if i put a gun to my temple
and shattered my skull
pulverizerd my temporal lobe
it's only temporary and knowledge may fall

maybe there's a way
to let go my feelings
because i'm tired of feeling
these feeling i'm feeling

writing may help
i type to my self
because usually no one responds when
you talk
i just want someone around...

i kinda just want it to end
any good methods?
any one know a route off this highway?
my tire is flat and screeching against asphalt
engine is puffing and spewing out oil against the head bolts
i'm lacking compression but it's building up in my chest
so pierce my pressure point
so i can contest to this blade metalically dressed

does anyone know an easy way out?
because it's hurting and i'm decaying
its hard living when
when the joy is not around
and chilling means freezing out emotions to
subtle my tones
at this point i'd rather be chipped away as stone

finito

to you it may concern
when you were my lantern
my showlight
my beacon
my love

now you are a burned out filament
a shadow
tungsten opened due to excessive enthalpy
in this reaction

a surge in electrons with nowhere to arc

you were and still are my dearest friend

but like a deer caught in the headlights
maybe it's better i reverse this car a few times
and let the track marks really sink in

tarnish this engine
i will always love you
to the heavens and beyond

dearest

to pierce the sky and write away from home
to nudge the earth where the moonlight shone
to love your entity and to crack a skull
to shed my soul like feathers of seagulls
where i am know
i am known
but at this moment i cannot be known
for it is shedding
and i am wailing in silence
my life is a hole excavated by violence

leave me alone on this island to rot
for the sand through your feet will not be forgot
for i am sieved through the mesh of your foot
as crystals come and silica goes
i will always remain from your memories to your toes

There is a hole in me where my heart once laid
Happiness seems as much a mirage as a casino inviting you in to win
She seems distant but so close perhaps only in my thoughts
It does not feel any better
This metal device peering out of my chest
It hurts
But I’m filling the hole
I’m filling the hole
And this knife in my chest should be evidence ….no?
But besides the waterfalls of iron retained blood riddening it’s self out of my chest
Why do I still feel so empty?

Because when she was everything you ever loved
Without her a part of me is always missing

she smiles a bit of me dies inside
she laughs
she cries
a bit of me still cries inside

tears don't shed
so i get tattoos of them on my face
from my eyelids where the water once bled
these inked drops now take their place

i hear to **** is bad
to detain
and disembowel
is a tad worse

for my mind is my greatest gift but it may
also be my most frantic curse.

May I …
May I take you out over a candle lit evening
Where the look in your eyes burn hotter than the flame its self
May I kiss you over so gently and tell you there is no worry in the world our willingness cannot over come
When the sun may set and our eyes reset
You will be my last 64 bit pixelation stored in my memory net
For May I love you all year round
My arms around you I have wound
For take a cigarette and weld it in my arm
Let the heat ignite my firearm
For May I love you all year round
Memories with you burned in can never be drowned

to pour some 'erb diffusive tea
let it mellow in my cup
let the leaf take whole
where it leaves a hole
for this cup of sorrow is best enjoyed alone
with no company
just a settlement between
me
myself
and
chai

so much anger that words should ignite as they are typed

no wonder my CPU was overheating hahahah

at least this helps cool me down a tad

i don't admire the world anymore
i'd rather see no faces beyond closed doors

if everyone would sleep on a rope laced necklace i think i may be happy

i do not see friends in this glass marble upon which i live anymore
i do not seem many who care but rather just aquire and regress to their own cavern

so many heads turned
but not many ears who listened

people diagnosed with vague perceptions
but yet no one was there to percieve

HOW DARE
fiction off of folk lore

HOW DARE
it is arson to deprive someone from their well being
but it is irrefutably criminal to deprive someones time from their livleihood
time is not in your will

even the most beautiful of eyes may turn to distant shadows
forcefields unspoken when the serpents devour you on proximity

******* a joke

and if i made an error , possible,  i should make ammends for such
i will
the biggest error may be denial of your own error and shame on you
**** everyone

when respect is negligible i question how you will overcome anything in life
all you do is run..

