tattoos swim around Her arms in delicate waves
and i think Her glasses are too big for Her face
and i still think She is pretty
we never locked eyes the first time
but somehow I knew it was Her
indeed it was hard to forget lips locked together
while i watched on You held her like a love song
and explosions rocked my shores with storms and tidal waves
Her shoes are filthy
like You
i guess that's why You like her
i just cant help the cruelty that tumbles out of my mouth
broken people breaking others
its like these hands write on their own
You
drenched in red and purple light
much too beautiful to stare directly at
much like the sun
but i squint and struggle still
while Your light completely consumes me
Your gaze travels
You
***** preacher in search of His scandalous lover
your eyes find Her
You smile
and so does She

I'm on the corner of a street my feet know how to navigate well
From many times Ive traveled here to scan the faces in the crosswalk
In the beginning I avoided this place in hopes the sickness in my stomach could cease for a little while
But as time went on the days became lonelier
And on those days I wandered here
So I could feel nervous again
Longing for my heart to catch in my throat when I see his lips
Or his nose on a different face
Hoping that the sound of your voice will float into my body
and bring me back to life once again
But Ive had no luck so far
So for today I tell myself
"Rest now."
And forget about the tireless search for a familiar smile
When I settle on his eyes I'm mercilessly tossed away into their oceans in ways that I never thought possible
Reality slips away
Leaving nothing but my tunnel vision of him
I race through the gardens of his mind and see
Where I had once broken off a piece of myself
And hidden it inside of him
A piece of me I knew would not be forgotten forever
But that I might not ever be able to find
I'm not expecting to come face to face with so suddenly
And I'm thrown into his orbit once again
My resolve disappears like his cigarette smoke
For that moment I am sixteen again
Catching his gaze across the lawn
The color of his eyes so indicative of mine
His insides are so vulnerable to me
When he sees me
I know he finds the piece he had buried inside of me too

My grandmother still has a picture of you on her fridge

I came here for a breath of fresh air

Just to find you hiding in all of the corners of my life

We call men like you

Detwi Lapè

On this day at dawn i rise
The clouds painted
In shades of pink and blue
My lips turn up at their corners
For i can’t help but smile
At a sky like this

The birds greet me with a song
Their morning chatter dances in my eardrums
Like they’re calling out for me
To join their choir

The sun starts to peek over the horizon and it Seems for one moment
In the chaos of this life
Everything is still

I reach for my lover’s hand
And I know he won’t be there
To close his fingers in between my own
But I gently shut my eyes
And imagine
He is here to share with me
A peek behind the pearly gates
This little slice of heaven

Tread water
Feel human again
They watched you
Find solace in rubber bands
And you've fought to
Hide them inside your hands

Feel it fall off of your shoulders
And burn like your last cigarette

Lie in wait
For the final chance
Wonder if your peace
Looks just like your regrets
So close to bliss
Or feeling anything again

Blurring faces
Easy enough to forget
What's unchanging
What blows away in the wind
What are just moments
Permanence sneaks inside your head

And feel it fall off of your shoulders
And burn like your last cigarette
Wither away with the embers
Could've been better than this

Lie in wait
For the final chance
Wonder if your peace
Looks just like your regrets
So close to bliss
Or feeling anything again

I want to stay
I want to stay

If I am not careful about my choices
I will continue clinging to the edge
Afraid and unwilling to see what lies beyond

There are unspoken questions that linger

How much am I willing to die for you?
How much will I bleed?
How much control can I relinquish?

Who am I if not yours?

How am I supposed to love freely
Knowing that sacrificing all of myself
Is the only way to have only half of you?

Is this all my life was meant to be?
Deciding over and over again
If you are worth suffering endlessly

There are many things wrong with this picture
The lines are drawn in the wrong directions
And they are too sharp for the image I am trying to paint
Safety and comfort

Regurgitate my motivations
And spit them back at me
The debate will never be if the way it tastes is exactly the way I meant it to
The question lies in the question I cannot answer for myself

Do I deserve it?
Am I an angry
Snarling
Selfish creature
With long talons that destroy the world around me
The one I have tirelessly tried to paint for myself
Could I be so selfish?
Could I be so cruel?
Do I claw at the walls and scream at the sky when the house around me burns down into ashes
While a shadowy figure like myself is setting the place alight?
It lingers in the corner of my mind
And fights to be the only thing I think about
Is it I or the monster who would love to push it away?
Dissociating from this creature is the only way to control her
Surely
I couldn't be this evil