the purest amidst the lies,
the truth among the dark.

shaking behind the screens
smiling out of fear

cold
*so, cold

you know,
everyone should realize
depression is a serious problem.

it's a mental disease.

it takes away one's hope, dreams, and its lovers,
leaving him shattered.
wanting his life to vanish.

so take a look around you,
observe the beautiful flowers in the garden,
quench the thirst of the wilted,
cheer up the lonely.

your words could make a difference.

do not dwell in your own sadness,
your nose stuck in a book
of all your problems.

help others with theirs.
it could make a difference.

it could save a life.

she cradled her heart
on the mattress of lies,
and the frames of guilt.

the blanket of ignorance
failed to give her warmth.

her scars,
bruises,
and the dried blood
in the arms of her cold body-

she cradled the hurt,
with slow tears down her cheeks.

wishing to forget
every breath of her existence

her hair ceased to hold her lies,
and her eyes didn't hide her green anymore.

she stared at her reflection,
her scars and bruises
on the very thing that kept her alive

the pain,
so intricately woven

with the purple blood
and the dark veins

and the alive muscle
that pumped for every breath of her existence-

the bus bumps against my head
the music blasts in my ear

the tunes im obsessed with
they calm me

i hold that book to my chest,
your name written in the palm of my hand-

i smile,
wondering what you would do if you were
next to me
that very instant.

even though we're thousands of miles away
distance isn't supposed to keep us apart.

or so they say.

distance doesn't bother me, as it does for others
i keep smiling about you

thinking about you

living with you in my heart

i wait for the day i go back and visit,
we can finally see each other

i imagine,
me, glomping you in a hug
a smile on our faces
you, cracking jokes at my shoes and my
new knicknacks

i smile
☺︎

maybe we could hold hands
talk about everything
enjoy the peace
where time and distance arent chasing us

my daydreams take me to that memory

it was your birthday,
you're wearing your pink, collared shirt

i remember the softness of that first hug
when i felt heaven collide with the beings on earth

the blue lockers smiled down at me

the world didnt seem like such a bad place anymore

if only you were there with me

you and i,
we meet under the stars

our passion for each other
burning as passionately as the stars

we meet with chapped lips,
the cold air ****** out

we burn despite the cold
we musn't stay warm.

i don't know how long the fire will last
you've rekindled me but now i'm afraid

i don't know how this will end
will this be a tragedy also?

you watch me struggle in the distance,
i've told you everything about my past

but you'll end up leaving like everyone else
so this time i'm not going to hold on as tight

i don't know how this will end
maybe i will just leave

if i leave before you do
that wouldn't hurt for me,

right?

ohh,
my heart is like my chapped lips

cracked and deprived of precipitation

i think the aridness is going to drive me wild
my mind has become a desert

blowing in the emptiness,
the cold of the nights

ohh,
my heart is like my chapped lips

broken like ceramics

you have the chance to fix it,
but you have a bigger chance to break what's left over of me

i think i'll just cover up my insanity
with some chapstick on my lips

so no one sees my thoughts
that come from below and up above

dark void diffuse out of my soul,
screaming,
internally-

dark void swallows me whole,
leaving, me
blind-

dark void consumes my mind,
heaving, up
dark thoughts

the darkness of the blue in our soceity
the grayness of our generation
the blackness of this world of what it is
the emptiness filling our minds

i void the thoughts
into the waste
i avoid the tears,
but they're bound to come
the void has been waiting
the insidious void
the void inside the insidious
thoughts of the void.

the lyrics thrum in my mind
and i connect the dots
from one reality to the other.
it makes a shape and i draw it out,

tearing at the dark thoughts.
and i
SCREEEAAAAAMMMMMMMMM

AT THE TWISTEDNESS OF IT ALL
THE CROOKEDNESS OF OURSELVES,
THE DARKNESS OF THE INEVITABLE VOID.
WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS FOR US ALL.

