I’d rather be dead
Than be half aware
I desire ignorance
More than a blank stare.

I try to feel with numb fingers
I try to see through cataracts
No taste, no smell where I be
Nothing to hear through the wax.

But why do I know this?
To what purpose am I aware
Of my dead senses
Should I care?

Can I awaken from this sleep?
Can I open my eyes and listen?
Or will I forever be aware
That I am not aware?

The air is thin, I struggle to breath.
Vultures waiting for my imminent death.
My throat is parched, I struggle to speak.
Demons looming, sensing I'm weak.
Voices prophesying doom, the end is near.
It is a life without you I fear.
Time has passed since I felt your gaze,
Too much time, the day now barely a haze.
I remember the sun, the water and air,
Soon you'll be here, my hands in your hair.

Living a fantasy like there's no tomorrow
Long forgotten are past and sorrow.
I touch your skin and find your gaze
You smile back with kindness always.

I look at you, no need to fantasize,
Your beauty shines, no need for lies.
When you speak your voice soothes me...
All my heart in wondrous harmony.

A voice or two in me disbelief.
What is this thing that brings relief?
Scars and fears and the old way
Be quiet now so we can play!

I'm used to Heart being quiet
and Mind stoically in control...
keeping the peace with logic,
being sensible you know.

Then Heart saw another of the same kind
and jumped up and down, ecstatic with the find.
No more staying quiet, no more letting be,
screaming wildly to Mind.. I want her to see!

You lived a life as have I,
Our journeys merged, I wonder why?

Heartbreak, sorrow and regret
seem to have faded every time we've met.
Words of kindness I shine on you,
Your smile blossoms, mine does too.
A burning in my chest, the desire so strong,
I crave your touch, your lips all night long.

About what's next my mind is taken,
Trusting, hoping, we won't be shaken.

My weakness is rabbit holes. My drug is truth.
Diving deep in the world of wonder on my own
I look at the seeds and shadows of reality known.
Few seekers of truth, a lonely journey it is,
BUT when I find a gem, I run around, a child pleased.
Show my treasure, share it with all who will play,
But alas, what I find, looks like a nothing they say,
Uninteresting, appalling, invisible, alien, not grand,
Not fitting a box square, brown, no pictures, bland.
Then... I see a glitter in an eye, a wonder at my gem
And I know, another child, not one of them.
My weakness is rabbit holes. My drug is truth.

Fractured parts of me I need to find,
Lost in space, in time, inside my mind.
What I'm looking for I know not
The mess I live with is all I've got.
Like the love for my children I long to love me,
But how can I if hidden parts of me flee
Into darkness hidden behind fears and regret,
From the time of childhood, demons in stone set.
Do I have light, is there something to find
Or will it be dark forever in my mind?