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The first time it hit me that I was in love with you I was drunk and a little tired. I think I might've told you 10 times in a row that I did love you.  But I love our love and the way we love each other. Like when you come over and I do that annoying thing when I'm still getting ready and its boring for a while but you still tell me I'm beautiful when I'm done
Or like when the first time you spent the night and I already had a contact case and solution waiting for you before we went to sleep.
And how you still let me put on my loud 90s r&b; and get my favorite song stuck in your head even tho you dont like it
and hating how jealous you are but want me all to yourself
and feeling a little weird when we're not together.. little love sick might be coming down with the flu
and i wanna write you notes all the time and leave them in your backpack and all over your room and probably run out of ink because itll be too much
and spending hours on the phone not saying anything
and spending those one month anniversaries together even tho they aint really anniversarys
and how sometimes i st st stutter trying to tell you i love you
and sometimes i wonder if i got hit by a car and lost my memory would we fall in love all over again and would it still feel the same
this is the love I want but i have a boyfriend so I'll share this love with him
I once heard someone say not to make homes out of people.

I couldn't quite grasp the idea of what that had meant until I planted seeds of myself in skin that wasn't mine and in a body I didn't own.

I slowly started to see the roots forming around your ribcage, all the way through to your smile and the lines on your hands.

When I was with you I could see the flowers sprouting out through your mouth exploding into more with each laugh. And when you'd kiss me I'd feel the roots in my soil growing stronger.

You were the most iridescent flower I had ever made a home of.
It was a rainy day outside, I was in sixth grade and going to this cafe every morning had become a routine since I moved in with you. It didn't last very long, but I cherished those moments with you in that cafe. It wasn't a surprise, I had kept any moments such as this close to my heart. Thats the truth, dishonestly I lied and said I didn't care about your absence in my life. I missed you but, I'd never say it out loud. I wanted to tell you my secrets. I wanted to tell you every play, running meet, job and phase you've missed since I'd last seen you. How many haircuts do you think I've had since we'd last been face to face? Did you get my prom pictures? Did you hear about the trip we're supposed to take up there? You know my hair is curly like yours right? Often times family members tell me I look like you and I do this thing where I rub my tummy and tia sally told me I got that from you. Sometimes when I've had a long day I go home and read your letters in hope that I find some clarity. It only ever makes me feel nostalgic and reminisce times when I still had my grandmother in my life. The sun shining down on my face while I'm sitting on a blanket outside playing with my toys. It reminds me of my mom spending every last penny of her savings on the funeral. Transitioning from my childhood and entering adulthood at a much too young age. Witnessing the changed from people who were seemingly what I thought were average turn into irrational and odd humans. Everything was altering so quickly and rapidly. We do the best we can.  I'm not angry anymore, I dont hate you. I'm glad you're still alive so we can revisit Rosie's.
i wanted it to be you
i still want it to be you
but it never will be
  Sep 2015 Alexis Evalyn Daniel
Me
Eberyday i get up
Brush my teeth
Get dressed
Have breakfast
Go to work

And hope to overtake your heart with a tiny little blink of the eye or a touch of my fingertips to your shoulder.

Everyday.
You are sweet, people.
I don't miss your stupid Jetta.

I don't miss your green eyes.

I don't miss you ignoring me and making me feel small. I definitely do not miss the broken promises and the way you lost interest so fast but, mostly I can honestly say, for the first time in weeks, I really don't miss you.

I used to hope for you to come back but, do me a favor and please don't.
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