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Afflicted upon by mass ****** suffering.
Unable to decipher whether internally or ex.
I tremble under the wash of black that engulfs all light touches.
Blurred vision, impaired by sheer surprise.
Alone and ripe.
Black and blue.
Inside and out.
I fight for nothing;
For a man that knows no loyalty.
Broken hand.
Broken heart.
Broken home.
Four years of come and go,
Two and fro,
Back and fourth,
Lie some more.
Four years I'd loved him.
Forever in my heart.
Foolish I chose such, no honor,
no respect.
Little effort. Lazy ***.
Sometimes I like to stare in the mirror.
Not because of vanity.
Not because of conceit.
Purely to see my own energy.
To look straight into my own soul.
My reflection releases me,
Reminds me this is just temporary.
I love to look at myself,
And notice something new everyday.
The days pass and I change.
I grow.
Not up or down.
But sideways.
And around.
I reflect on the past.
And even the future too.
I look in the mirror and I see.
I see.
In a world of reality and concrete,
We exist in opposition.
While you reside in the physical and tangible,
I resonate in the mystical.  
Our realms do not meet.

If I could alter my position in the stars,
For you I would.
I'd skew the right angle at which we sit
So we could finally see eye-to-eye.

I would be the flames for your airy aura to feed.  

If I could-
I would..
 Jan 2013 Adam L Alexander
Lotus
Below the river’s mirrored surface
Sun-catchers collect the eyes of fish
And in reflecting rainbows
Cast shadows through the currents.  

The slippers of dimpled stones
Tip-toe down-river-bottom
The same direction that the
Weeds blow.

Naked bodies that gleam blushes
Connect with the hot rocks
And rippled movements,
Each one dives into the cold clutches of aqua
Each one leaps on the rocks to lie in the sun.

The black and blue dragonflies,
They boast their fast flight
In full circles and angled turns
And from their deep-set ebony eyes
Pierce the spaces under rocks and between leaves.

Grains of sand are thieved from the shores
By the fast fleeing waters that do not
Stay in one place long.
Those under the water
Those that listen
Hear the music that is so subtly drawn with each grain of sand
Hear the music in the reflecting sun-catchers
Hear the foot-falls of every dimpled stone
Hear the music in the movements of those naked bodies
And in the speedy flight of black and blue dragonflies.
I thank the Lord above
For all the times
That I fell in love
And I thank the one below
For the pain
That I have come to know
I know it so well
Through the scars
From all the times I fell
They’re the reason why
I’m an empty shell
They have shattered my hopes
And destroyed my dreams
But it’s the love I have
That muffles my screams
I have more love than pain
Or so it seems
Until I’m crushed with this burden
And I come apart at the seems
But my soul burns bright
No one can dim it
But this girl just pushes me
Everyday to my limit
She drives me crazy
Completely insane
And for a minute I feel nothing
Not even the pain
But once control I regain
It becomes all too familiar
I wonder if it’s worth this
And is it my fault
Did I birth this?
Did I terminate this bliss?
Did I do something wrong?
If I did
Why has this been going on so long?
If this isn’t feeding off love
Then what’s it running on?
My brain twisting and turning
With different notions
My heart flaming and burning
With different emotions
I struggle to tell you
That life isn’t fair
And that about you
I never did care
You try to look into my mind
Knowing not the conflict
That rages on in there
The Devil pushes
God pulls so I get no where
Whether I should walk away
Or sit and stay
Is a battle between my heart and my brain
That I think never ends
I just hope when it stops
The right one wins
Anthony J. Alexander 2006
Nothing but sand
As far as I can see
No hide and seek
This vulture is in sight of me
Continuously even in sleep
Massive wings a deep
Almost tranquil black
Each murderous flap
Hits like a thunder clap
Or better yet a back hand slap
To remind me of the fact
That as long as I roam
Nothing is ever my own
So when I find anything I feel is a meal
It swoops down to steal
Everything I call real
Now hardly far from starving
Me and this vulture keep arguing
That my nibbles and bites
Can suffice to keep me warm
Through these nights
I wonder how it will survive
When I'm no longer alive
Because it almost literally
Feeds off me
Then whispers it's needs softly
That I meet promptly
So it can constantly taunt me
Because the thought haunts me
That if it went home
I would roam all alone
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
Somewhere deep inside it stirs
And at first it felt like a curse
But now that I have a better look
Its a hand filled with everything I took
Attached to an arm that bears my strength
Attached to a shoulder that carries this weight
Attached to a chest that is hollow and dark
Attached to a head that is falling apart
So they gaze upon me with the highest bias
Like they already know which one my lie is
When theres a noose on your neck
Its hard to tell how tight your tie is
Until I got this advice life doesnt play nice
Its hard and rough
And doesnt care if you're tough enough
Or how much stuff you can bluff
Or even who you wish you could love
So when you get knocked down
Knocked out or even knocked up
Dont just give up first sit up then get up
So now I'm brushing off the dust and more so the lust
Just trust that you and me making us is a must
Because we stand like no one else can
And I'm shaping your sand with my own bare hand
Attached to this arm that can hold you for years
Attached to this shoulder that can catch all your tears
Attached to this chest that has a place just for you
Attached to this head that wishes only that you knew
Anthony J. Alexander 2010
For so, so, very long...
You have loved me...
And I have loved you...
When I think all is wrong...
And all is blue...
Then I see you...
And all is well...
And I am strong...
Now you know...
And now you can tell...
How much I love you...
Now I can let it show...
And now my burden is lifted...
And my heart has shifted...
Now I feel no hatred...
But only love...
I still don't like her...
But now I can stand her...
And It's still you and not her...
But atleast you now know...
The size of the love I hold...
The love untold...
The love begining to unfold...
And unwrap between us...
As she sits in a fuss...
And I give you a kiss...
Then I crack a devious grin...
While I think of this...
Dream of us together again...
Anthony J. Alexander 2005
I told you I loved you...
You told me you loved me...
But you never knew...
How much I hated you secretly...
And now I'm glad you left...
And now I'm glad Your gone...
Since you left...
My happiness can dawn...
And now that I see...
The real truth...
That you care not for me...
And WE were just a spoof...
But no matter what you think...
I am fine, and I am OK...
You hit me with everything you had...
But I'll live to love another day...
And to your suprise, I still stand...
Because you can't see...
That you can't faze me...
You're not strong enough...
And your too weak in your own mind...
And I'm too tough...
And you have yet to find...
YOUR true love...
And your Angel or Godsend from above...
I just wanted to tell you...
That I am fine...
And see if you knew...
That I found mine...
And its not you...
Anthony J. Alexander 2005
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