bases on the character Blanche DuBois from Streetcar Named Desire a play by Tennassee Williams*

Crushed white satin
Hot baths* on warm days
Polka music makes me sway
That young man I wish had stayed

Light dances around me
Never daring a touch
Here in the lantern light
All a lady has is her looks

Stranger Stranger everywhere
Darkness always a little too near
Shep oh Shep where are you dear?
"I don't know you" please get off

For star and the common pig
I leave no words of fancy
For now I sit with pen an paper
In the light of a padded room

and the piano was still slow and *blue

Darkness and silence become my prison
As I wait for no one to save me
The hard floor, my new home
And the hot air my coffin
Here I am stuck in motion
The day just may have gotten worse
Hours fly by like centuries
Stuck here, within the mind
I was told wasn’t right
Here I am stuck with only myself
No war, no judgment, no more pain
Just me
In my dark and silent elevator
My no man’s land of time

Smile like everyone is watching
When they turn your music down low
Making you feel alone in a crowded room
Trapped, in wide open spaces
Daring you to be yourself
To sway to your own beat
Show them, by smiling bigger then ever
Whether they are watching or not

Ever seen those high school girlfriends
Playing with their hair
Smacking their lips at their boys
Calling them near
They smile a devilish smile
As the boys fall in line
One after another,
Make them all mine
Short skirts
Tight shirts
Skinny jeans
Cleavage please
We watch you squirm
Under our gaze
Wiggle like worms
Forgotten as we play
High school girlfriends
Hold the power
Yet we melt
With the stupid flower

You expect me to
Sit here and take it
I sat there for years
Waiting for you
To grow up in some way
To be the man I needed you to be
You yell and scream
At the smallest infractions
You steal away my hope for you
Locking it in a box with your malice
Your love for me
Is gagged by the hate I feel
I know it’s there
Somewhere
But not here
Not now
So yell and scream
I just won’t listen
Anymore

I had that dream again
where I die in the tunnel
I am driving even though I don’t drive,
the car varies,
the bigger the fight
the larger the car:
My Mom, my best friend,
my Dad
the country side is blank
like a postcard I bought in Chicago when I was 5
in the tunnel I’m all alone,
like those nights my Mom had to work late
those nights when I feared she wouldn’t be back
I start to panic, and my palms start to sweat
I get so close to the end,
then a loud CRACK,
releases the water from its cage
I run and try to escape
with every step I am pushed back 5
I start to swim, and I still get nowhere
I beg, in my head, for someone to help me
yet no one is there
the water rises to the top
I take my last gasp of air
I plunge into the dark limitless water
close my eyes and pray
even thought I haven't prayed for years
I feel guilty, I abandoned my faith
now I will die and I am a sinner
I ask for life, but beg for forgiveness
then I see Him
the dark man looking at me
I’m not scared just curious
we lock eyes
He smiles
I feel safe
He is dressed in cultured dress
and His hair is cut short
His face like a road map,
aged like wine
His eyes tell you more
then a greek storyteller
no judgement
no fear just love
in His great big brown eyes
the grandpa I never knew
smiled at me
I felt safe an opened my mouth
water rushed desperate to be a part of me
I wake up
my lungs ache
my arms and legs are sore
and I can’t take my eyes off my ceiling
looking for cracks and drops of water

Hiding behind fake smiles
Watching for signs of life
Deep down where hate lives, the pain grows
Love’s shattered heart, sews itself back together
Screaming through dull green eyes
Gripped red hair, as panic runs wild
Wondering what others must think
All with a pretty bow of insecurity and desperation
Trying hard to impress…Everyone
A pen in one hand
A knife in the other
Writing about pain, that never goes away
All behind that familiar smile
Everyone loves
But they can’t know the real me.