now i can write when no emotion holds me hostage
when straying eyes were meant to know and observe
when poetry was meant to be judged and reflected

now i can write

i prefer to wear a cloak and compose rather than
have a spotlight shined upon to eminate my bubbbly perfections waiting to pop any second and soap all over the crowd
cleaning up their act

now i can be free

go ahead this platform was not meant for your approval
it was meant for my sanity and expression
a firework ready to burst strontium and copper compounds igniting the sky
you red this and it blue you away
i am gun powder ready to ignite
aluminum dust and graphite
let your eyes be the concepts which admire the show with awe regardles of the colours you admire
a specatacle of all sky lit maps
railway maps burst into the night time
let your eyes view

but your eyes will never
never
never be
the dampening act upon which my fuse is dimmed and struggling to ignite

your mouth looks real good wrapped around my *****

said and done .... *****

my dic k banged you

To u line your back
To use your hair as the guide to my chariot
Bend you over raw
Form a deeper connection
Use my hand as a guide on your sleek glass skin
Here you moan
Here you sing
Here you preform an opera
With me as a balcony viewer
To kiss your curtain calling skin
Grip you whole
Be your puppeteer as you my marionette
SubMISSive
Make you dance make you forget it all but always recall
make you love and laugh
The show must come to an end but we are both so eager for the next one to begin

*******.

to love and to kiss you on your delicate cloud felt lips
to sway to a winehouse ballroom and to guide your daring hips
to have you by my side and wait until our eyes collide
becuase you my angel will always be my day and my heartfelt guide

to paint and to sing
to rinse away my sorrows
to love you and your name on my tongue i may borrow
to rest in a slumber withheld in a hollow
brush strokes paint an image that i may love
brush strokes paint an image that may take me whole
and with every stroke i see you more clearly
with every oil bristled river i may cherish you more dearly
to a miss who may paint a picture
to my love and her brush strokes
this canvas will always be open to you and your every quote.

maybe one day i'll have them
but until then **** it

**** them all :)

when bruises turn to cuts
and cuts turn to wounds
and wounds turn into lovers leaving too soon

when ill doings turn to trouble
and trouble turns to joy
the cringing smile on an officer who's punishment deploys

when you i see a star
and in your eyes i see the moon
but i look down at my chest to see a knifing harpoon

and when lovers turn to dust and
dust sprays along the moon
it will always be your station
to that frequency i will tune

arrow stricken heart ache
nails chiseled until a bare base

hair ridden until all my roots fake

for you i dig i dig
i dug this
hole which took me whole

i don't have a heart

just a place where you once stayed


led a bit astray
plot twist like a shakespearean play

for this hole of love is too deep
and the sun's beams barealy shine
it's been a long time since i've had a good night's sleep
in this slumbering hollow of mine

clay sculpted hand weld
new shapes formed tales telled
of historic artifacts that left me with subjective water bath
that new clay woven nose smelled

cimb up the tree
willow it's way into the bark
infect all the apples
make its self at home
reclaim all the apples
the consumer is not alone

look at her gazing through the peep hole.

walk steps back

see a welcome mat pixelate

you're welcome; the end of conversations

.

burn every memory you ever had

destroy that china shimmering spectral coloured plate

leave behind every piece of her you ever loved

dismantle every city cruising wheel of that condescending
heart cauterizing, metropolitan based misedmeanor

how to leave so you can arrive somewhere new
so i never have to bare your kindness, your malice, yourself again.

be free of the pain which was
never meant to be delivered.

cracks a crystal
watch it shatter
watch junkies spree as their whole
lifre is fractured

what a  routine mess unravel
like projectile batter

on the 99th step the fracture of a sturdy ladder

sometimes i feel them
sometimes i don't

sometimes i float on them
sometimes i drown in that oil painted navy blue shade decayed tsunami

sometimes they carry me
sometimes they don't

i wave to you
and i get emotions which lead me a float

i look down and try to feel the beat of where my heart should be
but all i feel is a cavity watiting to be filled and a vegetable of an *****
surviving to beat
survival of the fittest
but the heart don't seem to fit

if i could take a shotgun blow to the head
maybe it would be a nice way to unwind

nukes are going off inside my cranium
and shrapnel pinching its way through me ear BANGING drums

if i could pull a kurt cobaine
i may just be a trigger happy lad tonight

to the night
for this is my last night
tonight if all is
unfortunately done
right
this is my last write.

--- FICTION ----

hy heart unraveled stitch by stitch only to leave a bare unspindled flake aggregated miniwheat like architecture

a fragile graphite layered scultputre precariously placed on a display case in the center of a slipknot mosh pit

people = **** and people = heartbreak

tip
15
30
46.6
90 degrees

and a collapse a smash a new abstract piece entitled

just as a 18th century mid roman vase were to shatter
no amount of super glue could restore this ****
no amount of super glue was meant to
it was never meant to (glue just ain't that super)

and if it were doped and galvanized in a bit of antimony for strength and support
but your touch is truly my favourite ash charred expansion of arsenic

i would love you every second upon every fusion
and fission reaction which occured
for i would be the He in your fusion
and you would be my oxygen repeatedly being consumed