**THE GHOSTS, THEY COMFORT ME, WELCOME TO THE DARK VOID OF MY MIND.

it was just today
that i found that
i broke your heart.

it wasnt intended.
i never wanted to break your heart,
and I know how it feels-
and I didnt want that to happen for you.

I'm sorry,
deep inside my broken heart
the shards of my fragile body
and from the depth of the pieces of my dark soul
that you picked up.

you gave me light,
you gave me a reason to live.
and now i broke your reason,

with a simple action.

i'm sorry.
i swear that i didnt mean to.

if i could do anything to go back to reverse it-
trust me,
i would.

i know that my apologies can never fully show
how broken i am
and how sorry i am

i know that your words
can never show how much broken you are

you say i threw ur heart out the window,
and crushed it.

but in my point,
i didn't mean for that to happen.

i thought it was okay.
it seemed like you didnt care.

we both cried that day.

we both cried.

but now im so confused
of what to do?

my present is right here,
laid out before me-

my past is chasing me
and i want to accept it


but its okay.
it'll work out.
right?

i will sleep
like everyone else

falling in sleep,
while everyone else
falls  in love

there will be a day
when i will sleep
an endless death

you will see the smile
on my lifeless face.

i am lifted to the clouds,
oh take me to the rainbows,
dont search for me-

i'll already be gone.

begone.

driven
by what,
cars?

or ourselves?
our motivations?
for others?
out of love?
pity?

rhetorical questions.
think.
rhetorical,
bounce the thought around in your mind
dwell on the shrouds of chemicals
that make up every thought of yours

bounce.
from place to place,
exploring the unknown,
absorbing.
you are a sponge.

drive yourself.
don't let anyone else drive you.
for you the driver,
owner of the car-

it's always dangerous when a passenger
of your mind
steers for you.

for you are going their path,
not your own.

i encourage you,
build a path of your own.
into the thick,
dark,
woods.

i used to hate this place when i was young
i look back at my hometown with guilt

so many memories,
good and back

and i'm not sure if i want to go back
anymore

i used to cry while i slept
and woke up feeling like i was drowning

now i sing happiness as i go
i don't look back at my fears anymore

keep your head up
let the slightest of your smile show
because that is enough for me
to keep going

use my bones as firewood
to light that passion of yours

you can use me,
**** me,
to rekindle your heart

my skin
will turn to dirt and decompose

you can use my remnants
for your own good.

because i will jump into a canyon for you,
even when you are long gone.

i will be here,
waiting,
until the stars look down on me and say,
she has been standing there longer than i have been in the sky.

burn my heart.
if you need to

because i will sacrifice my flesh
for your own passion

what is your biggest fear?

whisper it in my ear,
so that no one hears.

i'll melt them all away,
with my sunshine tips
of my blossom hands.

i'll keep you warm during the coldest nights,
keep you company in your fearful times.

i'll be the place you call home.

my personality may look dark,
but trust me,
i am as fluffy as the clouds watching you.

what is my phobia, you ask?

i'm afraid of being the type of person i hate.
that would make me the biggest hypocrite in all-time hypocrisy.

but sometimes i feel the meanness
in my dark blood

i hate those who are judgmental and narcissistic.
what if i am one of them?

i hate so passionately,
brightly,
that i may be judgmental too.

what if i'm stuck in a maze of my own suffering
that i do not realize that the door
is in another's maze?

i fear.

yes,
we fear.

but we will get over them together.
let's be strong.

Yes,
I feel the weight on my shoulders.

Bending forward with an
invisibility

Balancing Atlas's world on my shoulders.

so young, so fragile, but
strong

I can carry the weight
of my own problems

I'll drop mine
to carry yours
if I have to

It would be a pleasure to see the ball
rolling down

an endless hill
of sacrifice

I feel the red blood
dark blood
rushin through my veins

and in that moment,  I know-
I'm strong enough to carry
whatever you have for me

I'll carry yours too

let my Achille's heel shine
I won't cover it up

show it to the world
I'm not afraid of what's to come

go with the flow

let the events rush through my head

I stopped thinking
about every single thing

my instincts led me
to this place

and now I have to follow through
can't just stop in the middle of traffic.

