Alexandria Cawood

Alexandria Cawood Jun 2012

When I see you I smile,
I kiss you, and am embraced by you.
It used to all see from the heart, now it's just an act.

I wish it to be like before, only for it to worsen.
I keep control of myself in the presence of you and other.
When inside I am broken, shattered.

You told me you loved me,
That you would always be faithful to me.
Lie after lie, I believed it to be true.

Suspicions of deceit, I ignored.
For I trusted you, and that trust you abused.
For so long you let me live in a blinded truth.

When truth came to show,
My suspicions were right all along.
My foolish love clouded my judgment, and the real you I never knew.

You cheated on all the others,
Why did I believe that I would be different.
We planned out our futures, a child on the way.
Even a wedding someday.

No longer am I blind. I now see everything.
My trust, my love, my desire for you will never be that same.
In my blindness you embraced me, said you loved me, forever faithful to me.

It angers me to know that I had once loved a cheaters embrace.
Engulfed my self in a cheaters kiss.
All untrue, now to me and you.

For you cheating was left our love lost in an unseen mist.
My trust in you, forever gone.
My love to you, forever hesitant.

Alexandria Cawood Jun 2012

Your Consequences

How can I sleep, when every time I close my eyes nightmares haunt me?
What scares me the most is the they've already come true.
And now my fear is of the past repeating itself.

I awake crying, craving your comfort and understanding.
In the end I'm left a lone because you become angry,
Wishing that I would forget the horrible act you had committed.

Your wish is hopeless because forgetting???
No, never.
It's so hard to trust you like I once did.

You say it was stupid, and an act of anger.
That you were just needing a "stress reliever".
All due to an argument that was simply nothing.

Your revenge? You got it.
You surpassed your goal,
Threw our wonderful relationship out the window.

Now trusting you is almost impossible.
Every thought of that day infuriates me.
Every day, every night, it haunts me.

There was so much between us, to you I suppose,
Wasn't anything at all.
Nothing will ever go back to how it used to be.

Looking at the consequences you set up for yourself,
Is it what you've done you regret, or is coming clean?
You say it's the regret of your deceiving act, to you that maybe true.

And I? In my heart,
I do not believe I will ever know.
Or that I could ever put my heart and soul in to our relationship.

I can love you for all it's worth.
I can even forgive you and forever be there for you.
In the end though, I do believe I will always resent you.

Alexandria Cawood Jun 2012

Silently Broken

How is it that I always believe every word without question?
Shouldn’t I know better by now, after all the times I’ve been hurt?
After knowing what to look out for,
Seeing all the signs that another makes you happy?

I still try to delude myself that it’s just one of my minds tricks.
Only lately, things seem to be harder to ignore.
The pain in my heart increases,
Already knowing and accepting what the mind keeps rejecting.

What kind of life is it, when all you do is try to delude yourself?
Convincing yourself that everything is perfect when you know it’s not.
You live in fear of losing the one most important to you,
When, ironic enough, you’ve already lost them.

Every day you pretend all is still perfect,
Knowing that perfect is the exact opposite.
The more you carry on the more your heart breaks.
You put on a good show though, so no one will know.

The day finally comes where it all has to end.
Although, knowing what to expect,
Thinking there is nothing left inside to break,
Your whole body crumbles.

There seems to be nothing left,
No strength. No hope.
Just a broken heart,
Silently broken, never to mend.

Alexandria Cawood Jun 2012

Missing Pieces

What happened to being your number 1?
What happened to being the one you cared the most about?
What happened to the times when you'd go to any length to see the one you say you Love most dearly?

All those things you once said now seem to mean nothing to you anymore.

Did they ever really?
Can you even answer honestly?
Or will you try to find an excuse to cover for your actions?

You stole the thing that people try to protect the most.
The Heart. You were suppose to keep it safe.
Instead you played with it, and took it apart like a puzzle.

Now there's pieces missing.

You keep them hidden well,
Knowing they'll never be found.
The location kept secret in your mind.

Please give the pieces back.

Not knowing is terrifying.
Not being whole is miserable.
I want to be whole again and only you can make that possible.

Please give the missing pieces back.

Even through it all my love remains the same.
Despite all the pain.
Despite all questions unanswered.

I still love you.

Alexandria Cawood Jun 2012

Release

Anger can consume ones whole mind and body.
Encaged, it fights to break free.
You fight to stay in control,
But just a single tear is a sign, a trophy, showing that Anger has won.
And you have lost pathetically.

After so much pain, so much confusion
The tears become more frequent.
Like water from a stream, flowing down the ***** of a mountain.
Perhaps it cries too, then.

Despite all inhabitants in the surrounding environment,
Loneliness is felt.
All thought is lost, word's take by the wind.
No voices are heard, everything has gone mute.

All that is left to do is to find an escape,
A way to release all which you hide inside.

Alexandria Cawood Jun 2012

Invisible

Clear as a ghost or Invisible as a bat
One of us has become.
When seperation occurs all thoughts of us,
Of me, are forgotten.

What will it take to make you remember?
Calls not returned, questions unanswered,
Evenings filled with lonesome silence.
What can I do to change all these things?

There are times that pass without touch,
Without a word simply spoken.
Attempts at affection so easily seen,
Yet, to you, so blind. So unseen.

The lack of awareness pains me deeply.
Afraid that your love fading is a possibility.
You say that is impossible,
So why do you make me feel so invisible?

A crime, it seems, to be overwhelmed with aggravation.
Why is it wrong to change the unpleasant?
Why is it wrong to crave your constant presence?
Can you answer me this: Are my desires from ignorance?

Alexandria Cawood Jun 2012

A Father, A Soldier, A Sacrifice

There seems to always be a tear in my eye, when you're not here.
For when you're away ther is always the possibility of no return.
You put your life at risk, for who?
For those who could careless and waste their freedom on drugs?
The country you fight for, is not worth it anymore.
I wish for you to be here, and help take care of our family.

WE need you!!! The little ones ask:
"When is daddy coming home?"
They think you're at work, so I tell them to be patient.
Just a little while longer.
They're to the age to realize you may never be back.

Laying in my Bed at night, I ask why.
Why does god prolong your return?
Why I must lie to my children,
Not knowing if you're dead or alive.

Our letters seem to be the only thing Keeping my hope a live.
For the day, They Stop coming, will be the day my world crashes.

I heard there was an accident.
State Marshalls pulled up,with a envelope in there hands.
My knees buckled.
They said they found your lifeless body, in a pile of sand.

Now, you're never coming home.
Our children rage. Wanting to know why.
All because you felt the need to fight for a country.
A country based on Lies.

I tell them our stories.
And how much you loved them,
How much you Never meant to leave them.
For weeks we shared the same tears.
Constantly carrying them in our eyes.
Every plane, every loud noise,
I start to cry. If it were not for our children,
I would surely Die.