I won't be that girl

The one who visits you when you want her to
Fantasies about you
Dreams about you
Wants you
Wants your attention, love
The one who lets you use her for your every desire
Strips her naked down to her soul
And then devours it
Or pretends you didn't realize you did
I won't be the girl you hurt
The one you say you want but are too busy for
The afterthought at one a.m. When you're lonely
I want to be her but I won't

You have black eyes
You have ugly features
An evil streak
That's oh so seductive

There's a scar on your soul
That you don't know about
It's as clear as day to anyone
Who passes by your way

Your mean, silly and stupid
What a combination
You don't understand anything from any perspective but your own
Which makes you stubborn

You have nothing going for you but your arrogance
What more can I say
You're beautifully ugly in the worst way

I miss him like

A lock misses its key
A key misses its chain
A chain misses its charm
A charm misses its good luck
Good luck misses its horseshoe
A horseshoe misses its hoof
A hoof misses pounding the ground
The ground misses rain
Rain misses falling
Falling misses its love
Love misses its heart
A heart misses its beat
A beat missing from a song
A song missing its audience
The audience missing its star
A star missing their freedom
Freedom missing me
Because you took yourself away

I ran across the street following you
you said it was safe
no danger
well you were wrong

This was four days ago
you bought ice cream
as a treat
well you were wrong

I wonder
how it's going
who you're sharing your cookies with
if they are good
or just good enough

But as I keep walking, a tree that grew legs
away from the ocean
glancing back
confidently

I know you're gone
something will remain,
in a face, a place, a name, an eye
and i'll remember always, what wasn't meant to be

Beauty is fleeting
Pictures are painted
Emotions tangled
Potential Unacknowledged
Regrets Rampant
Sorrow Ignored
But still, you needed me and I needed you

you robbed me
of something i didn't even have
and i let you
i believed your lie
lived your dream
it was too good to be true
a dollar and a dream is what we have
what we lived on
i love you
i can see you
you can't hide from me
i miss you
but i can't tell you
can't let you back in
because you're reckless
a bull in a china store
no notion of care
forward movement
no looking back
in the company of fake friends
artificial stimulation
living a lie
i'll still be here
when you come calling
disgusted and ashamed
worn and weary
with open arms
an arm length away from my heart
what's the point?
i love you and i care
I've been there
been in your position
and i'm not living up to my role
but i shouldn't
i'm not a man
i loved your chivalry
while it lasted
you know how to make a girl feel special
going the extra mile
and i let you run away with my heart
and now it's floating somewhere because you let it go
i want to find it
take it back
but then i can't give it back to you
so it will be over
hence, i'm not looking for it
drowning, hanging on
to the fact that you will want me back
but i know it will be too late
so let me go now and take back what's mine
what i didn't have to give you
but gave you anyway
and you let it go
it's mine
it's mine
you didn't deserve it
didn't want it
didn't care
so i take it back
tape it up
and carry on

Always never

Eyes wide
Heart narrow
Walls and mazes
Clearly I'm not honest or trusting
But that's not true.
I trust everyone but who I should trust the most
Myself.

Looking in your eyes
I see life
I see you
All you are and all you want to be
All your fears hopes and dreams
You have already told me more than you know
I can read you
Like a book
Down to your soul
We are divine
Encompassing all of the world
We posses it all
We are all that there is
All that's ever been known
All that's ever been meant to be
I will listen
I will care
I will hope and dream
Draw you out
Make you shine
Smile
Love

Under the bus
Into traffic
Out the window
Into the sky
Into the world
Without a care without a thought
Of how I felt
Of the effect
On a small child
Knowing nothing else
Exposed to nothing else
I get it
Times were tough
But I'm still reeling myself in
I was lost
Hidden on purpose
Living with nothing
In the negative
But living none the less
It took a toll
Suffering beyond my means
Bouncing back
Learning
Adjusting my perspective
Forgiving
Now sharing
Fighting battles worth fighting
Ignoring all else
Time has been wasted
Years lost
Always something gained still
Useful somehow
The pieces will fit I just want to know how now

Missing you
We made the decision to change
Work
Try
Renew
And start over
Hopeful
Excited
Scared
Waiting
Unsure
So new we took a downward turn
But who's to say what that means
We made the right choice
Or yet you made the choice
And I'm thankful
You did your part and I did mine
So far so good
I know we're still at the very beginning
If anywhere at all
You remind me of someone
From my past
Who I thought was lost from me forever
But somehow returned in a new package
New box
Shiny and new
I won't make the same mistake twice
I'll lay it all in the line
The best way I can
Truth

Life is a big mystery

Love is a mystery

A path to the future?

We never know

We live, always hanging

In the air

In our hearts

Wanting, knowing what we want

But it isn’t always that way

It’s sometimes how it is, how it has to be

To grow

To make mistakes

That can’t be taken back

That won’t be taken back

And we sit and we wonder

For the good, for the bad, for what we fear

But they say the only thing to fear is fear itself

And it seems this is true

But yet I feel I am holding back, being held back, by fear of losing you

I will try to be bold

Try to be brave

Not worry

Not ask why

I’ll love you right, from now until I die

A Day, A Month, A Year

Last night
You told me you were scared
About what the future may hold, its so far, yet so near

Now I’m scared too
That I might lose you?
That you’ll have to move…..

And I’ll be here, still
Without you
Missing you

But I told you not to worry
There’s no point to fear
We’ll all be ok, no matter what, my dear

I just hope you’re wrong
You won’t be leaving
And that you will always be near
Hold on, wait it out, we will have no fears

The Day

It was the day
That we said hello
I realized I never wanted to say goodbye

I looked into your eyes
That one time
And felt a connection inside

As I sit here
Writing this poem, about you
I miss you, with hope and love
That you feel the same way too


The Realization

We spent time
Got to know each other,
Feel in love
Then realized,

Maybe we took too little time
To get to know each other,
Learn about what’s important to each other

For the future


The Future

Now we’re stuck
One way or another,
With each other

At least for now
In this space and time
Waiting, hoping

Wondering, if the choices we made were right
If they will bring pain
If they will bring joy

One time of many
One life is plenty
Roses with thorns
Antelope with horns
You are beautiful
In ways that are hard to explain
You are the truth
You are proof
Of many things
Of nothing at all
I see you motionless
Freeze framed chiseled face strong body
A mind that can scar
I look you in the eye but can you see me?
Do you believe that I'm real?
I know you are
I want to possess you as unhealthy as that is
Beauty is fleeting but I want to catch it
Wrap it up in a blanket and hold it next to me
Carry it with me where ever I go
All the while not seeing my own beauty
I possess it already
But I want yours
In me on me with me
I want you to proclaim you want me as much as I want you
But I'm sure that wont happen
Sure if it did I wouldn't want it anymore
Would want to move on to the next pretty face
Possession
Recollection
Am I on the wrong track?
How can I be so vain?
How did this happen?
How did life happen?
We're in a maze
Left to figure it out
With the obvious in one hand
And imaginary what ifs on the other
Where do you lie?
Where do I lie?
Am I the one being fooled?
All dressed up with nothing to do
These days of my life pass one by one
I'm going nowhere
Getting nowhere
Finding nothing
But my own unknown eating away at me