Sit back and Watch
The magic of Deaths Dance
The ladies skirts
Sway while as they walk
All the men stare as
They draw closer
Soon they clash in an
Airborne romance
Twirling around
Way up high
The night sky
Welcoming them back
Swinging and Bowing
Their shoes tell their stories
Till light breaks
The dance is over
They bid each other
Sweet goodbye
Tomorrow they will be back
To dance and play forever more

little tiny heart compression
a Dorian Grey of my expectations
decay and grime has covered my trust
hoping for a little boy to grow up

Your heart races
As he holds your hand
You watch the ground
Waiting for something to Spark
That spark you are desperate to ignite
Small glanced up at him
His lips curl into a
Soothing smile
I mimic him and look up
I feel him squeeze my hand
I look at him
Into his eyes
Into his intentions
Soon his mouth
Had found mine
My mind explodes into
A joyous dance
He kissed me
For the first time
My body sings his praise
As everything heightens
Because of his kiss

Rising from the ashes
Born anew for the world to see
Flying high above the sky
Reaching true potential
Being better than the rest
Better, being put to the test
No more mistaken steps
Up and away time will fly
When now turns into then
I will disappear for good
In a puff of smoke
The end

She said this, He said that
Unknown in the known
If these walls could talk
Your ears would be on fire

The things people say
Sharper then a knife
Faster than bullet
Straight in the heart

How did they know?
Truth lies with deceit
Friends disguised as enemies
All the blame can’t just be on me

Beat down your door
As I scream your name
You left me alone
You left me with my shame
How could you expect
This would be okay
Change my life
Then leave it in shambles
Tear my heart out
And smash it to pieces
Stomp on my insecurities
Keeping me in painful silence
My mouth sewn shut
Keeping our old love secret
I sit here and see you laugh
At the women you left
A sobbing child
I stumble over
Every step forward
While you sit an
Blow away life’s problems
I am stuck in the muck
While you watch me
Sink farther
Into nothingness

Dark Posters of Skeleton Brides
Video Game pings, and Overflowing Drinks
As Unusual People lay on Hand Me Down Couches
with Tobacco strewn all over my Mom's Old Coffee Table

Barely Voices , No Conversation. Just
BOOM, BOOM BOOM! before I sing aloud
Screams of Joy, "Traplawd Rules"
Kisses on my Nose, Giggling a Little too Loud

Laughter Proceeds Coughing, Funny girly high kicks
"*****, Get Drunk" They tell me, Ah the friends I have
Ragged Carpets over Soft Broken Love Seats
Rough Tobacco stuffed Into Cigarette Tubes

as He Softly Kisses my Arm
**** stubble, tattooed skin
***** Stings, Tabacco burns
Leaving even Baked Goods with a Smokey Flavor

Watching from my bedroom window
As he does his chores down below

A teenage girl’s endless joy
Not to mention he’s our pizza boy

Rippling muscles, tight tan skin
The perfect prize I’m desperate to win

Deep **** voice, that shaggy brown hair
His stupid girlfriend who I know doesn’t care

With a bright smile, I want more
From my perfect boy next door

As the pages turn
Words breathe new life
In the confines of my mind
Pretty ladies dance and
Hero’s battle fearsome beasts
I run among them
Losing myself in their wonder
I prance like the Nymphs
Dance with Mr. Darcy and
Fly the skies with the Raven
I party with Dorian Gray
Until,  
I am called back to my room
With the plain cream walls
With my real world problems
And there they are
With all my books
Sitting in a pretty
Row
Like toys ready for Christmas
Their pages loose
From my nimble fingers
Their covers ripped from love
Their stories beating hearts
Bleed as their
all silently waiting
For me to come and
Greet them again.

Once when I was brave
I climbed a mountain high  
Dancing on the peaks
Watching the birds fly by

Up here on my mountain top
I have no reason to impress
Or any need to say goodbye
My old life wasting away

Those challenges that shaped me
Long forgotten down below
As I grip tight the rusting key
To the heart, bravery broke

I tried to move away, from the thoughts
We once shared, flying away from
The way you made me feel

There you are hidden in plain sight
Taunting me with the new life
It was too easy for you to find

Are you happy with that girl?
The one I secretly hated
Our love shattered

Tear soaked goodbyes
Life spins in another direction
Without your heart to stabilize  me

Laughing with you loving only you
How could you forget?
All our good times

What if we had more then forever
Our youth free from tether
Letting passion and lust take the lead
What my heart truly  needs.