I'm not tempted by Aphrodite
and all
the petty things

your words in my ear
they become boring nonsense

I go with the flow
of my favorite tune
and just let it go

let it flow

it's so ironic
that i spent up until 1am just to talk to you

i used to sleep everynight with a smile on my face
and holding that last
"goodnight"
to my chest,

feeling so loved
and in love

ha ha ha ha

how distant we are now
its funny just thinking about
our past
and what we've become

it hurts to think about it,
but its also ironic

that i thought we could be something more
but i realize now

no

we couldn't have

you were already gone

im gone now

i knew it was coming,
but i didn't know it would be this soon.
only this morning in the gray lazy sky,
i was thinking-
what if you stopped caring for me?

what if you moved on??

what if you forgot about me??

i couldn't imagine a life without you,
although i could see it coming.
impending nights never fail to  be tardy.
i could feel your vibes, i could sense that you stopped caring.

but i refused to believe.

maybe i thought about it beforehand so i would learn how to cope with it.

but maybe thinking about it before made the heartburn sting more.
because it hurts.

when you confessed, i didn't feel pain.
i knew i was supposed to,
but the truth hadn't sank in.

only when i sat in silence, drifting into space-
then
i realized
that you were gone,
fully gone,
gone from my grasp.

and i couldn't stop the tears from rolling down,
tearing up my glasses,
my soul crying with me.
my heart crying out from its pain,
my mind wanting to release itself from its torture,
but in struggling-
trying to free itself-
it made the burn bigger,
pain larger.

maybe i hadn't loved you as much as the other.
but it still hurt.
no,
it still hurts.
i will never get over the pain,
because in my belief,
you cannot fall out of love.

if you stop loving,
it wasn't love at all in the first place.

that's what i believe.

but then again,
i believed,
i told myself,
that you would never leave.

yet you did,
leaving me alone with my dark thoughts and beasts.

HELP
im drowning in my tears!!

my heart and instincts has led me to the wrong place.

i just want to stop.
because i'm so stressed.

at mealtime,
i stare blankly into space,
thinking.

i'm trying to figure you out.
but i can't.

are you lying?
are you telling the truth?

please tell me.
i need to know.
my brain is hurting
and i think i'm going to cry.

why?
you send so many mixed signals.
can you stop?
i don't need any more drama.

i've had enough with drama.
i've had enough.

i ****** up

i moved on without understanding
the misunderstandings that we share
are our only understandings

i ****** up
i lied to you
and him

i lied
i ****** up

i didnt mean for this to happen.
it will untangle,
i hope.

it's okay.
the future is still bright,
right?

but i still ****** up.
i can't escape from that truth.

i told you that i didnt,
and i have kept secrets from him.

please forgive me.
i am deeply sorry from the depth of my black, inky soul.

i guess i shouldn't care
but I do

i keep telling the world that i'm strong
but i'm breaking inside
and no one knows

i guess i should move on
but nothing is clear

nothing is clear

why?

why did you lie to me?
i know you did a thousand times

and i've believed you every single time that you did, but

why?
why did you lie to me?

you knew i've dealt with these in the past.
you knew it would hurt me.
but why?

i'm so tired.
i'm so tired of the lies you tell me.
it's probably not true this time either.
and

i know i shouldn't care

but

i do.

i've trusted you.

i've trusted someone in a long time.

i trusted, even after the lies you told me.

i know i shouldn't care.

but what am i?
a plaything?
an object?

why are you doing this to me?

do you want me to cry every night?
for trusting you?

you knew that i was gullible.
must you use it against me?

because i guess it don't hurt,
but i guess it does.

the heartburn is still there.

why?

why do you do this?

i thought you cared.
i thought you genuinely did.

but in the end,
no one does.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I just wanted to say

Thank you,
for keeping me safe.
I'm sorry for being ungrateful.
I'm sorry for being arrogant,
or mean.

