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 Feb 2018 Ariel Wadyese
Georgia
If you don't choose a side you either fall through the crack and die or you create your own platform and survive,
you just gotta chose life over death
but sometimes it's really just not what you want
Because If you put a gun up to my head
I'd beg for the trigger to be pulled
But if you handed me the gun
I'd put it back down
Because my heart couldn't **** me
But my head wishes nothing more...
'Maybe my heart would be warm dead cause it's so cold alive'
 Feb 2018 Ariel Wadyese
CAM
Shy?
 Feb 2018 Ariel Wadyese
CAM
God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.
I'm not perfect. But I'm not shy anymore either.
 Feb 2018 Ariel Wadyese
Georgia
Don't start an addiction you can't fund
Don't get jealous of somthing you can't have
Don't make yourself Ill if your well
Puff puff pass puff puff pass
'Where's the grinder' 'anyone got bud'
Daily routine of joint after joint
Nightly thing is cravings coffee and nicotine needs
An addiction I can't fund
A jealousy I should never have gotten
A thing I can't help when my minds the way it is
Save us ends, save us ends        
'I've got the light' 'I've got skins'
Play lists of stoner songs
Days blur into weeks, slowly into months
But it's now you
Your eyes have become what I latch on to when I'm fuzzy
You when I'm getting anxiety I know your there
You're too blazed You're too blazed
'You making one?' 'how well can you roll'
Acoustic was our thing
Nights spent next to you, not together like that together as friends
But I'm okay with that I knew feelings were evil but playing a joke on there own slave this cruel hurt me from elsewhere.
I dont know who I want, do I long for her knowing old arms, do I long for the ones barely even open?  

I guess only time will tell, waiting for you to open those arms that have been felt by the pinch of a blade the pain of needles and join to the hands that can play the guitar as if it's your life machine with each chord a new minute added to how long you will live is like waiting for a dry day in storm season, and it seems like a never ending storm...
Or I could go running to hers which know my pain, those who at many points have had the exact same heartbeat.
Those who have embraced me at my lowest to take me to a different level of high just to drop me from there to crash.
I knew what love was with her the giddiness the longing, the pure need to see her whenever you couldn't in the slightest even speak to them. When we could sit in silence and just be happy to finally be with each other.
Our eyes where always up we couldn't look down we soared so high together felt the course of adrenaline trough us at the exact same time. She gave me the most scars yet the happiest memories. She took my heart she moulded her mark and filled a gap I didn't know I had and when she wasn't near I needed her so bad she became my water. She was water and I needed whisky for around three months and cigarettes for around four so whisky and ciggies cured the hickeys I had a remainder of until my whisky run out,  in some cases I was glad I didn't need it.
But I'm still smoking...
And I don't think I can quit

— The End —