When i was a boy, i smiled.
I smiled like life was perfect, in my mind it was, because its all i ever knew. I smiled untill i grew, an as i grew bigger my smile grew smaller, doctors still havent noticed the corelation of a kid who gets more depressed as they get taller. What they dont know the taller you are the farther you fall, so i now spend some night curled in a ball wishing i was small. My doctor offered pills, but my depression is a devopment of my surroundings, the government calls it middle class poverty, where we dont have food in the fridge but of coarse the government doesnt give a **** because the class we barely fall in.. so we fall deeper into debt, having to hold our breath so we dont drown in the red.  Some days id rather be dead,  or at least gone far away but by the time Dawn comes i realize im here to stay, i have a responsibility here to watch out for my little brother and sister. And i smile as i watch them grow every day, Im also trying stay in a school i barely fit in, still broke . 17 dollars an 12 cents, the amount of money i currently have in my bank account. The worst part it is more then my parents so for the next three days i have to eat n buy gas, i know at twice the deal i can get an extra large peperonie pizza for 7 dollars and 90 cents leaving me with 9 dollars and 22 cents and its 3 dollars n 50 cents to get there n back to my sweetheart but 8 dollars for school so people wonder why the poor end up like fools the numbers just never added up. Its not our fault, so we beg and like a taunt the government offers 30 percent off tuition like its a gift dont waste it but most kids in my stand point could never taste it we are trapped.

A
D
C
B
B
B
Be correct please...
I cant stand these tests
Desighned to determine the worth of our mind.
Dont mind me im just suisidal because i got a C, plus these desks lined infront of me, im my three hour exam that took me two and a half hours of writting i took the rest of my time to count the isles,  35 then i took some time to count how many were lined in front of me 31, and with me thats 1120 desks filled with students so stressed you could cut their hope with a single breath. Now this horror scene has no bars but the crippiling debt deffinitly imprisons us. Its funny that a gymnasium can be turned to a slaughter house, maybe even a gas chamber killing hope by the masses leaving thoasands behind because they allready got their check.

Every smile is to be paid double its weight in pain, paid outright and full before intrest is gained. I escaped depressions grasps for first 12 years of my life. Someone forgot to tell me what i owe, now i dont mean to seek pitty with my tale of missery and woe. But it seems some nights the devil takes a certain interest in my crimson eliqour of life. he to just wants to see it pour from my veins flow like silk down my leg and hear me say.. nothing.. no cry for help in fear someone would notice the scars i cover with my pair of jeans. Some say its in that that i aquired such a lovely taste a hatred for myself. Others have told me to get over it, everyone feels depressed sometimes, but most nights i dont see the light my path is a foggy stormy night sailing without the stars you can not tell me its the same and im the one who should lay the blaime on myself  for letting it get this bad.

I'm not the kind of girl
who writes love poems
and I'm far from romantic
my two moods fall between
depressed and manic
I'm not charismatic
I'm far too sarcastic
and just from one ****
I can snap like elastic.

But no one has ever
been strong enough to
pull apart the barriers
that cover my heart
quite like you do,
and I know you
hate your smile
but my god
I have never seen
a face light up so much
with just the movement
of a muscle.
Tousled hair
of black and blonde
I am so fond of the way
you say my name
like it isn't something to
be ashamed of.
Like somehow,
I'm more than the sum
of my parts.
Like somehow,
I'm not just a canvas
but art.

I'm not the kind of girl
who writes love poems
but there's something about
your eyes of blue
and the way you flew
into my life
like a falling star,
slowly
then crashing
all at once
finding its way into the
dark crevice of my heart
that was nearly torn apart
but you picked up the pieces
and bandaged me together again.

And this might sound zany
but even just one night alone
makes me miss you like crazy
because when I'm with you
my mind goes all hazy
and I'm convinced
in that moment
that everything will be okay
because you are not just
a boy to me
you lessen my depression
you calm my anxiety
I'd throw away my variety
of pills just to be in your
arms forever
Elavil, Cipralex, Zoloft
are just names
and they hold nothing to you
because you are my
perfect dose of serotonin.

You said,
"I like you more than poetry"
but my words are broken vocal chords
that never should be spoken
yet when I'm with you,
the poet is awoken.
Ballads and rhymes
will fill my mind
but no matter how hard I try,
nothing I write
is worthy of you.
The most beautiful
man I know,
the most beautiful
man I ever knew.

