Sunny days and dreamy nights
Take me away tonight,
From all the terror,
And tear filled nights,
So maybe, I'll get some
Sleep tonight.

I. Your touch is like bones breaking; unforgettable, and breathtaking.
   I know that normally people don't associate love with broken bones
  but even when you cause me pain, I am still so effortlessly in love.

II. On the day that you made me yours,
     you rekindled a fire in me that I thought
    had long since died.

III. And in those eyes that resemble speckled emeralds,
      I see a future brighter than I could have made for myself.
     The feeling is treacherous, to love someone more than yourself.

IV. The thought of you lingers in my bone marrow,
      and it doesn't leave, not even in sleep,  
      you live within my bloodstream.

V. You ignite a fire inside me,
     hotter than I knew was possible in relative existence,
    and every day I burn for you, slow and consistent.

VI. Sometimes I wish you would strip me down
      and love me like a limited resource,
      like I'm a priceless medal, or gem of iridescent hue.

VII. You're the type of guy that gets me to put my phone down
        and that's an accomplishment in itself.
        you're more interesting than the internet, and that's romanticism.

VIII. Your kiss is like electricity, but instead of electrocution,
         you send shivers down my spine,
        and put the sparkle in my eyes.

IX. They say that home is where the heart is,
      and before I met you, I'd never been home before,
      you are my home.

X. I've run out of words to tell you how much I love you
    so now my next mission is to transcribe a new language,
    to do just that.

No matter how happy my life may be,
These thoughts of malicious self-harm will always be inside me,
Rattling around in my brain,
Waiting to be acted on,
Waiting to be freed,
This isn't something that can be helped,
Without extensive counseling,
As heavy metal bangs around in my brain,
Everyday I'm a little less sane,
Someone save me,
From this unhealthy mental state,
Of blasphemy,
And scary sharp things,
Someone help me,
Regain a healthy mental state,
Please,
Before its too late.

I guess I could have put all this into a text message, but I wanted you to have something written by these weathered hands.
I swear if you make me smile one more time, my face will crack. My cheeks will split like chapped lips in winter air, and it will prove that feelings like this can hurt too, no matter how amazing they are.
You make me feel alive. It's almost as if you walked into my head, and told all the bad things they had to find another place to live. That my subconscious was no longer their place to crash. I hope that makes sense to you. If it doesn't, I apologize, as a writer I have an analogy for everything and sometimes I'm too cryptic for my own good.
The truth is you make me so nervous because every good thing I've ever experienced has ended in agony, and this is so good that I'm afraid in the end it might **** me. There's a gnawing in the pit of my stomach, telling me to run because it's never as good as it seems. But I ignore it, and stay, because I trust you.
I trust you so much it is scary.

Hazy thoughts and poor vision,
tiredness spending the night,
in the corners of my eyes.

The same thoughts are ever present,
and they're thoughts of regaining access,
to the bliss of being in your arms.

Laying in the grass,
you smelled of cologne and
were warm against the cold night air.
The sky was black, and laced with stars that shone like diamonds.
The music played, and you sung in a voice that made my head spin.
In a moment of perfection, I found myself wishing that the night would never end.

Oh, don't mind me,
I'm just connecting constellations,
tugging at your heartstrings,
whenever I can loosen the vines you've,
wrapped around them for protection,
they've long since been trimmed,
and now your organs are suffocating,
ever since you opened up to,
finally let someone in,
and my bony fingers can't seem to,
work fast enough to,
save you from yourself.

It came in the form of a memory,
Of all the sweet things you've ever said to me,
Keeping me deep within the dream I've been living,

And you know something babydoll?
(Yes, I've decided to call you babydoll, for it satisfies the southern in me)
You're the drug I could never stop taking,
The rule I could never stop breaking,
And the hunger I could never satisfy,
(For I never get enough, you see)

And something else, cutie pie,
That I could never stop telling you,
Is that without you, my heart would stop beating,
It would simply forget to function without your love guiding me,

And something else I can't help but mention,
That you my love, are the sun to my shine,
The words that I make rhyme,
And my only reason left to smile,

Yes you, my dearest darling,
My Prince Charming,
The one who swept me off my feet,
When I was sure I had fallen,
Unable to get up,

For you, my sweethearted lover,
The only one I'd trust talking to my mother,
Without subtle guidance,
You said you wanted a nickname,
So don't take just one,
Take a million, I've got an endless supply to give,
For that is how much you mean to me,

