He looks at the empty bottle he has just fished off
He punches the wall and tells himself this is the last time
He knows this is the same thing he told himself yesterday but refuses to admit he has a problem
His pain has been replaced by the feeling of numbness and confusion
He just sits and waits for the day the lights finally shut off
He thinks to himself maybe then I will finally find happiness.* -Jeffrey Sutter

Divested self worth and shattered dreams
my heart bleeds to feed the screaming voices
in hopes that my blood will purge them from my mind
and desecrate my thoughts of a life long lost* - Jeffrey Sutter

Have you ever had everything right in front of you
  Then watched it get wrenched away from you as your fingers grip tight trying to hang on
     Leaving nothing but a black void in you
Have you ever filled yourself with hate and depression
  Feeling of hopelessness and broken dreams
     The belief that everything is always going to turn against you, or leave you
Have you ever stared at the dark sky wondering what keeps you going
  Wishing someone would take you away or end the searing pain inside you
     Wondering if anyone would even miss you or care
Have you ever warn a fake smile so long you forget what a real one feels like
  Exhausting yourself trying to keep others from knowing how you feel
    Fearing that someone might see through your mask of darkness
      Fearing that someone might make you smile for real and then leave you
        Fearing that everything will start working out again just in time to all fall back apart
          Fearing that nothing is ever going to make you happy
            Fearing that no one is ever going to understand you or make you happy
Have you ever felt like cutting yourself just so you didn't feel that deep empty pain if only for  a moment
  Thinking why can't I just be happy
    Why can't everything just work out for me
Have you ever thought tomorrow was going to be the day you ended your life long torment
  Feeling like you might take the razor a little deeper tomorrow
   Feeling like you have given it your all and you have nothing left
Have you ever felt like you were all alone in your pain
  Like you had no one who could truly understand you
   Thinking you were just weak and pathetic
     Been to afraid to talk out of fear of what people would say or think
       Worried about how your friends or family would feel
You are not alone
  You are not pathetic or weak
    You are not broken beyond repair
      Tomorrow doesn't need to be your last day
        You don't have to cut to make that pain go away
          You won't always lose everything even if it feels like
            You are not alone
              You are not forgotten or replaceable
                You can stand back on your feet
                  You will get through everything even when it seems impossible
                    You will be understood by the people who care about you
                      You are not stupid for feeling depressed about any of it
                        You are strong enough to keep pushing
                          You will smile again and feel the joy of laughter
                            You will look back at your life someday and be happy you didn't give up
                              You need to let people in and talk
                                You do need to express yourself because nobody can do it better
                                  You will never be judge by people who truly matter or care
                                    You can get through this

Another night left alone to ponder my life,
Another night to dream of a life that is not mine,
The darkness thickens around me as I try and grasp what my life has lead up to,
My mind spins uncontrollably as I contemplate the decisions I made,
I sit under the one poorly lit light left in my world,
As it flickers on and off each time threatening to never come back on,
Time is continuously wasted by my obsession to figure out what it all means,
And in this chaotic time of my life,
That’s when it hits me like the bolt of a rifle slamming into a bullet,
I know who I am inside,
I have always known,
My mind has been tricked,
Weighed down by the unforgiving nature of our society,
The flickering light in which I sit under burns brighter than ever,
Now not only lighting up the small corner I sit in but the whole room,
With the path I need to take finally lit by not a flickering light but by the sun,
I am finally ready to stand up* -Jeffrey Sutter