a name

a name Dec 2023

epitaph

i knew you would be the angel
to lead me through the heavens

and you would be the one to tear my heart from my chest
to weigh it on the scales
with a feather plucked from your wings

and i would be asked by the almighty
well, how was life

it was hard
but i loved her.

a name Oct 2023

to me, three years ago

i wonder if you'll be horrified, seeing me
smiling the same way you've been smiling since,
ever since the first drops and the first milligrammes broke your face
but ghastly, thinner, gaunt
hearing light and seeing sound the way it first crept on our skin
i know you know it's not really you

i wonder if it is horror
to find out that i am living this life
with this decrepit shell that we have ended up in
i know it feels a horror
to know
yes, we have died
only that you also get to know what you look like as a corpse
after that very uncomfortable mouth to mouth

i regret knowing how you would feel
knowing that i kept on
regardless

sincerely, i didn't mean to scare you
but you did.
you *******
you should drink a lot more water.

a name Sep 2023

come on you ****

i gaze upon the abyss
as the light on the end of the tunnel

i lift the sands of time by the kilo-second
to forge my looking glass
peering through the uncertain future

i have been broken down
onto my knees
and i have risen once more
with my shoes tied
ready to chase you down

you did not defeat me, blind malice
despite the world seeing me fall
i can see the world with it's care
its quiet deaths and lasting minutes

you did not change me
as i have changed my pain
you have not changed the sorrow you inflict
in a way that matters-
you did not defeat me

so help me till death,
the life of my love
the sickness and health

till death departs all
but suffering

a name Jul 2023

embraced

i think of "enough" when i think of my love for you
but "too much" is what i always remind myself
of what you feel
in sorrow, i embraced

i do not want to knock on the door of your beating heart with the pulse of my own

a name Jul 2023

"what do you want?"

to set you free
to hold my chisel and torch
to dig you out of your mother's basement

to hold and tell you
the sun is warm and the rain is soft
and the world is real
and your kindness is
to set you free
to set you free...

a name Jul 2023

the genetically perfect dandelion

it stood
unwavering in the field
you wouldn't have called it cowardly
you would have called it brave
some would still say "arrogant"

when the last rain came and went
and the unseen fire of a sunlit sky dawned on the last dying cornfield
the people said
how dare it stay alive
when everything else dies
how dare it show strength
when everything else gave

the best and the boldest of the sameness
deemed the unwavering different simple dastardly

would they have seen the last of her
blow in the wind
they would find her kind green the ruins of their world

a name Jun 2023

from a speck bore your glow

in your ancient sea were the same sands of time
formed the same cloudy depths that made the fog of toil

took a singular speck born through its own torturous seconds
wandered through your young open mind
turned to an itch you couldn't scratch
without splitting in half to bleed out into the defiant noise

now you are old and as ancient
but anew through the waves
they who dove deep to find treasure
will find your defiant shell
glowing iridescent like the moon in a dust storm
and within a secret suffering
to be marveled as beautiful

from a speck bore your glow
into the time and into the sea
only what remains
to shine
to grow