My goal time and time again is to know you in a way no one has or does.
Maybe she knows you inside out,
Then I’m going to know you upside down.
I’m always looking for a new angle,
Our angle.

I’m gay.
But don’t worry.
I’m not so gay I make your eyes hurt
I wear leggings and t shirts three times a week
so my outfits aren’t so hard to swallow
Oh I’m sorry I hope my short hair isn’t too much for you to digest
Don’t let that hairball keep you coughing
Or at least try to keep yourself from choking untill you see the girl I held hands with last week
She was wearing fish net tights
Do you need some water with that?
Don’t worry her parents make her go to church on Sunday
How about some salad?
She makes the best salad.
Oh I’m sorry is it hard to chew with your mouth so far open?

Pick me apart like food in front of you.
After all it’s purpose is only to be consumed
Eat up.
I hope I made it easy for you to clean your plate.

Why can’t I just fully relax?
You take it all away
So why can I feel a little part of myself hesitate instead of melting in the mediocrity of ur arms holding me time and time again
Shouldn’t I melt more under more of your light
Maybe I won’t let myself be consumed
What’s left when the water evaporates?
What’s left for me if I’m beading into dew drops?
I’m not ready to start all over
I’m not willing to collect myself again
So I say I won’t let myself melt
Not yet at least
But the water cycle has its ways
And ice wont last long in the heat of may

October always offers something to remember
I tuck away memories in brown and orange leaves
Every year like clockwork
I know October will be at least one moment
At least one pause in time

A new pair of initials carved into the tree in my mind
The bark peels
But never falls
Polaroid pictures buried in a time capsule
One that is dug up to often to truly forget about it

I never want to miss October
The leaves may have fallen
But not without pausing in the air

I slip back and forth between the idea
Of getting better
Or falling apart entirely

I always see that girl you had a crush on.
Maybe you still do.
You should have picked her.