I mourn for what we will never have
And things that might have been
If I could go back with what I know now
And do it all again
I would find you, then
If that impossibility was
Something I could achieve
You’d be the first person
I would go to see

It is nearly delusional on my part
My imagination
Of what could be
Between he and me
But nobody else feels worthy
Yet
I hope I meet the wonderful man
Who sets me free
From this
Unattainable fantasy
There’s gotta be
Someone close to perfect
For me
Somewhere
I do keep looking
So why can’t I see?  
Close to perfect
Apparently
Comes with a cloak of
Invisibility

One day my song will
Hit you in the
Right kinda way
That you will revisit
All throughout the rest of your life
I will bring you the feels
And the keeping it reals
Given freely
This life-long gift
That will outlive both of us
Sent with love
To you
From me

It will most likely be
You never will see
The value of me
It’s not blindness on your part
But inundation of gorgeous art
I cannot expect you to notice me
When you’re surrounded by so much
Beauty
It must be everywhere you
Peek
Someone displaying the best they got
For you to see
Then, there’s me
Amidst adoring faces sea
And in that boat in which you be
There’s so much beauty
Within a few feet
To bother with what’s in the faraway sea
Where I be
Making little waves
Adoringly

Losing
Both in front
And behind
What you didn’t know you didn’t have
You never will find
What you had and let go
Lost throughout time
Before you had good sense to see
The treasure it be
Losing’s done so cheaply
But it is never free

Every life leads to
Something bigger than
The sum of the parts
Tissues, fluids
Meat, bones
Kids
Creations
Art
What is left
Is rarely nothing
We live on
Somehow
The lucky ones

I want to whisper in your ear
As loudly and publicly
As a secret can possibly be
Open for everybody
Whispering audaciously

The circus comes to town
And sometimes right to you
No matter what you do
The circus will pass through
Relying upon it
Not smart to do
Unless you wanna let
The circus consume you

Moving forward often means
Excommunication
From something or other
Or someone
Attached to an idea
Or habit
Worse often comes in disguise as better
The healthiest way
Is rarely the most exciting
Or the easiest

She leaves a part of who she is
Everywhere she goes
Her true face she shows
To everyone she knows

Bedrock that did not cover the roots
Otherwise impossible
Except in
You

Sheer boredom
For a start
And where it go could be off
Uninspired offerings
Of what use can they be?
Spark may come
With the attempt
Art loves effort
“Try”
Art says
See what comes of it
“Caress me”
Art says
“Dance upon my canvas
Please”
Art begs
I give it my most fervent attempt
And maybe sometimes
I do it justice  
Art

Your tendency to overshare
You call “keeping it real,”
But there’s plenty we don’t need to know
Like how on your bio
You mention your fetish for cold steel
Between your **** cheeks
And call yourself a gun freak
Which in your case
Is just another way
Of calling yourself a ****** geek

If I didn’t know better
I’d assume she wanted the pain
She keeps grabbing the hot ***
By anything but the handle
She uses her finger to put out the candle
Melted wax
Dries on her hands
Leaving it’s fake skin behind
And she picks it off
Complains about it
And repeats it every time
She wears flip flops in the snow
Complains her feet are cold
She refuses to freeze any leftovers
And ******* when they get mold
It’s hard to be around her
Her game is getting old
Her friends are looking at their hands
And thinking they should fold

You’re always trying too hard
Laughing the loudest
Celebrating the most vigorously
And wailing at sad times
Almost inappropriately
You must feel something true
Under all that bravado
It’s a backwards way
Of not letting the real you show
Often the biggest feelings we see
Are just a smoke screen
For no feelings at all

We weren’t the type to share flowery
Feelings
He was a **** knucklehead
And he had his own opinions of me
I know I drove that man pretty crazy
Our language of love was spoken
High decibelly
Rattling the walls
Our whole family
But that doesn’t mean
The love wasn’t there
We just liked to express it
Very loudly

He is deep waters
Hidden under
A choppy surface
Many step straight from the shore
Assuming the floor
Inches away
And drop in over their heads
Unexpectedly
And one will wonder
How being under
Water
Can feel so fiery

I have no wings
In fact
I am crawling, too
Get on my back
Ride me like a horse
I will carry you

He moves my soul
Imperceptibly, for he
But it’s an earthquake to me

Yes
They will
They’re gonna laugh
They’re gonna talk behind your back
Sometimes truth, mostly skewed
Sometimes you’ll be the center news
Not usually
For things
You wanted anyone else to see
When the one in the story
Is “me.”
Mistakes, they’ll talk for eternity
Success is celebrated for a week

Battered body
Stomach scars
Dry skin patches
Rogue hairs
Funky toenail
Callus feet
Yet
If I snuggle up to you
It’s a real treat.

