It was impossible not to miss him,
He was impossible to miss.
But I missed to see that,
What I was actually missing
was the idea of him-
being missing and missed.

Hi.
May I sit down? Thank you.
So how are you? Has it been four years? Really? Wow, Time has sprinted away from us like criminals, don't you think so?
I've been alright...

Well anyway, I know this might seem weird or awkward but the reason why I came over is because I wanted to apologize for what happened last time. It was crazy, I stepped out of bounds.

Yeah... sorry about that. I was not in my right mind at that time.
You left, and I didn't know what to do.
I was heartbroken.
I'm sorry for that scary note on your car, really, I am.
When I realized what I did the following day, I really wanted to get that note back...

... but my friend, Ari, remember her?
Yeah, the blonde one with the bob... well, she told me to leave it.
She wanted you to know how I felt.
Crazy.
I didn't know what I was thinking.
I'm seriously sorry for that.

Well... other than that, I just wanted to say, thank you
For what? You silly,
For everything-
for leaving me, especially.

I was really crushed you see,
I spent months stuck in bed mourning over you, and it wasn't pretty.
I didn't even want to talk to my mother after what you did to me,
Imagine that.

For that one year, I tried to be normal.
To forget I ever alienated myself from anyone
No, I didn't get fired from work, thank God...
You know how supportive my boss is
and really, all I wanted was to not break down... ever.

No, you don't have to apologize, really,
I forgave you long before I forgave myself.

No coffee for me, I'm leaving in a bit, I just wanted to say hello and apologize.

How long? Well, I was in that place for almost two years
until one day, this ****** stopped me in the middle of road.
right at the zebra crossing, imagine that!

and I was in my sweat pants...looking like crap....
yeah, I was still in-the-mourning over-
yeah, you,
but really, this stranger just stopped me from crossing to the other side.

Well, I didn't know at first,
but the first thing that came out of his mouth was,
"Do you know how many women I've said the three words to?"

Naturally, I freaked out of course! Who wouldn't!
Well, as much I love seeing you running away from him, I guess that'll never happen.

What was my answer to what? Oh, his question you mean?
Right, so I answered,
"No, I don't even know the number of women that you know!"
and he stared at me, like I'm this strange art piece in a museum that probably has zero meaning to anyone but meant the whole world to the artist.
Oh, he looked at me like both.
and then he said,
"Three. I've said the three words to only three people in my entire twenty seven years of living. My mother was the first."

I tried to cross the road again but he started following me.
This weird attractive man started following me across the road, and he didn't stop talking.

"Amelie was the second," he said.
So I replied, "Good for you. Are you married to her then?"
He started laughing and I really didn't know why until he told me that Amelie is his cat.

So I asked him about the third, and he said,
"I'm living with my girlfriend, Jess,
she's swell...
she cooks,
does the laundry,
cleans up the house,
you know, she does all the girly stuff around the place...
But I've been with her for a year now,
and I've never said it to her,
the three words."

Yeah, I did ask him, and he answered,
"Simple. I didn't love her. I wasn't in love with her. So why should I lie?"
It seemed like a rational answer, right?

His name is James, and we've been together for almost a year now.
Yes, thank you, I can honestly say that I am unimaginably happy.

What happened to Jess you mean?
They broke up hours after my first meeting with him.

No, God no, he didn't cheat on her with me!
We remained friends, and we still are.
Oh, so how did we ended up together?
I guess I'd have to go back to our first meeting then,
mine and his, I mean.

So I stopped walking and I was standing face-to-face with this gorgeous ****** who seemed really out of sorts, and I asked,
I was really ******* by then though...
"Sir, why are you telling me this?"

He gave me those two looks once again and said,
"I love you."

Of course I was shocked!
I wasn't only shocked,
I was frustrated, overwhelmed, infuriated, and well, everything!
He was still standing in front me like this lost puppy.
No, he didn't move at all!

So he said,
"I don't know what it was, maybe I'm bewitched by some black magic or maybe this is what the media calls fate, but the moment I saw you approximately eleven minutes ago, I knew it was you. I knew it had to be you. I saw it."

"You saw? What is it?"

"You know how people always say that they see paradise when they meet people they like, or something super cheesy like seeing Angels and whatnot? Fact it, they always see great and happy things but I didn't. I didn't see that in you. I don't know what it was or why, but I saw heaven and hell in you,  so I knew that I've found the third girl."

I never told you, but I gave you my all.
I gave you everything, all of me.
But it wasn't enough for you,
and now I wonder, what is?
What is enough for you?

Is it to see me cry you a river?
Or to witness me bleed over your love.
I bled to the bones, and still you turned away,
and I cried an ocean of tears, and still you walked out.

I figured it out-
The reason why I have not been able
To forget you
Or memories of you,
That some days I wish
I could run freely into your arms
Or feel your warmth,
And I sometimes see your ghost
Roaming about my day
Or lingering like a disease in my head.

I figured it out,
Why you are still present,
Though you are in the past.

I have decided to let go of you a while ago,
To eradicate the moment we first met,
As if you never existed.
But it never worked because I
Still shamelessly walk around hoping
For you to come and rescue me
From the memory of you.

I know what it is that keeps me from
Forgetting you.
I've moved on and closed that part of me
That holds your chapter.
But I realize what it is that keeps me running to you,
It's the fact that I do not forgive you of what you've done-
To me, To yourself and to who we were,
My innocence and faith.

Here I have with me,
Half burnt photographs,
A handful of recipes of food you love,
A stack of decaying envelopes addressed to Mr-
But they never arrived at your doorstep,
Not even in your mailbox,
Or your hands.

Because they have found their home in my little oak drawer,
caked with dust and the smell of time.

I am sorry that I have not stopped thinking about you-
Today, tomorrow and  an infinite seconds before,
before  you left I,
before I became just a girl.

I am sorry that you felt the way you did,
Whatever your feelings were, I know not what they are,
For you never told me,
When you should have,
But you let me pick up the pieces of your broken heart,
As I was mending mine.

Moments, they only have meaning
When I am with You.                  
I wonder why I have only just met
You but knew that I have known You
At the drawing of my very first breath.

I lived, but learnt the meaning of
Living only when You proved that my
Heart truly existed, whenever it skip numerous beats, every time
My eyes devour You.

And “I Love You” has never been said
Not through words
Nor any sign languages known to mankind,
but it is implied each time our eyes met.