I'm not, and I know.
I was just quiet, alone in my world
during my hardest times.
You thought i was trying to be
"cool"
"chic"
and "grownup".

I was not.
I was merely thinking to myself,
about the things I experienced.
You never knew my story,

nor did I tell you.
If you made an effort to understand me,
or,
to open up just the slightest bit,

I would've told you.

Instead, you chose to view me as you wished.
And I became that image for you,

because it is easier to meet one's expectations
more than to exceed expectations.

I became what you thought I was.

I love you,
were the words I never got to say.
You viewed me as cold,
heartless,
and phlegmatic-

and I became all those things.
To keep up with my image,
to keep your expectations low,

I did what you expected of me.

But i still am grateful.

You may have never listened to me.
You were never there to give me advice
or give me warning.
You never shared the pain with me.

You made it harder for me,
for making it believe that I was cold, mean, egotistical,
and all those nasty things-
but-

you only made it harder.
just remember that.

I may have learned,
but I still hurt.

I just wanted to say,
just in case I don't stick around to tell you in person.

dreams shine bright,
like all dreams do,

they shine bright
in your mind,
illuminating even the darkest of your thoughts.

dreams are hopes
a game of tag
where we chase and chase
but the game never ends

we hope one day
to accomplish our dreams
whether it's a job,
or changing the world.

each dream shines bright,
shines bright in the darkness of the world
it can brighten up the evil
that is bound to be within us.

do not discourage others' dreams.
do not discourage.
it might be their only source of light,
and how will they survive?

do not laugh. do not mock.
for we are all only human,
wanting to be more, but wanting to be less.

chase the stars
in hope of becoming bright.

im kinda ill from the feels i have
from the blood my heart pumps

im kinda ill from the thoughts i have
the thoughts of my mind, my heart

im kinda sick
of this same old process

that just goes on and on and on

a part of me wants to stop
a part of me wants to believe
that you are the one

even though experience has taught me the other

im tired of this way of love
sometimes i just want to stop

im so tired from the life i choose
can't i just let it loose

for a single moment
back to purity

im so emotionally tired of this pain
i dont want to love anymore

cuz it ends up the same way everytime
the same sick old way

i just want to stop caring
call me a psychopath if you wish

i just dont care anymore

call me a psychopath if you wish

i just want to be emotionless
it would be so carefree

i want to live without a care
free me from this web of tears

squeeze out the last tears
from my empty soul

you will see the black emptiness

spilling over the edges

i built myself a hard shell
for my heart

so that it wouldnt trip
nor fall

i built a wall defending my mind
so it wouldnt fray

i made myself emotionless
i'm sorry,
if you get hurt

but i made myself emotionless
so that im bulletproof

no more petty crushes,
no more loving for me

i sit back as this world of chaos

turns ourselves one by one
into a mess of misunderstandings

and tears

im so tired of all this ****
the pain just wont go away

it kinda builds up like sediment
caking my heart with impurity
the heartbreak just wont go away

i wish it could go away

because i feel like....
i dont feel anymore.

i dont want to,
but it *****.

i kinda want to,
but that ***** too.

the emptiness is making me cold.

i shiver, but no one's there.

cuz i wave them away.

i've made myself alone....

and im crying about it.

i can forsee the future,
and it *****.

i know that its coming,
that it's leaving.....

I will not use guilt to make you stay.
Never will I ever.

But we are tides now,
crashing against each other,
breaking each other's hearts.

The rock between us is Alaska,
the rock that breaks the wave.

We are discreet in the world.
Familiar with each other.