A body like yours deserves admiration
So why not give in to temptation,
Why not lose ourselves in one another
So how about being my part time lover.

We could satisfy without the hassle,
Every need fulfilled, so much to unravel
No painful fall, no falling in love at all,
Just a straight forward constant *******.

So why not have fun while were young,
And let me show you how I use my tongue
Why not, move a little bit closer,
Why not give me full disclosure.

Fumbling fingers over premature *******
The hardships of new men
Buttons and clasps, too many to handle
All but means to an end

She fakes smile as, he peels off her shirt
He feels the jump from down below
As she pushes down her skirt
So he rises to the occasion

Her cheeks redden as the curtain falls
Laying back, sweet kisses rain down
A moment so pure when nature calls
Cries of pain or pleasure?

Moment frozen in eternal time
His eyes on hers. Reassuring her
That their love is not a crime
She feigns a smile as he holds her close

The end is near, for him at least
She bites her lip as he confides n her
His face a hilarious picture of a beast
Falling out of her, they dress quietly

The love in hiding, lust under the bed
She lays there a second longer
He smacks the sheets playfully, cheeks turning red
Caught in a memory of when she felt lust for the first time

Strained touch, No hands
Something only a woman understands
Money on the table, Water by the bed
The tears she pretends she never shed

Life lived in others, isn't a life at all
Faking away from their love's fall
Pimps. ****** better known as friends
Working with only twists and bends

Faded bruises, broken bones
Hush, quiet no one knows
Mommy, Daddy think's shes dead
Those tears we know she shed

Doesn't matter what I do
Never good enough for you
No matter how hard I try
I love you
Doesn't sound as true
Look at me
I owe my life only to you
I wrote this for you
Remember me
Im still your little girl
Look at me
I am just like you
Trembling over egg shells
Begging to be seen

as the darkness of the
dreadful nights storm
fades into early morning
the City lays before me in ruins
trees lay sullen and forlorn
like fallen soldiers,
never to see their families again
glass from feeble house's
scatter the ground like dangerous seeds
catching in the bottom of my feet
small whips of winds push back
my soft red hair, as I stand and stare
as the city rebuilds
from the darkness back into the light

You reach out
Sticking your claws in
That rips me apart
Tear me to shreds
I worry about you
Which you thrive on
I care about you
Which you need to survive
The attention
You consume
Overload on high
The stress overflows
As you talk to me
About your problems
In your near perfect life
You talk and talk
At some point I stopped
Listening
You expect me to stay here
To take this ****
To think it’s okay
It’s not and
I am done

Warning signs
Etched deep in my skin
Unwanted
Burning me inside out
That need to know
What I really am
Estranged
Hiding behind long sleeves
Solid blue jeans
All alone
Any knife or shard will do
A pioneer in bloodshed  
Painfully Permanent
Greed
How much more
can my canvas take?
Failure
And across my wrist
A final and fatal
*Goodbye

Watch those people you don’t understand
Never be evil and make accusations
Because that person
The one you put under the microscope
They may be just like you
Scared, alone, nervous
Let them be Watch them
Befriend them and maybe
One day you will find that thing
That thing they were meant to do
Watch make sure you know them
Because you
Can’t judge a book by looking at the cover
Because the cover just shows you
Their defenses
The words could move you
The words can change you
Just open the cover
And read for a while

laying here, in my field of shattered dreams
trees fallen all around me
power lines spark their upset
the wind and rain smells like change
the feild has changed, over there its new
over here its old, useless
but at least here nothing else matters
no more drama, or suicide attempts
just me and my broken heart
survival here means everything
tears and rain mix in my hair
laying in the after math of my old life

Deep down where my hate grows
Till anger breaks it's chains
Near to those few memories
Of you fading away
Living in the clouds above
Never looking down
Jumping into anything
Wishing you would come with
Hell follows you back
To those scars you left on my heart
Pushing me over the edge
Free falling back to earth
Waiting for something
Anything to happen
Trying desperately  to
Feel you again
Leaving me behind
I went Looking for someone to care
Damaged I sit patiently
Accepting the stares
Loves bruises threaten to show
As I learn to care for them
Those people I used to know
My means to an end

