The tears flow freely
The pain is a thief
Tearing away my sanity
Piece by little piece
Will there ever be a time
When there is no pain
That I do not cry
Will I be insane
There are no words
to describe my plight
But for now at least
I survive to fight

Shattered, smashed, broken
All I feel is pain
Nothing ever helps me
Will I ever be whole again
My mind a torture chamber
Faces, voices, smells
Set my mind to wander
In my own eternal hell
To sleep relieves exhaustion
For shorter and shorter times
As the nightmares fuel the demons
Behind my crying eyes

Sitting sipping watching
With one eye on door
Waiting for old comrades
He knows he’ll see once more
Those left upon the battlefield
Fighting by his side
The men he toasts a drink to
With a tear in his eye
He’ll tell you all his stories
To keep his mates alive
And how it is his honour
That they helped him survive
So if you see a veteran
Sit with him for a while
Listen to his wisdom
And keep his memories alive

Last night of the year
And out in the pub
I spied in the corner
A man on his todd

So I went and I asked
If I could sit with him
And he returned with
He was patiently waiting

For all of his brothers
Each of his comrades
To return from their duties
To drink and make merry

Each year along
the fewer arriving
Till this year alone
The glass he was raising

So I sat and I drank
With an old weary soldier
And listened intently
To the stories he told me

When the night ended
With smiles and with tears
I wished him farewell
And a happy new year

We been sledging in the snow
Kids all shouting GO GO GO
Up and down the hill we run
Laughing as we have our fun
Sliding on the snow so fast
Wishing it will always last

Feeling lonely, feeling blue
All because I’m missing you
Wishing to be by your side
In the flesh not in my mind
To touch you would be such sweet pleasure
Something that I’ll always treasure

Why is there fighting
When we are all one race
Can we not sit together
And talk face to face
Though we may all look different
Our hearts beat the same
So why is there fighting
And looking to blame

Autumn brings the vivid colours
Reds and yellows
Trees all covered
Till they drop onto the ground
Piling in drifts all around

Walking with our hats and gloves
All wrapped up as if in hugs
With the people that we love
Kicking leaves from empty boughs
A time of love and laughter

This is a story
That needs to be told
Of the men and the women
For whom the bell tolls
They fought to the last
‘Gainst our numerous foes
The names no longer
Called on nominal rolls
Are our brothers and sisters
For whom the bell tolls

In the dead and blowing leaves
The rain and wind aplenty
Autumn brings the long coat sleeves
And leaves the branches empty

The days are shorter. Dull and grey
The clouds all gather
Bringing rain
The ties to summer severed

Our time is limited
To walk along our path
Onwards to the future
Unable to change what’s past
We give to our children
The knowledge that is ours
With hope that our legacy
Will light their darkest hours
We hope to give them wisdom
To build a better world
Though really all we can do
Is watch for what unfurls

Multitudes of galaxies
Floating in the unseen universe
Hidden by the pinpoints
Of lights from the cities
Insignificant through infinite time
We wander along our minuscule lives
Gone so quickly into nothing but memory
Nothing but names forgotten to history

Through the velvet softness
They silently creep
Into my mind
When I’m sound asleep
The alternative real
Of vivid dreams
So full of laughter,
Or tremendous screams
Maybe they’re happy
So full of joy
But also they can
Leave you wholly annoyed
However you get them
Whenever they come
Accept them all freely
Good or bad, every one

The human condition
Is dealing death
No understanding
Just extermination
If it is different
It must disappear
Why can there be
No acceptance

Next to you
Though miles away
Wishing that
I could just say
What’s going through
My troubled mind
The words to say
I just can’t find

The laughter of my children
Will always make me smile
No matter what I’m feeling
It melts away for a while

What am I here for
What is my purpose
Is my presence needed
Or am I superfluous
Will I have an impact
On anyone’s lives
Or just be forgotten
Whenever I’ve died
I’m not looking for anonymous
Nor do I want infamy
Though I would like comfort
For all of my family

Will the soft dark take me
To slumber so sweet
The oblivion of dreamlessness
Wonderment of sleep
A dream so close to take me
From my painful daily world
And wrap my mind in velvet
Till the dawn reclaims it’s hold

Is my pain reality
Or is it in my head
Will it disappear
Or stay with me till I’m dead
My existence is a struggle
Day to day a living test
But the love of my family
Keeps me trying my best

In the darkness of my mind
I wander
Of the nature of mankind
I wonder
If the truth is ever present
Why deception

Why do the voices taunt me
They whisper all the time
I’m never free from noises
That try to control my mind
Sometimes it’s hard to tell
If they are from inside or out
So from time to time to silence them
I have to scream and shout


Will I ever fold and listen
Or can I stay forever strong
These voices getting louder
Might take me over before long
I hope and pray my barriers
Will last and drown them out
For I fear for my sanity
Will leave me left with nought

The mask adorned
I start my day
From dusk till dawn
The mask is away
They would be shocked
If they only knew
The real me hidden from view
The laughter hollow
Just for show
Very few people really know
The pain I suffer day to day
A price I know that I must pay

Your radiance is greater
Than 1000 suns
Your beauty
Always leaves me stunned
Your grace would silence
Heavens angels
Your love
Will last throughout the ages
You are forever in my heart
Nothing will ever
Keep us apart

My body is broken
My mind is a mess
But my life is adventure
I must confess
I married a beauty
The love of my life
We had our children
That fill me with pride
I became a soldier
Travelled the world
And now I look forward
To adventure and more

Do not cry
For those that die
Don’t forget
You’re still alive
Now it’s time
To live your life
And honour those
That came before

The way was paved
By those that lived
And looked ahead
Not back in lament
So live for tomorrow
Not in the past
Though keep your memories
So they can last

