone

but me
I'm still here

He has eyes that wander
Wander through creaks and upstream
Down riverbanks and across the jungle floor

He has eyes that escape
Escape the connection of two souls merging

I don't know I can be enough for someone who is always searching for better

how it feels to be newly 24
it feels short termed
like a fresh turned leaf
the beauty is unimaginable but in the back of your mind the unrelenting doom that it will be gone so soon
and as the wrinkles of time sway you, it only makes sense to wonder about how many lines have formed due to worry
I've worried my whole life it seems
for external matters, internally, and things unseen
when will I get married
when will I have a baby
when will I become an adult
when will I feel ready?

Unanswered questions leave holes in my life, open ended questions are always the toughest, though seen easiest because you can elaborate

But what can I say

I shiver
I freeze to the bone
the.warmth of his love has experienced it's first frost