I wish you wouldn't look for me in my poems
Contrary to popular belief,
I wish you would look for yourself in them

Your love may be continuous
But only as a straight line
Although that's dumb because all lines are straight
Much like how you claim to be
Everyone I look at the derivative
The instantaneous rate of change of your love
I find that it's always zero
A constant really
Your words are true yet your heart is not
Not matter how many graphs or formulas I use
It's always 0

People want to read good poetry
Scratch that
People want to relate to poetry
Doesn't matter if it rhymes
Or has many lines
Doesn't have to make sense
Or be the poison to God and puzzle to infinity of time of the begging and the end
There just has to be a resonance
A connection between their life and the words on any page
Good poetry
Bad poetry
There's no difference
It's just poetry

Today I talked with a friend,
you were in my head but I prevailed and did not mention you in the least
However, she brought you up and you became the subject of everything again
So it's not my fault you're still in my head, it's everyone else's

Is knowing when to end it

Your eyes leave a fiery impression on mine
Your kisses leave a trail of fire on my skin
Your words of romance leave a warm sensation within me
Please
Just burn with me

Forgive my sins
I didn't realize loving him
Went against everything I believed in

I think I have discovered something important
Something phenomonal
Gravity brings you in, pulls you down with its long reach
There is no force in the existence that does the opposite of that in any way
But I have found that love is the reverse of gravity
All it does is push the people close to me away
Repulse them really

I'm here alone in my room
The lights turned and the only sound you can hear is one from the ceiling fan
It's not a special day nor happy day
Nor a sad day
Just a regular ol day
One of the few times I'm truly alone
And I miss you

I can't stop thinking
About those eyes
That crooked smile
Mane of curly hair
Sweet,deep voice
So I don't think
Empty space is what I prefer

Why are you alway behind ?
You're moderate
Average
Nothing special
Good at everything
You can't do anything right can you
Everything you do is nowhere near enough
Nor it ever will be
Look at the mirror
Ha!
It's already broken

I can't wait to leave
to be far beyond your reach
you won't be able to touch me
talk to me
influence me in any sort of way
this body won't tremble again in your presence
this heart will not quicken and defy the laws of rhythm
I'll be states away, maybe even a country
for years and years

I can't wait to leave and come back to you

You know I might not to be able to ever get over you
But I'll be dammed if I don't try to unshackle myself from these chains
And if that's the case, I'd rather live shackled than willingingly on my knees

I like symmetry
No scratch that
I need symmetry
When my right hand is cold
My left has to be as well
When I've bitten one nail
I must do the same to the other
Some find it weird
I'd rather think it makes sense
in a world that doesn't have any logic in its buzzard ways  
My face isn't equal
Have 3 freckles in the shape of triangle on the right side of my face
To say it irks me would be an understatement
I want symmetry for everything except when it comes to writing of course
Not as ambidextrous as I would like to think I am
I really do need symmetry
So I guess that's why when you broke my heart
I've been trying to break yours since then

It's not love
It's idealization
Thats what it is
You see ,I keep on creating these little clips
These movies really
Where you come in, or call
More like text since you don't like direct confrontation
Where you ask me for another chance
Another go
But you've never been the one to do that
Maybe once in the summer long ago
Life changes you though
I'm ready to meet someone else
And I've tried
Another boy I tried to make mine
It's not love
It's not love
I swear
I'm too young
I'm too naive
I'm too me to be in love

The worst part of wishing upon a star
Is knowing some stars are billions of light years away
And a few stars are already dead before I even make my wish

Are any of you ever lonely?
Typing everything you're feeling to end the pain?
the most humane wish there is, no pain
I imagine, no I know, loneliness to be a white maze
everywhere you go it's white
and you're the only black dot on the map
People turn to white, cars turn into a white, everyone around you
Even words turn to white
Your thoughts leave you as well and become the light that shines on the maze
It's so loud with silence it's deafening
The quiet is too **** loud
Alone with everywhere to go

People keep asking me what I want

Every time I say nothing

For how can you get something that never existed?