These 4 walls
Have no windows or doors
Yet I pound and I pound
With hope


Of escaping

Am I see through
Or am I seen
Does anyone remember
The places I’ve been
The deeds all done
From past to present
Are they noticed
Most likely forgotten
Over time
Your actions erased
Even if mentioned
Met with a confused face

If you were a watcher
What would you see
My day to day acting
Or me being me
My smile as I work
And chat to my colleagues
Or when I sit silent
Fighting the memories

If you were a watcher
Would you be surprised
To see me put my mask on
When I arise
After my meagre sleep
Awake with pain
To face one more day
Put my act on again

To be in love is freedom
Your heart and soul will fly
Around the world and back again
Till back with them they lie

To be in love is solitude
You feel so all alone
Unless you’re with the one you love
Only then does it feel like home

To be in love is anguish
Whenever you’re apart
And when you are together
You feel one beating heart

To be in love is wonderous
No matter what your age
You feel just like a child at play
Free from times locked cage

The scars are there
For all to see
On the outside
A version of me
In my heart
My family
In my soul...


My misery


My love for you
Never question
Your compassion
My constant lesson
Everybody else
Forgotten
I live for you


My loves fountain

The perfect day
What would that be
To lie in bed
Just you and me
Or in the park
With all of us
Watching the kids
Making a fuss
Walking the paths
Along the river
Holding hands
My heart aquiver


Maybe a perfect day
Does not exist
But putting the good times
Into a list
Can be stitched together
So throughout your life
That perfect day
Is all played out
Not all in one
But in small parts
And felt as one day
In our hearts

I’d give you the world
If it was mine to give
Hand you my life
For you live
Grant every wish
If it was in my power
Stay by your side every minute and hour
Without hesitation
I give you my heart
Endure the suffering
When we are apart

The demons are real
They whisper to me
The monsters are here
Don’t try to flee
I try not listen
To block out the noise
To keep my composure
And act with good poise
But every so often
Just now and then
I might hear whisper
That does make some sense
Then ever so slightly the mask gives a slip
The madness exposed
My sanity stripped
Just for a moment the monsters are free
Until I I can cage them
And return to be me

Could I be death
Ushering souls
From this life to the next

Could I be justice
Handing rewards
To those that are deserving

Could I be strength
Propping up
Those that need to be lifted

Could I give life
Knowing how much
Hardship and suffering are in this world

When will the hurting stop

Never

The loss is raw
The pain is real

When will the pain go

Never

The memories remain
The loss is unbearable

Until

Every day sees something good
The love is remembered
The pain is rendered
To bearable again

With the loss of a love
That was sent from above
Grief is a hole
That appears in your soul
That can never be filled
No matter your will
To try and replace
The familiar face
That was sent from above
To fill you with love

Life is change
The seasons
The years
All you can do
Is change with them
Lives are taken
New lives are created
Mourning, rejoicing
An eternal conflict
That brings us all
To the inevitable

The emptiness of loss
Is a void never filled
Losing a loved one
That can never be replaced
The pain of grief
Felt so acutely
Missing the person suddenly gone

Leaving behind
A family that loves you
Hopelessly wanting
To hold you again
To feel your arms around us
Giving love and comfort
Never to be felt once more

A new year a new me
The mantra of the masses
But people rarely ever change
Unless it really matters
So let’s have a real new year
Don’t set the silly goals
Just pledge to do the best you can
And keep a happy home

Looking in the mirror
I see the man I am
Not perfect but surviving
Doing everything I can
To provide for my family
Give them everything they need
Hoping with my being
That they see my tiresome deeds
I wish to put my feet up
To finish with my work
But I know my family needs me
And for that I’ll never shirk

Sitting silent
Watching, hoping,
Asking, wishing,
Begging to be noticed
Wanting to be helped
But knowing ignorance
Of the situation
Of destitution
That falls upon
The unfortunate
Invisible

I sit alone
In my own company
Looking at my younger self
Through time jaded eyes
Wishing to give
Some learned advice
Wanting to share
The wisdom of age
But knowing
His time is past

I still get baffled
Every day we are together
What you see in me
Is a mystery

I cause heartache
With decisions made
I believe are right
Though they make you rage

My good intentions
Are mine alone
I find no words
To make them known

But every day
You are with me
You choose to stay
And not to flee

In the gentle quiet
When most are fast asleep
The velvet night envelopes
The people as they breathe
The deep breath’s of the resting
The murmurs as they dream
As all the stresses of the day
Are melted right away

As my eyes opened
You I saw
Even though
You were not there
But in my mind
Your never gone
You’re by my side
Forever

With my hands
I could not touch
Your perfect skin
Though all I feel
When I reach out
Is you beneath
My fingertips
Ever present

I wished a wish
That wish was you
And then in time
That wish came true
For in that wish
Your love I knew
As mine for ever
Me and you

The words that come are useless
They just cannot convey
The passion and the meaning
Of what I want to say

I get so **** frustrated
At the feelings locked inside
That have no way of escaping
And flying far and wide

I don’t show much emotion
And wish that I could change
To tell the ones I love
What’s really on my mind

What is your beauty
your face or your heart
Your wealth or your soul
Your family or your isolation

What is your strength
your love or your anger
Your muscles or your brain
Your hatred or acceptance

What is your life
Your money or your passion
Your possessions or your legacy
Your words or your footprints

Whatever your love is
Make no apologies
Everything is different
In the way it is seen
If the is ever a question
Let it be
What is your...?

Everybody needs it
For one thing or another
If not from a professional
We get it from each other
We talk and laugh and joke
About the things that are our troubles
To lighten our minds
And stop them crumbling to rubble