The truths laced under the lies,
but I don't know which is which-

stained cloth over my head,
i work to forget.

but here i am,
procrastinating

under the bright light.

my life has been a giant knot,

i'm trying to untangle it,
to figure it out.

the more i twist and pull,
the more caught up i am
in my own lies.

do u ever have
that one feeling

that one feeling
you hate

when your romeo
is thousands
of miles
away

or either when
the conversation you've been waiting for
with the person you love the most
and he just brushes you off? carelessly?

and when
you're just feeling down
you just need encouragement and a hug from him
he reads your text,
but doesn't reply?

doesn't it just **** you when
the person you're in love with
ignores you,
doesn't talk to you
for days? weeks? months?

don't you just hate the feeling?
that sinking feeling in your heart?
that heartache, not a physical disease,
but an emotional one?

yea.

i do.

but worse,

i have it right now.

she stepped into the room,
drunk with her dreams,
her imagination filling
the brim of her possibilities.

she looked around with hope,
with all the choices swimming in her mind.
but-

where were the unicorns?
mermaids?
happiness?

disappointed, she sank down.

and there will be a time where she will fall,
in loss of hope,
in loss of all;

but she shall be victorious in the end
and although the room
was not her dream,

she allowed herself
to be carried away

cry your eyes out, mi bien.
cry your eyes out.

for when the night comes,
you will be empty.
your eyes empty.

let the tears flow now,
everything will feel better.

let them rush,
let them drip like rain,
let them out.
unstoppable, like a waterfall.

cry, my dear.
i'll always be here for you.
cry to sleep knowing that someone cares for you.
i'll be here for you.
cry about everything you wish.

crying is emotion,
and being emotionless is for babies.

they say his eyes are like the sea,
having difference of depth

different thoughts on different levels
darker, the deeper you go

some say that his eyes are like the moon
reflecting the sun's light

beautiful, round, and celestial;
always there,
staring back at you.

some say his eyes are the most truthful parts about him.
they say eyes don't lie,

the gaze must waver when they lie,
they say.

she says his eyes are dreamy.
the color of the hellfire,

or vibrant as obsidian.

people always tell me,
fall in love with the eyes that you would never tire from looking at.
fall in love with the person that has those eyes.

why do your eyes hold my stare
when you're obviously lying?

I still like you, your lips shaped.
then coming forward with arms stretched.

and enveloping me in safety and warmth.

your eyes were like anyone else's.
they were nothing special,
but the camera of my world.

your eyes didn't mean much to me,
just something i avoided looking at.

it made me nervous,
in a good kind of way.

but over time,
as you started to fray from my grasp,

i looked into the devils of your pupils.
the sin behind it,
the black lies,
mangled with white pure truths.

mixing into a gray
inseparable
that just blackens eventually.

where truths become lies,
you convince yourself that lies are truths;

your eyes staring,
but your thoughts lying.

your eyes were never the moon, nor the sea.
they just said what i wanted to hear,
but never
the quintessence of truths.

i still remember
the text from december

about how you wanted someone special
i gave in,
and said yes

months later
you have moved on

and i remember march 6
as clear as day.

i walked to the rooms
excited for whats to come
because i were to see
a classroom of yours

she comes running out
im sorry,
she says.
but he has moved on,
he has forgotten about you.

i saw your figure

coming down the stairs

i was struck
by lightning

you came down
and walked past me

bewildered and confused,
i walked away

and as i took my last sane steps,
my sanity slipped away

the tears rolled down my cheeks
i felt alone,
i felt lonely
left abandoned to face the harsh world
alone

it was that moment
which i lost my identity
i began to cover myself up
with fake smiles and plastic laughs

i walked back to my locker
my legs jelly, my eyes a water spout

crying silently to myself.
wondering,
why.

i laid my head on the blue door,
i remembered
that you used to come here often

after school

to come check on me
and to send me gifts

i laid my head on my locker door,
feeling the world crumble around me

the tears slipping down my cheeks
i cant stop
make it stop

that was the last day of my sanity.