Watch me walk by
You talk about me
To your eager friends
As you think about
My hips, my thighs
My hair, my eyes
Staring into your soul
I watch from behind
My expensive sunglasses
I watch as you squirm
Those jitters I gave you
I make you feel
Don’t second guess me
I am a hell of a lot better
Then you, but don’t worry
I won’t get carried away
I know what I am doing
I will be happy
I will find love
You don’t even know me
Look how you drool
As I walk away from you

The ink settling in place
Forever it sits and sings
The tale of me,
The sweet melody of
Twists and Patterns
To a point when
Life is mixed with a
Bit of our fantasy
When real life becomes
With my imagination
All dancing around
On the skin
That sings my
bittersweet story

Warning* *This is a really messed up poem, If you would like an explanation please message me

Hush hush
Don’t say a word
Mommy met a man
She said daddy can’t know

That man holds her
Whispering “I Love You”
Which Mommy says too
But… daddy doesn’t know

As Daddy snores
I see Mommy slip out
I lay in the back
Seeing the man Daddy doesn’t know

But Daddy wakes up
Tries to track them down
Every motel
Nowhere to be found

But, I am here first
I just wanted to help
So I pulled the trigger
And all the lights went out

Mommy, splattered in red
Daddy now will never know
Cause I took Daddy’s gun
Mommy say goodnight

his blood runs cold
over my rough hands
the knife falls to the ground
what have I done
why do I feel so amazing
standing here looking at him
he is beautiful , a latino beauty
his chest hard and strong
one clean line down the middle
exposing his organs drenched
in the most glorious crimson
his blood, delicious and warm
down my throat
what have I done
his lower half sits parallel to him
his knee caps missng
femeral artery in shreds
his olive skin going pale
but that face, stained my memory
his thick lustful lips trapped in a scream
I walk away, into new life
all thanks to my latino beauty

You fake death, while we
Lay bleeding, you think you’re cool
While you’re not breathing

You get away with ******, while
We take blow after blow, standing together
On the corner listening to you groan

Take your hand and grab a knife
Pounce around all through the night
Yell and scream, try and make us believe you

Open up and take a handful
Lay there silently heaving
Fingers down your throat

Again you scream and yell
But now no one hears you
Now it’s real and no one believes you

You die, while we watch
Seething, you thought you were cool
While you were still breathing

Overflowing coffee cups
Ancient cigarette butts
Bittersweet romances
Trying to stop myself from quitting
Forever doing the devil's bidding

Feeling overwhelm me
sweet embers burn me inside
smoking till the very end
circle of chill friends
leaning to my left
life continues on in my head
laughing in slow motion
music, soundtrack to my life
bobbing to familiar beats
remaining chill for a while longer
not walking but floating
over the ground, shiver in the cold
impulsive feelings move to actions
keeping those moments on new levels
not caring what anyone thinks
when you can truely be you
those times you just need a good
feeling.....

Bare your teeth
Keep feeling hidden
Bury them beneath
Away from prying eyes
Plead to be free
From the harmful cries

a moonlite summers eve
slow dancing beneath the trees
fire flies sparkle like stars in the night sky
dancing to our selective style

the dark shadows playing a secret game
as eternity turns into a single moment
as rescue floats blissfully out of view
trapping me in here
where there is no sign of you

caught up in a web of lies
getting really hard to disguise
the way you make me feel
suddenly hopping this is real

breathing in and out
looking foward, ready to shout
the day might have started
but my brain just won't function
it's funny how they demand my attention
yelling out my name
won't win you this game
keep on playing it
while I lay down and sleep a bit
the weekend hangover
taking over

Cold distant morning
alone on the fog bank
watching the animals play
see how the simple things
create so much excitments
evolution is a depressing things
growing with the pain
turning into something
something I am not
cold cement walls holding me
in their warm inprisonment
knowledge forced upon indivduals
who know nothing of real life
like cold distant mornings
alone of this fog bank