Wishes are free
And from what I can see
Pretty empty
But it’s not over, yet
We shall see

One day
He will notice
You just wait and see
How he notices me
So boombasstickly

How dare life go on
So brazenly
Time passing for others
So weightlessly
Smiles and laughter
And pure joy
I see
So many people
Living so weightlessly
I bear this load
My whole family
It’s more of a burden
Than I can carry
And then I remember
That I am me
And there is no load
I cannot carry
Alongside my family

There is no
“I really wanted it”
Alibi
Usually delivered
After numerous lies
Desire does not justify
Selfishness, theft, or lies
Some seem to have the
Misguided idea
They couldn’t possibly deny
Themselves the thing they wanted
Or else they’d surely die
Their needs, however
Unnecessary
Twisted in their mind
Become water in the desert
A nap after ten sleepless nights
The mind plays tricks to justify
Accompanying sins
And injured parties
Demonized
Left blowing in the wind
Tricks the mind plays on itself
To avoid admitting sin

Contrary to what they say
It doesn’t all come out in the wash
Some stains stay

The stage
The front row
Every seat
The wings
All things
Right on to the back
Balconies
Even restrooms
And behind the snack stand
Are all in the same theater
Hearing the same band

Life be wild and tangle
Brambles and bush
Burrs and slimy things
And falling on your ****
Life may be an adventure
Sometimes arduous
Other times
Full of glee
They say life is what you make of it
But why is it so **** reliant upon
Decisions we make when we’re teens?
For most of us
Life is decided
Before we are born
By whom our souls are entrusted to
Lots of people get children
Unprepared
With no idea what to do
Life is not what we make of it
It’s out of our control
Just something we tell ourselves
So we can pretend we know
How and why the turns of fate
Favor some, and deny others
It has nothing to do with
What we deserve
But what our parents have earned
Our fathers and our mothers

The loss
The LOSS
The ache of empty
Empty arms
Empty heart
Empty space where he used to be
The ache of watching
Everybody
You love
Hurt so badly
Nothing
NOTHING
Will ever be the same
She is facing the LOSS
Even the hardiest humans
Can never tame
I cannot help her
Neither can you
We write impotent poetry
Recall our favorite memories
Dream of those wonderful days
How it used to be
When things were together
And perfect
Before we recognized that perfection
For what it was
We ******* about minor details
Dog **** in the yard
Taking too long in a line
Flat tire
Ran out of wine
Such a privilege
To ***** about little things
Back when life was fine
I have nothing to offer
But my love
And a few rhyming lines

I wonder if he knows I hate that shirt.  
How could he not?  
I’ve only said it
About him
Out loud
Every time he wears it
He probably wears it to spite me
For having the nerve to have an opinion
He has no obligation to look beautiful
According to my narrow standards
And when I say them
He spites me
By looking beautiful
Anyway
In that **** shirt

I want to be his medicine
I want to heal his soul
I want to bring him peace
Like he has never known
I want to bring him chaos, too
I want to bring it all
Give him pain and comfort
With my wild call
He sits on perches
Preening, playing,
Perfect to view
He wants for nothing
So what’s a hen to do?
He does not sing or caw or call
He thinks he’s already said it all
And frankly he could stay silent
And still be worth the time
Quiet bird
He may be free
When his cage is only imaginary

There is nothing wrong with it
But it could be more right
With the right One
Right is rare
When it comes to romance
At least for me
I envy those who have it
It is what I yearn for
A partner
So rare
Yet people find their partners all the time
It is Magic I cannot control
Even when I blatantly try
I have my One
Out of reach
Shooting way beyond my station
I suspect someone will come along
Who captures my attention
Which, admittedly, is not a
Hott commodity
No one around is romancing me
Yet I am haughty enough to believe
My attention is priceless
The realest thing you can give to a person is
Attention
Priceless Attention

I put these here
Little shards of who I be
One day
There won’t be
A part of me
You did not see

There is no such thing as a path that leads to nowhere
Maybe it didn’t get you
Where you wanted to go
But you’re still somewhere else
Than where you started
And along the way
You grow

Too hott off the press
The girl is a mess
Yet
Very selective
In whom she will
Bless
With her
Disorganized
Chaotic
Beautiful mess
That man is worthy of nothing less

I should be embarrassed
Standing here naked
For all to see
But nobody is paying
Any attention to me
So here I post
Determinedly
Someday
Someone will see
Whoever it be
The right one for me
Will
Tie me up
While setting me free

The beauty in his rejection
Isn’t too hard to see
I’ve created all this poetry
He and I
Not meant to be
But this remains
My testimony
I cannot have him
Like I wish it would be
But still, I approach him
Thankfully