Is it just me,
or are mirrors weird?

They reflect who you are;
no;
they reflect the opposition
of your composition

Do reflections reflect
who you really are?
Or do they give
a false impression?

The flat surface
reflects
your reflection

Put your finger to the mirror
and if your fingers touch,
it is double sided.
I do say, indeed, mirrors are strange.

Why do mirrors bounce light of my reflection?
Why does my reflection reflect?
Is it trapped in,
or,
is it trapped out?

Is there a parallel world
in which, mirrors are portals?

Is my reflection staring at me,
wondering the same things?

What if the glass blocks me out of the parallel reality,
or rather,
protects me from the harsh, gray reality?

The next thing I knew
There was the salt of my own tears

It was bitter on my tongue
It stung
Like the words

It's so cold,
It's so cold

Memories gradually rush in
In the place the overwhelming feelings

As if in a trance
I begin to recall them
One by one

And tears trickled down my wet cheeks
Again

When I realized that he was my world
And that I would never have him the way that I did before

Because when I look at you
All the others seems to drain of any colour

Everything seems so translucent around you
And I realised

i love the way you say my name
it just sounds surreal

can this amazing person actually be saying
my name?

there are others with the same name as me.
is he talking about me?

i love the way you say my name.
the way you pronounce it,
it's so perfect.

i get butterflies,
because i haven't heard you call me by my name in a while.
i get butterflies.

my name sounds so sweet coming from you.
it sounds beautiful.
i love the way your voice creates my name.

tear my trust apart
tears trickle down
i should've known better not to trust

i'll remind myself to be on my toes.

i thought you were genuine
i thought he was genuine
i guess im too gullible-
like you said.

i should've known not to trust,
not to trust,
not to flirt with love.

you've left me like everyone i cared about did.

you left me.

it doesnt matter, does it?
my feelings don't matter.
because i'm non existent,
right?

i'll just go and disappear,
disappear into the void.
the stars will still shine and the planets will turn,
but does my soul matter?

i let the tears flow as i turn my volume up,
screaming silently,
my mouth stretching wide as to cover up my pain.

if i didn't move,
i think.
this wouldn't really have happened.
if i ceased to exist.

the night impends onto us.
the smiles are unaware of the darkness,
but the oblivious will continue to grin.
it is cold, our minds shiver.

gravity brings the night down.
our discouragement the night down,
the night is our defeat.
but we must win.
satan is waiting, depression insidious to our fall.
we must stand up,
no grave shall cover us all.
no grave shall bury our hopes, our dreams, our love.

we must survive.

bear compassion.
bring the light among our corrupted society.

there is a wall behind a mirror;
someone's situation may remind you of your own,
but they have a story of theirs.
listen to the sweet words that tell the tragedy of irony.

bear compassion.
for we, alone, are not enough to survive the night.
for it is our own thoughts that bring it onto ourselves;
we must ward off the night,
provide each other light.

after all,
even the moon shines brighter than the darkness-
we can perceive our thoughts
in the midst of the mist,
the fogginess of the fog.

the beast of the nights,
our thoughts of the nights,
they consume us from the inside,
they are insidious,
we are engulfed in the sulfuric flames
as we provide fuel to our deaths.

stop those thoughts,
the nightmares of our deep,
endless,
trudging.

I sit in the warm cafe
with the socks on my knees
dropping petals one by one,
watching the November Rain

I relive my memories
as I often do
I time travel into the realm
of what I call daydream

Drop the petals one by one,
count the daisies that are left
tear the stems apart
and trample them with your boots.