Here I am, sitting on the sidelines
I watch them jump and play
Longing to join them, I watch closer
When I close my eyes, I can picture myself
Being like them, exactly who I feel I am
But my world doesn’t work like that
My path was chosen, my wants kept secret
So here I am, sitting on the sidelines
Waiting for coach to put me back in
My eyes wander up to the stands, where my father sits waiting
Waiting for his star to emerge. Thinking I’m happy
Sometimes I wish he would understand,
And sometimes I wonder if I would even tell
Him what really makes me happy?
It’s not Football, or Track, or being Mr. Popular
I have never been a man’s man at heart
Here, deep inside, I am more than that
Deep down locked away where no one can see
Is a heart that aches, and a brain that doesn’t fit
I’m not the man they wanted me to be
Because I don’t want to be a ****
Like those guys I call my friends, who use and abuse
Who care not for a beautiful mind
But a beautiful behind
Here I am, sitting on the sidelines
Made to lie about who I am
Forced to find no joy, no peace
I want to join the book club and
Paint beautiful pictures in many bright colors
I never said I was smart but I know who I am not
Sitting here, Is not who I am
I hear the crowd cheer and glance up at them
As my huge family roars with pride
Coach taps my shoulder, drawing me back
I run onto the field and take my position
Calling out plays, waiting to catch the ball
I fake left, like I faked all my life
I fake right, like all those times to my dad
Finally the ball releases from my hand
In a perfect spiral straight to number 24
I stand and listen for my dad’s voice
“That’s my boy” as my stomach clenches with hurt
My mind fills with regret and I know what to do
The crowd explodes in uproar as number 24
Reaches the end zone, happy as ever, as himself
I look up at my father, he looks so proud
I know who I am and this is not it
I walk off the field away from the crowd
“That’s my boy” no more, I’m gay and proud of it

Life is a series of links between fantastic moments & unforgettable memories:
The moment a stranger pays you kindness
or the feel of a unknown first kiss, with the passion of faded possibility.

Drenched feelings, what's right and what do I feel,
playing around with a new expression; An expression of self degradation:
The lovely bruises that litter my skin shouldn't bring me such wonder.
But I remain here,  
pleading with my heart to stay the bittersweet skips,
as I wait for you to pull me closer, but it never seems to listen:  
Dark prince,
you play with a damaged mind,
one riddled with everyone's problems, and suppresses all her own.
In a game unknown to all but the puppeteers;
Dark Prince,
with a whole new world of ideas, your intoxicating passion rattles me deeper then I dare mention.  
But still;
I beg my heart to stay it's hand as life moves on and
Dark prince,
with words like nurturing bee stings and lips of pure statin drowned in honey,
you are a comforting reminder of a new door opening.
Dark Prince,
pull me closer and hold me tighter,
is it too much to ask for you to protect me from the onslaught of all to clear nightmares.
For minds and hearts such as mine, aren't unfamiliar with the cruel hand, and hollow kisses from a lovers lips with the taste of an old romance,
the tales of woe never interested me anyway.
Dark Prince,
Words are my knives, the only way I can voice what's really inside. The final defense of a forgot but painful war. Take this proclamation with the gentlest of kisses.
For my Dear Dark Prince, we are only at the beginning.

Watching him lying there
Shirtless, spraining my imagination

Images of him on a beach
In glorious slow motion

The lady in me craves his
Mouth on mine while his large

Hands keep me from falling down
Legs intentionally spread apart

Winking faces, suggestive conversations
How much more obvious do I need to be?

laying here, grass hugging me
the smell of dirt in my nose
as I glance up at the stars
big ,bright , beating burning hearts
peacefully it began to rain
I did not move, I couldnt
the starts kept me vexed
each tear shapped drop
reflexs back my stars, falling around me
the dirt shifts to mud
the grass hugs me closer, not letting me go
I stare as the star fade back into hiding
till another day, life floats on

Tight unloving spaces
Squeezed between January
And our next December

Pleading with time
To allow our love
Just a little bit longer

Our life together
Shoved in a box that
You locked away forever