And I say,
cut off the strings,
you marionette.
Free yourself from the
binding chains
that control your every move,
fly. Sing me a song,
you gorgeous violin.
Tear away the
thoughts from your mind
that are constantly
telling you that
you are not good enough
because my darling,
you will always be
good enough for me.

You said,
"I like you more than poetry"
and I'm not the kind of girl
who writes love poems
but I will say that poetry
is nothing without the poet.
And my god,
I ******* love the poet.

Remember when flowers and butterflys were to girly for guys to draw, so some guys practiced in their rooms curving lines to make art, blending the pencil's lead residue left on the page to create depths of endless proportion in our mind. Then came the colours, bold and bright enough to make us smile. Remember the grade school bully who saw the picture and made fun of us for it, but deep inside he was jealous. Then in high school art class we were asked to draw it and finally our time has come. We once again blend the colours and pencil lead to form the memorizing wings of the butterfly amongst the bright yellow flower. For this moment we were Picasso and Voticheli at once. We ceased the moment and claimed it as our own, we put the others in awe by the. time we were finished. For this moment we  were artist's. .

Here is a four letter word I put between Canada and I. I'm just sayin it ain't hate. Its the place i live and the reason i give my four letter word isn't just its great, sure our society is corrupted but give me a minute to explain I'm sure you'll find it's worth it. I agree Canada is far from perfect, but name a country that is. I'm saying right now if I had a choice from anywhere in the world this is still the country in which i want to live. Maybe we do need to get our ethics up to speed, but countries are killing just for the leaders they want to please. There are countries with communism that ended in oppression where if you say no to conformity they will teach you a lesson. This can be paid by death unless you can write a really fat check. People are dying and their government isn't even trying to look for their killers and it isn't us who are oil spillers in the gulf. Sure we could cut down prisons and use the tax in missions to help feed those who need but there are good people who proceed to do this please believe me when I say some of the nicest people are those who say eh, to me **** Canada is far too harsh, sure you can say **** politicians even **** religion **** segregation and **** the sexist people of the nation but don't insult the place I love as a whole cuz now you are the one who's spreading hate

There is a girl i sit behind in a class we are asked to hone our craft of writting, producing storys and tales but in my mind poetry stiill prevails, this girl has long light brown hair that flows like silk down her soft face jeweled by her big bright brown eyes that draw me in. She speaks from her heart and can captivate any reader she gives the glorious chance to glimps upon her work. Her words could move mountains with the weight of truth she uses. Still she does not see it, sadley she does not see the gold in her soul, the angelic like perfections that make up her face beauty is not worth the essence of what you trully are, for you make the stars envious with how u shine, your eyes so amazing they are like a rainbow a child sees in the sprinklers reflection to remind every man that deep down is a boy who still thinks the world is full of wonder you give me the same feeling as christmas and just like the grinch u made my heart grow three sizes bigger then nyone thought possible to the more astonishing part you ddnt just make me fall in love with you, you showed me i can love myself even with the times i grunted n growned as u made me look after my health a good nights sleep before you meant nothing, but now with you a dreamer has a reason to sleep hopeing i can see you even a second longer in my head as storys play like projector screens thinkin of the magic it would make me feel if i could only just kiss you, Your lips softly pressing against mine. The idea brings fireworks to my mental imagery, my body becomes lifted full of energy. Like the sky that was once dark and smogy is fresh again, i take a deep breath inhailing the clean air that clenses my heavy soul. I reach my hand over my cheast realizing the heart you stole. Thinkin its safer where it is cuz my hearts a wild animal and its wrong to keep it locked up behind the cage of bone being my ribs. Memories like monkey faces and tickle fights, curved with philosophy and a cold cola dwn my neck while you laugh enough to everyone stare but we diddnt care, whats highschool without silly memories, like asking bout my feet. Or convincing me to keep my dorky hair that never seems to lay flat in the back. Picking jokes at my baggy jeans, stealing sweaters but that part always made me smile thinking something of mine kept you warm, no matter if it was dark or a snow storm know im close to you. The thought of my arms around you, sometimes we might get pulled into dark thoughts, we are tested and pulled, sometimes you might think you have nothing but know you will always have me. I care so much i will never let you forget. Till the life leaves from body and i take my last breath. You are strong, you are smart, you are beautiful. THANK YOU, You made this grumpy man smile.