I like me
Maybe it’s overconfidence
Or stupidity
But I’m forcing myself here
So you can know me
Assuming you’ll fall in like
With what you see
All this effort put in by me
It’s like somebody passed me a mike
And I walked up on stage
Filled with sass and frass
Confident you won’t resist my ***
You ain’t no fool
You know I’m madd cool
You won’t hold out forever
I have an invisible way with you  
Deeper than surface
Thicker than blood
Time immortal
This union be
Even if you never connect with me
It’s already there
The stone that will never crumble
Art is eternal

You punish me
Unintentionally
Make me believe you do not care to see
Me
Allow me to walk down this path
Alone
Won’t even throw me a **** bone
Letting me wonder what do you see
Or if you even notice me
Effort and honesty
I present to thee
And you present to me
Empty
I do not know what to perceive
Am I getting on your nerves?
Do you wish I would just leave?
Stop stirring things up unnecessarily?
Throwing flailing, foul curves?
Taking you through uncomfortable swerves
I set myself up for this punishment
So now I can’t complain
But here I am
*******
And I probably will be
Again

It’s a mission
To show you who I am
***** it out here for you to see
Which has to mean everybody
I think I’ve got likability
But I just happen to like me
I don’t know what you see
Brash, brazen, unapologetic me
For who I be
And what I want
And what kind of beautiful picture I see
In a future of you and me
If we get friendly

I presume you find begging unattractive
(Who wouldn’t?)
So I’m trying to do it with style and grace
Prancing  around in a tutu
Pretending that I don’t have egg on my face

I have a super power
Invisibility
Nobody notices me
Trying to see the bright side
In current realities
Which is probably a super power too

If I were Frida
You would be me
If you were the vote
I’d be Susan B. Anthony
If I were a slave
You’d be being free
I am a poet
You are my muse
Maybe against your will
I have put you to use
It is a theft, really
To create art out of someone’s energy
But how can one steal
Something that’s free?  
It’s probably not easy being me
But from my point of view
It seems to be
What more could an artist ever wish for
Than such an incredible muse?
It’s rhyme
And a chaos of words
Right
And left
And mostly right
And then,
Mostly left again
All over the place
Yet so focused
Obviously not bogus
But that’s just from my point of view
I have no idea what it feels like
To be the muse
I do know, for sure
I wouldn’t be as good as you
The perfect muse

It’s only me
Feeling this chemistry
With he
Tie that binds to itself
Wishes and dreams
Too many liberties
With how I perceive it to be
I know it is imaginary
But it seems so real to me

I must remind myself
Lack of resistance
Is not encouragement
In fact
Lack of encouragement
Is resistance

Clarity
A gift not often
Gladly received
Or given easily
I could write a poem about it
But I’m still stuck in the weeds

My children are my legacy
But they are grown
And don’t need me
So now I write my poetry

Everything to lose
Or everything to gain
The way things are now
You can’t complain
Why make a move
When you don’t have to?
So what’s this lovesick girl to do?
There’s no reason for you to come through
Blameless, beautiful, too good to be true
You
Maybe you feel you can’t measure up
To the vision I have of you
But isn’t that just another way
Of calling me a fool?
(And you know that isn’t true)
You definitely give me credit
You know I’m properly schooled
We could be cool
I know you feel it, Boo
Open the door
Let me walk through
Who knows where it goes?
Wherever that be
I feel that it’s something
You’d want to see
But maybe it ain’t
You can already tell
Or maybe a mix of the both
I promise you will not regret
Letting me get close
Plain and simple
I promise you will not regret
Letting me get close

How can it be
You have this invisible hold on me?
Unrealistic insanity
Willingly
By me
It’s not unhealthy
Nor ugly
Or something that needs to be feared
But obviously
It’s kind of weird

I woo him so earnestly
Practically
Like a knight trying to earn
The badge of chivalry
I give him all of me
Albeit distantly
And he pays little to no
Attention to me
Hurtful it be
Because I take it so personally
But how else could one perceive
Baring their soul to somebody
Who does not want to see?
Sometimes I wish he would say
“*****, would you just go away”
He’s got no motivation to speak
My game is too weak
I’m past my peak
I’m not what he seeks
I need lots of tweaks
And then
I realize
It’s really got nothing to do with me
Sometimes there’s just no reason
Things cannot be
And the fault doesn’t lie
With him
Or with me
It might just not be meant to be
And I’m still happy
I really like me
And even though he don’t want it that way
He probably will agree
As far as admirers go
He couldn’t do much better than me
So I’ll keep on admiring
Because he’s so worthy