And maybe, just maybe, one day,
When we're old and grey,
Sitting on a park bench feeding birds,
Who carelessly fly away,
Maybe I'll hand you this poem,
And a list of nicknames,

The paper will be yellow and faded,
And crumbled every which way,
And that's how you'll know I've been adding on for decades,
And once in a while I'll ask for it back,
To add on the ones I've thought of as time passed,

And I'll tell you this now, my sweet,
That paper will be filled,
And pages apon pages will be added,
For there are not enough nicknames in the world,
To tell you what you mean to me,
For that, there aren't enough nicknames in the galaxy,

Just like there aren't enough stars in the universe,
To tell you how bright you make my life,
But if you look hard enough,
You may just see it in my eyes,
Past the constant worries of day to day life,

Freddie Mercury once wrote,
"Can anybody find me, somebody to love?"
Well I'll be the one to write,
Hey, I've found somebody, and boy, is he something,
No, scratch that, he's not just something,
He is my everything,
And without him,
I'd be nothing.

I remember,
Burying my face in your neck,
As your fingers traced paths down my sides,
And clutched me, in a way that was so wrong,
But oh so right,

I wanted so desperately to be wanted.
So I let you bite my neck,
And leave marks for the memory,
Because you knew I'd wanna remember.

And even after all the trouble it's caused,
I can't lie, I have to say,
More than anything,
I want that feeling again.

I want your teeth to leave impressions on my neck,
And your scent to linger on my clothes,
And the taste of your lips on mine
You are now a craving I won't give up.

To the girls who think they're nothing;
no matter what they say, you're worth something,
there are many people out there, who will miss you when you're gone,
this earth is where you belong,
do not convince yourself otherwise,
no matter how bad it seems, its always possible to pull through,
so do not sulk, with a razorblade to your ever so pale wrist,
do not make things worse, by hurting yourself,
this isnt what you really need,

To the girls who put these kind of people down;
Grow the **** up,
respect the people around you, if you have any class,
to be honest, I hope you fall on you're fat ***,
on the way up to success,
no need to be so rude though,
there is one thing I do know,
no matter what you tell them, they'll always be worth more than every single ******* one of you put together,
it doesnt matter, you chose the wrong path, always being the bad girl,
step into the victims shoes,
feel the hurt they felt,
when you put them down,

Here's to the girls who feel like nothing;
Buck up,
swallow you're pride,
accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you can,
theres no shame in putting on a fake smile, and not letting others suffer,
stay away from drugs, they'll only give you more time to think,
when a boy wants to have *** in an alley, make sure you don't lay in glass,
and make sure the ******* doesnt leave you, with a kid in your arms,
no matter what you may believe, you're worth something,
no matter what any one says, I'm always gonna love you,
its not what they say thats important, its important we all know its a lie,
so be strong, and tell everyone you've never felt better,
but if someone asks you whats wrong, don't be afraid to pour your fragile heart out,
to the ones who love you, because they're there to listen, and they want you to feel better,

So here's to the girls,*
who suffer, but with a brave face,

Here's to the girls,
Like **me.

I remember being just a little girl,
and dreaming of rainbows and diamond rings,
and all sorts of pretty things,
living in a world where there was no one who wasn't happy,

Geez, I was way off,

Now I see,
that the world isn't what it seems to be,
and those who are happy, are lucky,
lucky that the world was kind to them,
kind enough to let them live,
in a world that hasn't tried to **** them,
at least once or twice,

My childhood recollection of dreaming of
diamond rings and other pretty things,
seems to be only a figment of the human imagination nowadays,
now its all filth, greed, and gore,
in a world where no one cares about anyone but themselves,
but,  I'm beginning to realize, thats what you have to do to survive,
because with everyone caring for themselves,
theres no one to care for others,
meaning they have to do it themselves to,
not bothering to look out for anyone else along the way,

Childhood wasn't easy for me,
I'll admit that easily,
but I had dreams,

Dreams that were only crushed with time, and reality,
making me realize that the human imagination thinks up crazy things,
including, but not limited to,
a world where everyone is basking in pure happiness and delight,
without even a single drop, of sadness, or strife,
because that, my friends, that is a true dream world,
one where everything is perfect,

But that doesn't exist here,
perfection is a true dream,
I call it a dream,
because its definitely not reality.

Pssh, *****, your secrets out,
Nothing left to do but sit and pout,
All you make me wanna do is ******* shout,

Haha *****, you're no longer safe,
So here I sit, watching you pace, wondering what you'll do with your day,
When you're not trying to ruin peoples lives, what will you do with your time?