Like *us

My friend today mistook a paper bag for a cat
I cried of laughter
I mistook you for someone who cared
I just cried

We painted galaxies with our hands
Stars were created when we opened our eyes
Black holes that **** up everything started when we kissed
Planets collided and meshed together as we fumbled in bed
Asteroid after asteroid
A non stop rain of them
We shouted our words of love to the sky above
Comets of first-times cleared a path through the clouds
Small spats appeared as craters in irregular shape
Cuz darling no one is perfect
And the universe was created when we broke apart

"Take your broken heart,
make into art"

I walked right into it
I seldom walk into any trap as a matter of fact
I have led myself to a painful, agonizing death
Defenseless and vulnerable that's all I am in this moment

                                                 I walked into the room, my eyes like lasers                
                                         ­                             automatically locked onto you

The sand stars swallowing my feet and I begin to panic
My heartbeat accelerates in tempo as if it was an instrument following the music of my eventual demise and sorrow
I begin to scream, wail, sob as I plead for help
Reason appears to end my plight
Logic starts weaving its web inside my head as I try to come up with a plan to escape

                                               Our eyes accidentally meet across the room

The sand is up to my  thighs now
Reason leans over to toss me a rope and trips
He falls into the sand and is swallowed in an instant
His burden of knowledge too heavy to save him now
Any hope escapes me now and I struggle not to just end it right now

                                                I accidentally touch your hand and quickly
                                   recoil as sparks ignite and travel over my skin        

Fear darts into the scenery, agitated and shaking he pauses at the situation
Picking up where his predecessor left off, he tosses the rope and I catch it
Hope renews in me once more, a chance of surviving this ordeal is getting bigger by the second
I grasp it the rope tightly and pull to let him know it's safe to pull me out now
Unfortunately, fear has never been strong enough to face himself or anyone else and my little pull drags him down with me

                                          Your arms envelop me, warm and comforting
                           as I breathe in your scent. I don't wish to be anywhere
                                                                ­                            else right now.


I stare in horror at what I've done, all that is left of him is a tiny bubble that quickly pops
There is no escape
This is no dream
This is my close
My resolution
Hate in her pale gown appears at my side, floating over the sand that is now up to my chest

                                             Our lips met and galaxies were created and
                                         destroyed. Stars came alive, the ocean rose up
                                      to meet the sky. Everything lasted forever right
                                                          ­                                 then and there

She takes in my tear stricken face, the light in my eyes slowly dying out like a candle as each second passes
She places her warm and on my cheek and the other on my shoulder as if to hold steady of what was to come
Then she pushes
Me
Down
The sand is now up to my chin as she takes her hands off and begins to float away
I try to find the strength to lift my arms but I cannot
I thought that she out of everyone would help me
She is the opposite of why I'm here in the first place

                                                       You whisper those tragic three words

The sand takes me completely
I cannot breathe
Someone grabs my hand
I recognize whose hand it is
The twin sister of Hate
                                                Love­

2 sides of the same coin

                   *And that's what it felt like to fall in love with you

Love is for the hopeless
Who still have hope

New me
New heart
Hopefully

I don't need another being to create beauty
My sadness creates enough beauty for both
I don't see any of your writing in mine

I have a phobia
Of you
And I swear to God
I still keep wanting more

Let's go back in time

Back when time stood still
When the clock hand slowed to a stop
Your darling eyes frozen in forever
Lips meeting in the dark
Sweet-nothings uttered

Let's go to now in time

Now when time is running away
Hundreds of miles away from each other
Only one of us is still haunted
Christmas spirit all around
Uncertainty in all of us

Let's go forward in time

Times open its arm, waiting to greet us
Years have passed with seconds ticking by
Hearts mended and broken
Happily ever afters for some
Say your goodbyes and be done
Staying was never an option

Let's go somewhere in time*

Where my heart  is always broken

Stop trying to talk to me in my dreams
It makes me believe they're real

We gazed upon the sea of stars
Truth be told I have never seen constellations
These figures that everyone else can see
Made up of simple lines that create a story
I don't see it
Oh but you do
You say there's billions upon billions of stars in the sky
You claim that for each star you can cite a reason why you love...
I choke on my own hope and love
Her

Now I have billions upon billions of reasons why you don't love me

A v e r a g e

6 letters in the first and 7 in the latter
one letter missing, one step closer to becoming that dreaded word
It's not that I am, or I am not
It's how I feel
Not good enough to be noticed
yet not bad enough to be forgotten
Stuck in between
How liminal

