Carson Elliott

Carson Elliott 2d

A house, a home, a family, of this you say you dream..
even aloft, once long ago,
since a young lass upon 13…
Oh marry ways, the fruitful days,
of which the masses would lay claim…
The wonderful type, of the family life,
alas,
exclusively,
betrothed in fame…
So I struggle hard,
and I worry harder,
In life’s en vogue, mais toujours scénarisé,
We sign the charter, I play the martyr,
Leading the charge while you talk down to me…
Be a man, be tough, be proud,
They whisper, nay, proclaim aloud!
While you’re coddled ripe, and spoiled rotten,
I’m covered in blight, spoiled, and rotten..
My cries, they carry,
my echos forgotten,
A whisper one would say…
But if I’m closing my eyes, and and you got your way,
Guess I’m the one who died that day…

Carson Elliott Aug 2019

Misunderstood

I didn’t say you did something wrong,
I didn’t say my pain is gone,
I didn’t say you’d do me wrong,
But the words I say all come out wrong,

I didn’t say you would cause me hurt,
I didn’t say you would make me dirt,
I didn’t say you wouldn’t put me first,
But the words I say only seem to cause hurt,

I know your trying and I know you are pure,
I believe you when you say you’re here,
To love and laugh and be with me,
But my anger is all you seem to see,

I didn’t mean for it to come out wrong,
Or say that I sing the heartbreak song,
Just want you to know and want you to see
There is a better side to me than jealousy...

Seems whenever I try to speak to my girl , I struggle to portray what I mean and it comes out or is interpreted as jealous anger.. but it’s definitely not how I meant it to come out...

Carson Elliott Aug 2019

Poetic justice

Poetic justice is just so poetically just, only just, poetically, to the unjust....

Carson Elliott Aug 2019

Spoil

Ghosts of past creeping through the floor like a tethered memory you cannot shake,
Echoes from the past that ripple through time
Like a stone cast aloft into a perfect midnight pond,
Regret is a cold shudder that pulses down your spine, like the tingle that you get when a ghost whispers in your ear,
The past is set lay paved in stone to an artist we call life,
But the futures still a riddle that is pondered here by all,
A puzzle that can break and twist and flip and fly and soar you high above, a puzzle that can beat and break and smash **** you straight into the mud,
Leap with care but soar with ease do not do not merely flutter, for life is gonna spoil you, one way or another...

An old one I found buried in my notes...

Carson Elliott May 2019

Pusher be the puppet master

The monster has a grip on you like a fiendish dog that ravished a piece of feral meat
Gripping all of you, holding tightly to your soul
The things you say, the things you do are actions not from self,
but like a puppet you obey
Twisting, turning and moulding you into something rather dark
the puppet master make you say, the puppet master make you do, but none of these that make you you,
your thoughts are rather twisted like a puzzle not yet solved,

I peer a glimpse of you and you say you will be fine,
I hear the things the words you say that remind me of the time,
but the time has fluttered across the sea and the memories they still fade
I hope one day you break away and the puppet master meets swift demise
But until that day, in every way,
I slowly but surly die inside

Someone very dear to me is in constant struggle with drugs...

Carson Elliott Dec 2018

Internal struggle

I punch and fight and
Jab and kick,
I use mean words and
Each one sticks,
I draw my sword and
Stab in deep,
It’s a fight to the death and
I play for keeps,
A twisted battle and
The end is near,
I fight with anger and
Have no fear,
A final blow and
Lost all wealth,
But it’s an endless battle
When your fighting yourself.......

Carson Elliott Dec 2018

Demons

I don’t know how to say it, but I love you with my heart
I don’t know how to show it, and its tearing me apart
I know I love you and I know it’s true, I know that the person that I want is you
I have demons inside that are waging constant war, like the persistent bitter cold that attack a cabin door
I have been truly hurt and it’s something that I hide, a shameful ***** demon that I cover up with pride
I want to let you in and I want to love your soul, but the demon like the cabin is coveted in cold
He rears his head and says the meanest things, I want to try and fly away but the fire clipped my wings
I feel like a monster and I regret the things I say, ill do or make or show anything to try and make you stay
I try and try to fight with him and one day I might win, and maybe when the demon goes I can finally let you in
He won’t say mean things or bark and shout, he won’t be an ******* when he comes out
He won’t put you down or make you cry, I can let you in and ill **** well try
But once you’re in my damaged soul I’m scared that you will see, that the demon I had fought so long……….

that demon he was me.......

So im in a relationship, but the demons i have from old scars keep coming out and i struggle to trust this woman. Even though she is literally amazing in every way! I feel like im constantly at war with myself and its tearing me apart. Its the eve of her birthday and we cant even be together, she lives so far away. I just wish i could show her that a lot of the problems are not her fault, i just struggle with my past because all i have known in relationships is pain....