Thats what I've been wondering about, but that okay, because your secrets out,
And now you'll be shunned by everyone, just like you tried to force on me,
But we knew this would work out for me,
***** this is reality, you can't just go about doing as you please, trying to make a mess out of me,

To be honest, you almost had me, you almost killed me completely,
But I had people on my side, someone found out you're a lying *****,
And now I can be happy with the real friends I have, unlike you, you little ****,
So bye bye *****, have fun making up for all the **** you've done.

Today, you told me,
That I'm just like my mother.
Well maybe I am,

One difference though,
I'm not her.

So quit telling me I'm just like my creator,
Because that's all she did,
She didn't raise me,
That was all your doing,
So if you don't like how I turned out,
Go figure out what you did wrong.

For all of the truly happy people,
Take a short walk in my shoes,
To hear some of the thoughts,
That run through my mind,
Would break you down,
Instantly,
You for once in your life,
Would experience,
True hurt,
Then maybe you'll understand,
You just might start to understand,
Why I wear these scars,
Maybe you'll finally understand,
Why I feel like nothing,
These scars,
You say I'm crying for attention,
Well *****,
Then why do I try so **** hard,
To hide these ******* scars
These scars,
These are a sign I fight,
Myself and everyone else,
Scars are emotional,
And scars are physical,
But most of all,
These scars are an adornment,
For life.

Battles constantly arise
And while words flew like knives
I never thought you would hurt a fly
Never thought you were that far gone
But today
Today is the day you proved me wrong
You pushed me
So I pushed back
Your hand went to my head
And you never looked back
To see the fear in my eyes
Your swear I'm not your blood
Okay
Why would I give a ****
I don't want you to be a part of my life
Your hateful
Your nothing but ****
I wish
I really wish
I would have beaten you
So you could feel as hated as I did
You could feel the pain
I always had to hide
Your hand went to my hair
And from there I knew
It wasnt going to end alright
You pulled hard
I wanted to hit
I wanted to scream
It would have been self defense
But no one would believe me
Who would suspect you to touch me
I don't even believe it

This situation reminds of two things,
The first thing being, black lilies.
Sad like a funeral.
Making tears run like waterfalls.
And memories hit me like a tidal wave.

The second being,
Diamonds.

For that is what you were to me,
You lit up my whole life.
Made me forget about day to day life.
And the worries that came with it.
But, we grew apart.

Or, I did.
I don't really know.

Either way, I want you to know,
That you were the diamonds in my life.
Diamonds, next to a bunch of fools gold.
But no matter what we used to be,
I think it's better, we stay apart.

Let the rain dance,
as leaves fall like scattered emotion,
and send out cries,
cries for someone to create a potion,
to stop this bitter notion from carrying on unnoticed,

Let the rain dance,
across the tounges of the artistic hippies,
looking for a new gentle high,
or so called "stress relief",
to stop the pain from becoming more than a mental bother,

Let the rain dance,
as a form of tranquility,
for those who may need it,
let it dance,
in a pitter patter of self confidence,
laced with hope,

Let it dance,
for who ever may need the happiness they just can't
seem to find in themselves

Collect your thoughts in the dark,
for it is said the imagery is clearer with the lights off,
Write out your thoughts at midnight,
for it is said that you are blind in the daylight,

Sometimes it is best not to speak,
for the silence tells all,
sometimes its best not to listen,
because you already know whats right,
sit in silence for a moment,
hear the ****** screams of truth in the night,

Self discipline is key,
for you must know how to act on your own,
to do without being told,

Sometimes sleep is the last thing you need,
because you'd rather stay up and think till sunrise,
think about all the reasons you have not to cry,
as you blink back tears,
remember all you have to be strong for,

Just remember, it is never cowardly to want to back down,
because only you know how much you can take,
for not everyone can bend before they break,

Whenever you want to give up,
because you simply feel you cannot go on,
let the stars be your guide,
they'll lead you onto the path you must follow,
and always remember as long as you focus on the moonlight,
There will always be a better tomorrow

Perfect dreams,
Lovely perspective,
Happy in reality,
This is the girl I used to be,

Beautiful,
Wanted,
Loved,
This is the girl I want to be,

Scars,
Bad dreams,
Hell for a home,
Risk taking reality,
This is the girl who stands before you,
Accept her as she is,
Or watch her walk away.

You convinced me,
I'm not worth it.
I've always been,
very easily broken,
and now I'm choking
on all the reasons,
he's given me,
to stay alive.

