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You answered just a little too fast.
It surprised me.
I haven't seen you in about a year,
And I am realizing I've missed you.
It surprised me.
The last time I saw you,
And the time before that,
You were intoxicated.
It surprised me.
I haven't seen you in about a year,
And I am realizing what you are to me.
It surprised me.
You are a dress without hems or seams.
I hardly know you but you are beautiful.
You are the bullet in the rotating cylinder of the gun to my head.
You dig through my skull and explode my amygdala.
And force me to love you.
You are the jam in the barrel as I pull the trigger.
I fell to the ground in realization:
You both killed me and saved me.
It surprised me.
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Tumblr: whateverdoubleloserr.tumblr.com
 Mar 2014 Emily Roper
Samantha
All the pretty girls wear Doc Martens
And chew bubble gum.
All the pretty girls bite their bottom lips,
Kiss boys with blood
Rolling down their chins.
All the pretty girls wraps themselves up
In apologies meant for their mothers.
Pretty girls are heard, not seen.
Pretty girls forget their favorite poems
As they snort lines of *******
In their boyfriends bathroom.
Pretty girls handcuff themselves
To headboards of beds
In a desperate attempt to stop
Biting their nails.
Pretty girls complain about wolves
Howling in their heads.
Pretty girls want to be like
Other pretty girls.
 Mar 2014 Emily Roper
David Bojay
im afraid the sun doesnt wait for me in the morning
im afraid people will love me for the wrong reasons
im scared of people understanding art one day
im scared people will look at me and think of me as an ideal teen dreamer
im afraid the stars are just reflections of the people who are sad
im afraid my soul is decaying as i think of ways to save myself
im afraid to let go of my mothers hand during prayer
im afraid of speaking up to my preacher about the doubts ive written about the bible
im afraid people will find out what type of photgraphy i like
im afraid people will make fun of the music i listen to before i sleep
im afraid the government keeps track of my internet history
im afraid of falling in love with the devil
im afraid of wonders i could have never thought of
im afraid im just another one Gods children
im afraid im just another one of those puppets Lucifer controls
im afraid of the eyes i look into when i look at the mirror
im afraid of a lot of things
im afraid of my mom not coming home one day
im afraid churches are illusions of a peaceful place
im afraid the only peaceful place is your heart
im afraid the only safe place is between your arms
im afraid i only feel peace when im kissing you
im afraid to live
im afraid to die
im afraid of myself
yesterday night
 Mar 2014 Emily Roper
Samantha
YOUR VOICE WAS A THUNDERCLAP
I COWERED UNDER THE BED
MY SKELETON TURNED TO FIREWOOD
AS YOU DOUSED THE HOUSE IN GASOLINE

MY PHONE VIBRATES IN MY BELLY
IVE SWALLOWED YOUR VOICE MAILS
ITS EASIER TO HIT IGNORE
THAN IT IS TO HEAR YOUR VOICE

CANDID PHOTOS OF YOU
ARE TACKED TO MY WALLS
I TRIED TO LET THIS OBSESSION DIE

I PUSH MY NAILS INTO MY PALMS
MY HANDS ARE VOODOO DOLLS

IT FEELS AS IF MY THOUGHTS
ARE STUCK IN CAPS LOCK
I NEVER WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN
you are inches
measured by miles away
bulldozing oriental food
you don't intend on eating
around your plate
and i am imagining
the translation of asking
for a broom in a foreign language
for when you shatter over small talk
or the first sentence to start with "so"
breaks you into shaking
that i can feel from across the table
and i am thinking now
about tectonics and how you must be daydreaming of being submerged in a book
back home or gripping tightly
to bedsheets begging for familiar warmth
i can tell by the way you are looking at me
that you are feigning our salutation embrace
seconds drowned in ankle deep water and i wonder if you see my hands
as jackhammers and if the reason
why you hug so hard
but only for a moment
is to be as sharp as possible
so that i do not smell your perfume
or notice that you aren't wearing any and why
there are few suprises
in the safe you claim is a mouth
where shades of plush pink
hide a sickly pallor
and i continue to look over
brick & mortar borders
and think how maybe
she is thinking of kissing
but certainly not me
not these apologies nailed to my face
i give myself a moment
of benefitted doubt that you sometimes
picture your frame under mine
and if your clavicles would crack
if i were to touch them
i am sorry that i am a victim of imagination
but i swear i chalk it up
as the forgotten feeling
for when you look up
and the person you are looking
at is gazing directly at you
you have painted yourself
as a mosaic in my mind
as a mess of dust & incoherent words
that all sound like please in my ears
but that doesn't explain why
my hands are the ones that are shaking
when i imagine you
imagining me
in the spaces of yourself
where you've forgotten
you could put someone
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