Quiet like the November Rain
just think silently to yourself
play the event in your head
just,
relieve the emotion

Drop the petals one by one
Count the numbers you have tallied
mark the little lines on the sheet
sing along to the November Rain

Let your memories drift you away
to the far islands of the realm
I'm so gullible
and that's what makes me so vulnerable

Drop the petals, one by one
count the remaining as they come
predict what'll happen before they run
out of the petals to drop

i want to run away
where they would never find me again

i want to escape my past
my regrets
and my memories

sometimes death feels like the better option

i can catch others
but why isnt anyone here for me

it's ok,
you didnt know

you are too pure, innocent, foolish
you dont understand pain

what the boots have turned us into
a pile of colorless leaves

a mush of grey leaves
with a dark soul

seeking
for a vivid mind

i sigh as i try to cling to the last of our memories.

how much i loved you.

you were my world,
but i was not yours.

i was merely a period of time,
a plaything.

a paper plaything
for a paper *******.

all flat,
fake,
made-up

laughing in our paper universe

riding in paper planes.
we are made up of living things,

but we ourselves are dead.

dead laughs.
dead emotions.

dead,,
like our souls

the scrap of paper
holds so much hope

in seeing everything
again
seeing sunlight
again
feeling joy
again

but i now don't hold a reason to go
get on that sickening plane
where my home was,
is now my heart's grave.

everything would remind me of you,
everywhere is a landmark of all our conversations.
the desk is our whisper to one another.

maybe we write poetry to communicate to the soul,
not to the brain,
but to the heart.

maybe we don't have any other way to sing.
maybe we want our story to be shared.
maybe no one would listen.
but i'm here,
I'm here,
and i will listen.
to the thoughts of your mind.

you were that person to me,
i confided in you,
seeked advice,
and whom i shared memories with.

what happens to all the memories you hold?
will they fade?
but they are too vibrant to fade.
i want to hold them tight, so that i could relive them.
the times of gold, the times of light.

i relive the memories,
each and every night-
the moment of your warmth,
the smile on your face.

i remember your laugh, your dimple, your eyes
i can almost feel them,
although i haven't felt them before.

if i take a plane,
with my ripped ticket,
will my heart mend?
my soul is still broken,
and i am left to decay.

if i take a plane back,
will i be strong enough to endure?
i can't hold back from staring at you.
i will regret it,
but i will stare.

will the tears hold back?
will i be crushed?
will my soul wither?

how do you feel?
are you fine, as you say you are,
but are you suffering, too?
with me?

if you are,
can we make it easier for us?
if you are struggling too,
is it too late to apologize?

I love you, were the words I never had to chance to speak.
But I'm sorry.
for all the pain I caused you,
the weight,
the pain.

you'll be fine without me.

but i still miss you.

time                                                                          

to play        

with feelings                              

☺︎    

time                                                                        

to *****                

with                                                      
their  

thoughts                                

and make them                                                                    

feel                      
useless    

a                                  
n                              
d                            

worthless                                                    
☺︎

my thoughts are dead
my soul is a ghost
inside a living zombie

my brain is dead
the brain cells are dead
from not thinking for a millennium

my mind is made up of half truths
they are lies.
but they are half truths.

for they are not truths,
and if they are not true,
they are lies.

my soul is lazy.
just wanting to sink in my puddle of tears,
sea of pity,
pool of problems.

slowly
drowning

sinking to the bottom
where i will never unravel
the tangle
of my thoughts

my skin are rags
concealing my death

it's why i wear black everyday,

because i want
to attend
my funeral

i think my thoughts should be convicted of ******.
my feelings deserve to go to jail.
my problems should be arrested,
the shoulders of my frail body
bending

underneath the weight of the world

the tears drip

drip,                                
drip,                    
drip.      

one,      
two,                    
three.                              

splash.
puddle.

blinking lashes.
pooling,

rrrrooooollllllll

one drip down the cheek.
one drip down your nose.
one drip down your chin.

drip, drop.

splash.

eyes squeeze.
one last tear.

lashes open,
forehead crinkled,
cheeks shiny and wet,
vulnerable.

tears like rain,
they come down.