I've never before thought,
of pushing up daisies,
as a profession,
but sometimes I think,
I'd be **** good at it.
I'm choking on all the words,
he's ever said to me,
because their sweet content,
is toxic,
and I'm simply his lab rat,
testing theories on the,
lowest depths of insanity.

The roots of these daisies,
are turning against me.
Wrapping themselves around,
my spinal cord,
tapping into my vertebrae,
telling me to,
stand up straight,
and fake it through the day,
with a smile painted,
on a plaster made face.

Watch as the waves break on the shore,
Letting water drift back out to sea,
And only foam to remain on your seaside prison,
The only thing to keep you company,

The sun fades red,
And then is no longer present,
Replaced by your long time friend,
The moon, that shines bright,
To remind you of the darkness,
And the stars that speak to you,
To remind you of the ever present silence,

You are alone where you stand,
And the sound of the waves crashing in the distance threatens to swallow you whole,
Then your mind goes else where,
And you're not completely sure how you got there,

All noise is gone,
And as the silence settles,
You realize this is worse that before,
The sound of your heart fills your ears,
And you hear your feet move as you pace the floor,
But all feeling is gone,
You are numb, but very aware,

Everything is louder, to the point where it's deafening,
And the taste of salt is thick in the air,
The world is spinning,
Mind racing,
Heart beating out of control,
Goodbye seaside prison,
I've finally lost you,
Farewell my lovely,
I'm sure I won't miss you..

(And the world fades black...)

Here I lay,
Thinking of yesterday,
Thinking of what you lost,
Thinking of what I gained,
Thinking of how you didn't just walk away,
When I told you to go,
Thinking of how I wore my heart on my sleeve,
Just so you could leave,
Leave and let me bleed.

Somebody ask me whats wrong,
so I can pour out this purple heart,
that has been ever so accustumed to swell up,

Why shouldn't it? I've worn it on my sleeve for too long,

For it is ****** and bruised and has been through too much,
and its worn and torn, and has made me tough,
love has tangled it self up in this mess of my swelling purple heart,
and I couldn't ask for anything more,
for this love is whats keeping me sane at any given moment,
and this love, its so strong I just can't let it go,

This exspression of overflowing emotion has become too much,
people around me don't think I'm so tough,
for they see my purple heart fading, my pulse going out,
its finally all gotten to be too much.

I had a dream that you could fly,
with clipped wings,

Despite your disadvantage,
you soared effortlessly,

And at heights,
not even the bravest could fathom,

And this my dear,
is why I truly believe,

That you are an angel,
dressed in the devils clothing.

A flower does not simply die.
it is killed, by the very same thing that created it.
Soil. Though now, much less nutrient.

Its honestly quite ironic,
how the things that create you,
are also capable of destroying you,
like nothing.

I mention irony,
in terms of my mother,
whom is now using her bony fingers,
as knitting needles,
to bind my eyelashes together,
as if to blind me from the obvious.

She wasn't meant to be a mother.

No, definitely not a mother.
maybe a toddler,
whom spends her days nursing a bottle,
and then occasionally falling,
flat on her face,
whether its up the street,
or down the stairs,
her face has to leave blood stains somewhere.

She was meant to be alone.

Alone, so she couldn't,
**** the life out of anything that came near,
like she decided she would do to any ***** bottle,
that crossed her path,
dumping me on a road to destruction as she went,
and never came back to save me from myself.

Honestly, I don't know what she could've been.

I just know she gave up everything,
for a bottle and a good time.
shes the flower that sprouted early,
and died in the cold.

Being home is like
being back under the bell jar
(To quote the great Sylvia Plath)
Back under the bell jar, where the air
is stale and ***** and before long
you begin to suffocate.
You feel trapped as would a firefly,
on one of those warm summer nights
where you run around in the grass
feeling the moisture on your bare feet
as you catch as many of the twinkling lights
as you can before they hide for the night.
Trapped, slowly suffocating because in your nightly
adventure, you are careless and free, and this
causes you to forget to put holes in the jar
where you imprison these wonders for the night.
But only for the night, for your carelessness has caused their demise
while you sleep beside these living night lights,
they begin to die, their lights not shining so bright
anymore, yes they die.
Their death symbolizes your depression as the bell jar
closes you in and you become claustrophobic
gasping for the air you know waits just outside your prison
but it's not really there for you will never escape
this horrible place they've put you in
Yes I've twisted catching fireflies into a murderous action
but believe me,