i would love you beyond every satellite, beyond every asteroid belt
beyond every blackhole and crater on the moon
the moon so sweet i call it our honeymoon metropolis

i would love to see you
i would love to be with you
i would love to **** you
i would live to love

your eyes take me to places i could never imagine
lighting up my world with your two white dwarfs
for every time i look at them i know
andrometa
your eyes
take me
to the stars
and
back

my sour stomach
my sweetheart

my nurturing heartache
and my revolting larvae wardrobed butterflies
lifeline impart

spiderweb lungs and a heartbeat which ticks
ticks
tricks

i skipped a beat for you
and i skipped every last one after you left

you left me free
because my past died when you perplexed

with a million to choose from
my sweetheart i'd always select

what's it like to be loved
to be the first person infatuated with in the morning
to be caressed
to be kissed
to be sweatered in kisses and blessings

what's it like to be loved
to be nurtured
to be the illuminating brightness of someone's day
10000001 lumens for you
to be the initial current which spins the motor of life

what's it like to be loved
to be loved
to be cared for
to be admired
to be listened to
to be ....to just be
to be accepted

i know what it's like to be loved
but these days it seems like a dust covered, degrading artifact of a long forgotten civilization
i'm just waiting for my archaeologist to come brush and restore what once was

to hold up a cinderella cloaked daisy
to tenderly sense its petals sandwhiched by your fingers
to watch it die in a undernourished watering vase
rain has not fallen here since sinatra's excusrsions to a gleamish, ruby light toned flapper club
as a flapper holds her poise , you hold the stem of this daisy
your grasp it only to suffocate its xylem, collapse its walls as a canyon has boulders barricade it's river, it's desideratum
watch the petals wear a dress of frailness
watch them lose their sheen
watch them circulate ailments
let them rest in a place deprivingly serene

to **** a daisy
watch its yellow sun centre
die
your pupils dilate
as you manically squeal with mouth shut joy
to **** a daisy
you can always just pick another one
and make it your scapegoat of a toy

you truly are the stupidest *****....nonono that would be too easy

******* ******* born with a mental brain deteriorating disease

a grashopper with no legs would be more competent than you with hopping through trees

trisomy of the 21st chromosome seems ordinary to you

you are pretty .....******* stupid hahah lol jk

you are beautiful but ******* grow some ***** and make some intelligent calls

so a ******* ****** prepubescent man child does not drive you up the wall

you're willing to get abused in a trade off so you do not cut him loose

every second you carry on you already lost

as every second cotinues to count you are a lost cause

heart born with freedom
blood flow through my ventricles late i supercede them
like a hailmary through my bool stream
blitz my arteries with cholesterol teams

face planted
cheek slanted
girlfriend panted
and my ******* neighbours ranted

how come when i go too numb
face hit **** floor
i got overthrown by a concrete ***
back in the alley with stuck up confetti messes of chewing gum
until i become so numb
until my heart sore

heart died with freedom
**** these ventricles i no longer need to redeem em

in you i see stars
i see rage brought upon by a banishing black hole

in you i see the milky way
the rings of saturn i propose to your fingers
and my asteroid belt which comes undone this evening
meteor showers i scatter upon your eyes

but you are the andromeda
a galaxy distant from mankind
one we study yet one which is pulled away from our eyesight
you are awaited discovery and display awe

i began to know you as red giant, free and strong
but now you become a white dwarf in my eyes
just awaiting to be pulverized into a heap of a meltdown
with the possibility
of lighting up and giving us the glimpse
of
andromeda

for some reason more than a little reason
today i feel at peace
for some emotion more than a devouring emotion
today i feel serene
for some feeling more than you i'm feeling
today i feel whole
for some devotion more than my self devoted
today i feel with you

mid life random sins
nourishing grins passed on by wire strung tins
kindle blasphemy and spindle fibre monstrosities
for you for you
we have split divinity into
the depth, the crevice, the unexplored catacomb
for you for you
i have split divinity in two

you are a beautiful butterfly
but you are kept on display in a case
stamped down, encased, preserved
only to see light when the fascinating fingered pages are opened
of your family characterizing novel

you are a butterfly
i am an arachnid
a slik dress i have woven for you
shaped for you
enlarged for you
for you to fly in to my dressed web
as i spin you round as your ballerina persona dictates
to clothe you
to bundle you
to dress you
as i prepare to eat away at your butterfly insides

scar my heart so i will know every wound
that i could never mend

scar my soul so i could recall life's every downfall and crevice

scar my face and you ****** up

what it is like to pick a flower
a nourishing azalea exotically scouted in the temperate air
allow your pollen to drip over me because
honey you drive me mad