i am lost in a sea of colors
my head unable to wrap around the chaos
my thoughts swimming in the sea
ungravitational, floating away

oh, find me somewhere over the rainbow
where i can escape the world
promise me that you'll meet me over the rainbow
so that we can share the bliss of peace

who am i when the beasts inside
consumed my identity
because of them
i created a mask for myself,
and ended up losing my identity

i smile to hide it, i laugh to fake it
wondering why the world doesnt care
it doesnt care
it just revolves
its doing its job

im the careless one

find me over the rainbow,
oh the light of colors blinding me
when my time has reached its end
i am welcomed to the skies

take me over the rainbow
where pain does not exist
and i forever wait for the day
i will escape

the way you looked at her,
the way you looked at me.

your thoughts for her
were as evident as the sea.

red, hot jealousy.

envy is green,
depression is gray,
sadness is blue but

red, hot jealousy.

the way you talked,
the way you smiled
i knew
that i knew-

red, hot jealousy.

it burns the world down
it consumes
it engulfs
unable to control,

the red, hot jealousy.

drives me to the other end,
makes me rage.
like a wildfire,

red, hot jealousy.

you better stay away from me.

my ship travels
around the world

exploring new places

my ship anchors
itself to places i like

i anchor my mind,
my soul,
my thoughts-
to the land i am devoted to

sometimes the land will stay faithful,
sometimes it won't;

sometimes the land sinks
loses its grip

sometimes i float away
by the force of the
currents

sometimes i drift
loosen myself a bit

because the land has lost itself.

i am a tree,
peaceful,
zen;

i grow in places
and spread my roots deep down

sometimes i loosen my roots
because the soil isn't fertile enough

sometimes the soil
loses its topsoil

leaving me unprotected

sometimes i am a moon
wishing to be alone

allowing myself to be enveloped by darkness

being absent from reality,
for once;

i take screenshots of what i feel.

when i first fell for you,
i took screenshots about love,
hope,
and happiness.

when i saw that your heart was somewhere else,
i took screenshots of
depression,
suicide,
and jealousy.

when i moved on,
i took screenshots of things i found funny.

now that the beasts are thriving once again,
i take screenshots.

of the emptiness.

A delicate soul;
A rambling mind-
Never stopping to rest,
As she ponders on

The grey sky
makes the clouds seem blue
They reflect the silver pool,
make it silver among the blue

Her thoughts rush in like a waterfall
Resilience at its best,
but now they pool
at my feet

into a silver pond
sitting
in the cold moonlight
chilled with the summer breeze

Birds come and go,
they sing a sweet melody
But they will always leave
amidst the sun

Now the thoughts are a silver pool
resting in the open;
A quiet retreat,
A wordless surrender.

A mindful resistance
against resilience

An acceptance of the thoughts,
A beautiful isolation

the old man creaked along the sidewalk,
his cane hobbling alongside his hobbling legs.

a little boy flew to him, and chirped:
my! how lovely this day is! only if my score was as lovely as today.

the old man turned slowly, eyeing him, and with his Toad of the voice,
he croaked:

oh, little boy, do not be fooled by the numbers on your paper!
for it isn't about the speed,
the perfection,
nor the quantity;
it's not about  how fast you can read a book,
or how many you have read.
if one does not understand and reflect on the story,
nothing has been gained.

the little boy tap-tap-tapped his impatient foot,
and blurted:
i know i'm not be the sharpest in the shed,
but i've never reflected on a story.

to define is to limit, the old man sang.
do not define yourself, dear one;
do not limit yourself.
how is the sky the limit when there are footprints on the moon?

the boy exclaimed:
oh! i would sure like to go to the moon!
how delightful!

the old man smiled a weathered smile,
as if it had been battered in a storm-
and he spoke gently.

i can sure see you on the moon, little boy.
do not limit yourself to the mere temporary goods in this parallel reality.
live each day without hesitation and regret,
for time is only the distance
between life and death.

make time the best you've ever had.

and now the boy,
with his bright beak-
he shone a brilliant smile.