I appreciate Emptiness and its efforts to make things feel right
With the naivety akin to thinking that it aids all wounds
Like how it wants to keep me warm at night with a blanket of skin piercing cold
And how it shields me from the sun
Not knowing 92 million miles away lies my only source of light
And at times it invites Loneliness over when it feels helpless over my tears,
Thinking that it'll make things better, much oblivious of the surrounding irony
Always the right intention
Always the wrong move
But I appreciate its presence
For Emptiness is my friend
And sometimes it is as if it makes
the blanket of cold,
and the umbrella of dark
Feel just
like
home

oh fractured soul
fly me anywhere, everywhere
i don’t feel it anymore
only absence
all sense of belonging, gone
familiar shadows fleeting
including my own
oh i only have a home
and it is within me
never far
but outside these walls
i am another evaporated rain drop
another sea shell
washed away to another shore
different but the same
it is just me
i am the one who lost it all
like a caterpillar trapped in a glass jar
by a child too innocent to know
how bad the world can break you
and for these reasons
i yearn for
some place foreign
some place anew
because i’d rather be a stranger without a name
than a stranger in the same place she became

i am one with the sand
blown by the breeze
not quite reaching the clouds
before i fall back to the ground
along with this transient dream
of being able to fly

i am one with the waves
adamantly
caressing the shore
only to keep being pulled away
in a routine
of holding on
and giving in

you
you are the sun
blinding me with your light
stinging these weary eyes
forcing them shut
without wanting to lose sight
of your shine

never would i want
anything more
than to live
to see another day
lit bright
with your presence
which washes these doubts away

so i will keep
reaching for the clouds
despite the constant fall
and as
for the shore
i have no choice
but to keep caressing back for more

chase away the vengeance,
the grief and
the vanity
for what is the world
but
an ephemerality

Sometimes i feel like i've been gone for too long,

The orchids have died, the leaves have dried
With vines clawing through the walls of a space where i had once reside
The fields are bare, the sky a pale ivory
I approached the half opened door, with feet dragging slowly

I turned on the light as it showered the space with a dim lit
With every step, an eerie feeling started to creep
From the moss covered floor to the soles of my feet

Sometimes i feel like i've been gone for too long,

Further in, i heard voices starting to whisper
Ringing my ears with words like
You don't belong now, you're just a stranger

With hands pressed to my ears i tried to drown them down
Eyes darted to find where from, came the sound

But then the lights flickered and i saw from across the room
Faint shadows laughing and dancing, such a contrast from the surrounding gloom
Faces familiar, but there's something about their eyes
They shone a different pristine, much brighter than the diamonds of the skies

Sometimes i feel like i've been gone for too long,

I tried to walk closer, tried to pat on a shoulder
But my fingers slip through like a knife slicing water
Then again came the voices whispering a little louder

You've gone so far
You've gone so far they've forgotten who you are

My body turned numb, with only the shivers of a throbbing heart
Tears began to well as i stumbled in the dark

Look at them
The voices continued to spew

Look at them so happy
So happy without you

Like a tenacious flame on a candle that just won't die out
Even after gushes of blows from a child with an eager pout
(Those feelings are gone, I momentarily thought
Oh how wrong I was, I kid you not)

'Make a wish' they say,
for only once a year comes a birthday
Eyes closed, hands clasped, the child then began to pray
(How silly of me, thinking they've gone away
When I knew deep down, they're here to stay)

Again they sang the same song but this time a little louder
Smiling wide, the child knew she'd thank herself for the wish when she's much older*
(The covers are warm but my insides are getting colder
But faith is here with me, whispering 'things will get better')

My eyes are dead
But you can't see that
For they are misted
By the things you wish to see
By the things others wish to see

I understand now, how insomnia plays its tricks
******* the life out of my eyes
Drained
Leaving only hollow sockets of nothingness

My eyes are dead
For they don't even have the strength to force out tears anymore
Reddened
And perhaps
All that they're strong enough for right now
Is to pretend they're still alive

My eyes are dead
And you couldn't see that
But maybe
Just maybe
The pools of shadow resting under them
Gave it away