what is it like to whisper you nonchalant name
allow my vowels to amble their way into your RSVP'd
listeners lounge
aromas fill the air
your name is my lyrical content
to sing and leave you content
your voice heard through every continent
you're always the most indulged content
avec toi, je suis contente

what is it like to pick a flower
and give you a smile
as this temperate azalea is spotlighted under you

you know that feeling when your insides ****,
when gastric juice is old and the bleach is just as acidic
i got a reef knot in my stomach
every thread touched just makes it choke a bit more
every lace pulled
every yarn stretched
cystic fibrosis is in my stomach
i have swallowed the pacific ocean
and the yellow you see in the water is not the sun
but the bleach which the wind tugs
bleach which erodes every emotion
sodium hypoclorite which devours and channels its way through
in my bleach filled intestines

when everything slips through the pores
when the crevices are not suffocated from the atmosphere
when the cast becomes a river and the river turns into a lake
when you see everything flow up and away from you
from a cardinals flight path
although your ship is not meant to sail on these waters
land a hoy! it is just a pit stop in the journey
your dreams and aspirations are liquid epoxy
and you just lost the whole batch to a unsealed
mold

what is it like when a bird has wings
feathers kerneling off its delicate twig wings
what is it like when a bird can't fly
when it's silk feathers cannot grasp the air
and elevate

what a sight to see as a bird takes off
making the sky its new nest
twigs branches and pine needles
so delicately poking the air and the air pokes back
the wind beneath it's wings
now that is a friend always welcomed under my arm

swirling lollipops in the grasp of my lover's hand
the way you love so seductively your tongue should be labeled as contraband
as i sift my hand through your sunshine blonde hair like galling granules of sand
it is you who i cherish
you who i hold so dearly
you who i caress in the palm of my hand

travel to atlantic city
with you around the world my missy
for i know you would surely miss me
but in a crowd  you stnad out i could never miss thee

i love your smile i love your breath i love the way your dress connects
to my drifting hand and your nightingale lace
with you time stands still it's a never ending
race

i love you
your pretty jade eyes
the way you smile
the way you write
the way you swirl your glass
the way you live

just wish i loved they way you love

sometimes i think i'll die by my self alone
set stone change to a faded pigment tone
uncover my archaic aged bones
for when you find me know i died alone

sometimes i'll be forever mute
the robber stole but i couldn't yell "HE HAS THE LOOT!"
my voice is buried at the bottom of this chute
one day i will sing

one day
two days
three and counting

the days i miss you

my miss you are

my mountain
and cry me a river
so i'll swim in it until morning

for you i'll forever swim alone

hopefully you die sometime soon
because i feel dead after each stare given
and each time ignored

hopefully you cry sometime soon
like i did when i'm kicked out
and a few words too share is too much to ask at 10 pm

hopefully you're defenses drop
you are a forgotten prop
this key to your emotions unlocked
the last time grew my ***** dropped

no devotion for your emotion

you are my smile you are my frown
you are the reason my world is never upside down
you are gravity you are air
you propel me to do things; never despair
you are my reason you are my life
you are my flower when i'm in pain
but i grab your thorns in this blood trickling rain
you are my sunshine you are my breeze
these days you breeze on by swiftly
i love you you are my soul
but i feel like i'm the sole soul
in this milkshake drinking duo

i'm shaken these days only half the milkshake is ever finished

i write with random thought
but every word slowly leads me back to you

i try to get away but every
second i type you define my stanzas

you are the structural font behind my every line
and description
you bring the heat no need for ignition

you are my verse 2, 3 and 4

and your name
your sweet breath fulfilling name

is my chorus to which i joyfully hum throughout my days
and evenings

just to have an evening with you my love <3

bring me the horizon where
a vivid orange heat wave vibes into my iris
i'm more after you than the IRS
taxes should be applicable on you for looking so fiiine girl

****
she got an ***
suppress her sass
a contributing class

shiiit
she got a smile that
lit up my eyes like a flashing turnstile

hooolly
she got some eyes
that turn more heads than held in a booming enterprise

girrl
you got it all
even though your **** are small
and every time i look at you i remember what it's
like to be in a little piece of angelic heaven

i will always love you

i am so hurt
strangled in my sorrows
from every angle
eyes shut a redevelopment in my bone marrow
until i cannot breathe
i have left no more stamina
breath exhaled
bones crumbled to ivory dust
i lay with a soul now empty
the grease remain scraped up with a  spatula
just know i will always love you plenty