It always was

You ask me whats wrong,
well how the **** should I know?
maybe, just maybe,
its the overflowing abyss of emotion that I can never show,

You've taken all of my outlets,
you even walk me to the busstop,
like I'm four,
but hey, how would you know?
I'm talking about all the emotions I don't show,
because I don't want you to know,
because you'll think I'm screaming for attention,
no, thats the last thing I want,

No more love, no more affection,
because you give me too much,
only to rob me of what I've got left
when you scream at me until I cry,
for one little mistake,

I tell you I'm sorry,
but what difference does it make,
none,
because the cycle goes on,
and I don't know how much more I can take,
how many more times can you stab me in the heart,
before it finally breaks?
how many more times can you open my wounds,
with your words as the blade?

The world turns,'
we breathe, whilst I sit
and wait for you to see right through me.
my wrists are bare.
you're kissing the marks I made
with the blade I held
in the blame I felt,
and the sadness that overtook me like a tidalwave.

Wasted in my own worthlessness,
I didn't think. Simply did.
Shook as my tears fell,
vision blurred,
Lines appeared and I wish they'd go away,
faster.

They're not a simple of beauty.
they do not show how strong I am,
but instead they show my weakness,
and my impending doom.
I feel as if I've failed you,
this is a mixed drink,
of regret and pain.

I hate them.

I hate them.

With every fiber, in my broken down being.

I never knew how to
write poetry correctly.
It's not like it comes with an
instruction manual
that reads in italicized letters

"dig so deep into your head that if a brain aneurism were to spontaneously combust, you'd be the first to know about it"

No one told me that my emotions
would corkscrew like falling
meteorites every time I picked
up a pen.

No one told me that the thoughts
would sometimes dry up
and leave me searching like
a dog who buried a bone and
then developed a rare type
of amnesia.

No one told me that sometimes
it would be hard to get the words
onto the page without tears
falling like a liquid avalanche.

There was no instruction manual
or italicized letters. There was only me,
and a lot of lessons to learn.

Oh mother dear, where do I begin?

I do love you, mommy,
I love you like a venomus snake,
in which I run from,
hoping to find shelter in my own mind,
I run and I run and I run,
only to find myself back again,
because as much as I want to distance myself,
from the mistakes you've made,
I find myself drawn to the idea of change,
but who am I kidding?

In the back of my mind,
I know you'll never change,
I know you'll only get stuck deeper in your current ways,
the way you need the ***** and the ****,
just to cope with the mistakes you've made,
because you've never forgiven yourself, for everything you failed to change,
and you'll never realize,
that drinking yourself into a coma, won't change a ******* thing,
but mommy, I love you, as you love me,
in the only way we will ever know,

We live in a small town,
you live upstairs, and I live below,
where I listen to you stomp about your little home,
you were never light on your feet,
and I can hear almost every move you make,
which is kind of comforting,
for if I can hear you, I know,
you have not yet went on your daily trip,
to that little store you head to every morning, around the same gravely time,
9 oclock the liquor store opens, and down the block you go, for your first dose of poison,
its not very comforting to know,
your slowing killing yourself with deadly liquids,

You my dear, are the reason I hate alcohol,
the reason I swore I'd never become you,
it all leads back to you,
the reason I can't sleep sometimes,
just thinking about the one I call mom,
and the way she started life mistakes early,
thinking about the way you started drinking at just barely fourteen,
maybe it wasnt your fault,
maybe you were lead to the bottle,
by some events around you,
can we possibly blame your mother,
was she cruel, did she not love you?
I will never ask you these things,
but may I say, curiouser and curiouser, I do get as time goes on,
who made you like this? or was it all on your own?

I can't help but believe you'll never get better,
you'll always be a mom by day and a drinker by night,
and sometimes, a drinker full time,
stomping about with your ever so heavy steps,
if i'd never met you, I'd swear you were a hundred pounds heavier,
just from the way you walked,
and sometimes fell, tumbling to the ground,
breaking skin into cuts i'm curious about the day after,
and you just say you fell,
you don't tell the truth,
I'd really rather you just say, okay, fine, it happened when I was *******,
and still drinking,
because as the saying goes,
one is one too many,
one more, is never enough,
which is why you drink until you can keep your eyes open, no more,
and then is the time you finally hit the floor,
to wake up confused the next morning,
only to start all over again,
this be the cycle of the one I call mommy,
mother dearest, I love you,
in the best of ways,
I love you so, that I can only be honest when I say,
you have a problem and you need to change,
but just the same,
I love you, as you love me,
in the only way, we will ever know