a preacher, one day,
told me that we must be so rooted in Christ
that if we crashed our car and
our 3 year old daughter flew out the opened door
that we would look up to the sky
and immediately think
"Christ is enough."

i wish i could save you
but how am i going to do that if
i can't even fix myself?
i'm so glad someone can find me
so enthralling as you do
but all of the beauty, intelligence,
humor and grace in the world
cannot save another person's soul.
so don't hold me to that standard
i love you, i love you, i love you
but i am not your savior

all i know is

i've never thought of the silky white
of someone's wrist so often
and how it would feel
to run my fingers over it

you care about me when
i destroy myself
from the inside out and
you see me as pure

every single time you've flashed
your wide, white smile at me,
the floor slips from under my feet
and i sink in a feeling of warmth

i love you more every time i see you
disgruntled and upset
and my greatest fear has become
hurting you.

you can't hide from me
i know you and your demented ways
because i've seen them in every man before you.
you see me and like my "radiance,"
how i laugh at everything and smile
at every person i meet
and how i take my time with others.
cute right?
you label me as "safe"
and "easy."
you'll be in for a treat when i stay up until
1 o'clock am, ranting about how
some boy at school was insensitive about women's suffrage
or when i cry over Monsters Inc
or when i forget to give you your iPod back
for the fifth time
or when i repeatedly swing at you
and whimper when you pinch me once
or when i'm so honest that it feels
like i'm beating you to a pulp.
that's when they give up and that
is when
you gave
up.

for once
i'm at a loss for words
all i know is
you're gentle and kind and warm
but your patience is slowly melting away
down to the dark, rude,
unforgiving soul
that you have pushed so far down in you

Lost in confusion and hiding in darkness
whimpering and bruised
You reached down into my dark days
and pulled me out
You whispered meaning into my life again,
"My daughter."
The very words struck me to the core.
I lay my life at Your feet
for You are my only source
of worth and happiness.

it's a draining process -
to constantly pour all of my love and devotion
into everyone
and see them turn their cheek

i'm the shiny nickel you saw on the sidewalk
that you didn't pick up
i'm the opportunity to skydive
that you declined
i'm the rays of the sun that glaze your skin on the beach
that you must protect yourself from

i'm the one that is liked but never loved
seen but never heard
cares but is uncared for
and is always the second choice