Hell, maybe I'll even become mediocre
Never more
Never less

The Day of Love is fast approaching
I only noticed it today
Another year of self-love
I don't think it's that bad
Being alone is what I'm good at
Well more of mediocre if I'm being honest

I'm just bored of missing you
It's all I ever do

A Capricorn
A Cancer
You know what other word begins with a c?
Catastrophe

In the night
In the day
In the dreams
In the memories
But I never wake

Your kiss speaks more than your words
Especially when it's with someone else

I think many people confused sadness with depression
In an age where it is a competition to see who has it tougher
Who tried to **** themselves more
How many relatives and friends died around you
Whoever cries the most wins
As if troubled lives will pave the way to success
Whoever is sad is treasured because they might have the potential to be the next big hit

Sadness is getting a bad quiz grade
Sadness is teenage angst
Sadness is rejections by the boy you kinda accidentally met eyes with a couple of times

Life is full of ups and downs
It is statistically and scientifically impossible to be happy for all your life
You have to go down at some point , just like you have to go up

Sadness is knowing you'll get back up

Depression is something else entirely

Sadness is not knowing you'll be happy , you just don't know how
Sadness is not something you carve into your skin
Sadness is not pretending to be dead while your thoughts wreak havoc inside your mind, leaving it a battlefield

Depression is sitting in the back of a huge auditorium trying to watch what's going on stage but all you can do is zoom in to blurred images
Depression is not ending your life because it's too difficult
Depression is thinking you don't have a life to end

Understand the differences

Lost
Once again I reach to you, site of poets and dreamers.
Once again I call upon your strength to assist me through the dark and lonely nights.
Once I was here, among the poets but I had to erase the memories.
The lies.
The truths.
All so that one soul could have the privacy she wanted.
I willingly gave it up,not knowing the urges of needing to write.
So I request an invitation,
a doorway of light in the path of an unknown future.
No more shall I look for others than they shall look for me.
For I am merely a blade of grass amongst the flowers.
I used to inscribe my life into these pages almost everyday.
This is a place where I can be myself,
even if I don't know who that is anymore.
I ask you,
can I,
once again be another poet amongst the dreamers and writers?

Monsters weren't always monsters
They had dreams
They had families
Most of all, they had hearts
They were just walking one day when the wind changed
A sight for sore eyes appeared in their vision
Black hair framed their face
Glasses smudged
And a smile so wide it opened that chasm deep inside
They fell in love
Fell out of love
Cried a river and nobody drank
Sang song of fury
And nobody listened
Had a broken heart that nobody mended
Drank a poison that nobody cured
Since then a monster

My resolution this year
Get my heart back
Even if it means taking yours

Someone once told me that every 7 years
All our cells are destroyed and replaced
That one day I'll have a body that has never been touched by you
But my heart still is touched
Still marked by the claws of your love

You and I

How do I get to Heaven
Without losing a piece of me
How do I get love
Without giving up something
How do I get to be happy
Without being sad

'Tis a fool to say to be happy is to be in love
'Tis a genius to realize that to be in love is to be happy

A lifetime ago, you were my life
But now, you're just someone I use to pass the time

I like the way you say my name
By passing it between our lips with a kiss

LUST
I've been touched by someone else
I felt nothing
Curiosity grew into lust
Lust faded away into nothing
I felt nothing
Is it me
Is it you
Is it nothing
Have you been touched
Have your thighs been spread
Has your mouth been opened with a searing kiss that made eyes blink back
HATE
I think I loved you
Is what it was
Now I don't know what it has turned into
love
I'd rather not say anything on the subject except for one thing
It's a fool's errand for a king to give something that only belongs to him
And I don't know which one I am
Longing
But I don't miss you
I really don't
Only for today

We're all made of that same cosmic dust
All of us are made of each other
Linked to our very fiber of being
So you still carry a part of me as I do you
In the galaxies of moons and planets
We still are one

Hearing your smile still took my breath way
Even if it was just for a second
But I no longer have to breathe
Since my heart is missing

You believe in a higher being just so you can believe in yourself

Kiss me like I'm different
From everyone else you've kissed
Love me like you've never loved anyone
Break me me in ways I haven't been broken before

What I thought I wanted before I met you