there are no numbers
to accurately describe
the infinite amount of times
that i have dreamed
about feeling like
a million dollars
if, only if,
i was ever allowed
to walk down the street
holding your hand
once again.

love.
what a strong
powerful
meaningful
word.
one that should
not
be used
or taken
lightly.
you yourself
said you
rarely
speak it because
it is used too
often.
so now
in the course of
three  little weeks
you've told me
four
times
that you
L.O.V.E.
love
me.
do i even
dare
to believe you?
do i even
dare
to question you?
do i even
dare
to say it as truth
in return?

i close my eyes
as the song comes on
the one about the boy
trying to skip rocks
on the ocean
and i can see myself
years from now
taking a little hand
warmly in mine
and leading them down
that old, worn out dock
to our old spot
between 10th
and the shore.
i'd show those little eyes
the very spot
i fell in love with
you
that unseasonably warm
November day.
i'll show them
the date carved
in stone.
our proof for the ages
that no matter
what happened to us
we really did
happen.
i'll tell those little ears
about the magical
once in a lifetime
sunset
that took my breath away
and took us to  a
whole other world
a whole lot better than
this one.
i'll tell them
our story.
the long complicated tale
about best friends,
a lovely blonde haired
blue-eyed boy,
and my insignificant self.
i'll mention how
we saved one another
from ourselves
and how we fell
in love
during late night talks
but never admitted it.
i'll tell them the story
of us.
i just really hope
i get to give a
happy
ending.

wanna know something?
they all think i'm okay.
a smile and a nod is all
the convincing they need.
they can't see
that i'm broken
and that it's all falling apart
and i don't even have
the strength or care anymore
to catch everything
before it breaks
all because
no one
tried to catch me
before i hit
the ground
and
shattered

i always wonder
whether or not
in the depths of
night,
you lie awake
with your
childhood quilts
wrapped around your
fragile frame
clutching your
stuffed animal
thinking about all
those nights spent
with my voice
on the line,
carrying you off
into the safety
of your most
beautiful
dreams.

i know they'll say
i wasted
the best years
of my
life
chasing after
loving unconditionally
wishing for
hoping for
living for
you.
one day i'll probably
agree
with them.
but i know that
at this very moment
i can't imagine
any better way
to
waste
my best years.

you see through me
as if I were made of
glass.
I do suppose I am,
for I keep
shattering.
though I do wish
you would stop trying
to piece me back
together.
I don't need any more
fingerprints
weighing down my
heavy heart.
you see, I'm trying to
rid myself of those
pieces that don't
fit.
so please leave me
with my missing parts.
it's not your responsibility
to slice yourself
while attempting to spare
my blood.

those painful days
when your eyes
don't
meet mine
are the days
when i
can look at
you
and savor your
blonde-hair
blue-eye
beauty
to prepare for
when those
painful days
are no longer
a
rare
occasion.

i know you
love the rain
each time a cloud
releases a drop
to fall upon us
i think of you.
you yourself
made me love
the rain
more than i did
before
but when you're not here
experiencing it as well
it just isn't as happy
it just isn't as smile worthy.

it's kinda like
walking down the
sidewalk with
you
and having you
decide to
shove
me
out into a
busy street
and telling me to
think
fast.
those **** elephants.