How can I be so selfish?
I mean, I have you. I finally have you. I finally have someone I've always wanted. I've never believed in this word "Perfect". That whole word tasted ***** in my mouth.
But hey, I have you.Somehow I was blessed with this amazing,beautiful miracle of finding love. Someone who can save me..You have saved me.
Yet, when we're apart, oh my god I hate this. I hate this feeling in my chest. I get this pit in my stomach full of hot rocks. It's unsettling. It's almost painful.
I never thought I could rely on someone so much. I never thought I would. Yet,here we are. You're gone just for a few days but I swear to you if feels like a life time. When are you coming back? My lips are starving for you taste. My body is aching for you touch. I really need you.
How can I shake this feeling? I know, it isn't healthy.I should be able to go without you for a couple of days right? I mean, isn't that how it should be?
But then again is this what "Love" is all about? I wouldn't know. I always thought I've felt "Love",but this... Something in me just clicked. Something in me just sparked once I felt your touch for the first time...Hearing your voice sent shivers down my spin.The type of shivers I want...
When are you coming home to me?

As the party went on through the night I couldn't help but to look at him.. He was smiling, laughing with her.. Then when she ran to the little girls room there was a new smile, new dress. Why do I care? We agreed. "Just friends.No attachments." But there I was..Looking.. There he was..Looking. There were guys I would talk to, I wouldn't push them away.. But at the end of the day it was his lips I'd be kissing, his body on top of mine. How can I do this? How I let go?

I tried to better my self for you..
I tried to become someone greater than this mess.
I tried to make you smile.
I tried to make you see the brighter side.
I tried being there for you.
I tried to help you.
I tried to make them listen.
I tried to explain my self, I tried to help you explain yourself.
I tried being this person.. The one I want to see in the mirror & smile back.
I am this mess.
I am this sick, tired, lonely, selfish fool that can't stop loving you.
I am this stupid, weak, full of lust mental case that can't stop thinking of a "Perfect World". Where I am something better, where we are together.
-D.

I thought all the butterflies flew away, but talking to you.. Hearing your laugh. I found one more beautiful butterfly hiding.
How could this be? I thought the garden was empty.I thought it was destroyed-
But looking at that smile of yours made all the flowers grow once again.. It was so crowded, so much color, so much life..& my heart,wow- It felt lighter, it felt better.
Could it actually happen again? Could we be happy together again?
-D.

I'm just sad.
How do I let this go?
How can I become something new?
I don't want to feel this anymore, I don't want to keep waking up and asking "Why?"
I want to be happy and see the future so bright, no matter the outcome.
I don't want to be feeling this so soon.. Or ever. I don't want to think of my life some dark hole I couldn't escape. I want to see some kind of light.
I'm tired of pretending this smile. I want it to be real.
Why can't I just think of something happy and stay happy? Why do I have to force my self to get out of bed and why do I have to force my self to see the ones I love? Shouldn't I want to without hesitation?
I'm just sad.
-D.

You know what hurts me the most?
What hurts me so ****** much is that I was fighting for someone that wouldn't even do the same for me.
I was begging for something that doesn't even exist.
There was nothing between us except some fast spark between two teenagers that are both wounded.
I thought us "finding our way back to each other" was some fate sign that we were meant to last. That our fate was forever.
This night made me realize that was some sick joke..
There was never "We can try again.", there was never "You're the one I want."
I don't know how I got here… How I finally realized this, but now that I have…Maybe I can finally heal..No more scars that get cut open all over again. No more nightmares..No more pain.
-D.