Why

Why is your touch
So sweet

But your smell
Is horrid

Cigarettes
Their smell

Was never meant
To enter my lungs

Yet here we are

Little do you know
My dear

That I scrub myself
To get rid of the stench

Every time you go
I question myself

I question why
Why I beckon you back

When we rest together
The scent isn’t there

When you’re gone, everything you’ve touched must be washed

Isopropyl alcohol
I find it does the trick

An hour long shower
Before I rid my skin of it

You reek of sickness
Yet I want your touch

I want your embrace

Was I too hasty?
Did I make a mistake?

When you leave
I’m left with a mess

Spirits and odors that cling
To my clothes and skin

Chocolate
and tear-stained poetry

why the ****
did I believe
even for a second

that love could be easy
that I could fall
without breaking bones

and why
was I so ready to fall

what insanity
hate-driven entity
has caused this

this rift
as soon as I remembered
what it's like to love

that twitch
of my heart

the twitch I felt the first day
that told me you were special
that I had no choice

the twitch
of love
that I can't stop

a madness that will steal
all senses and wits about me

how fitting
that I should understand once more
the pain I have inflicted on others

through foolish heartbreak
foolish
foolish

heartbreak

Icing
upon cold death

piercing eyes
that know pain all too well

a voice
undeniable

soft, gentle
yet still finding an edge

you'll find it
you will

your lips
like peaches

each soft
and shimmering

I always wondered
how you could look in mirrors

and say you hate
that you hate what you see

though perhaps it's jealousy
that a mirror could hold it
an image of illustrious beauty

I always wondered
what it was

and I suppose
I always will.

I saw the face
of your god on high

I saw his frown
his disgust

his horrible
horrible and crooked hands

I watched them
as they bent

popping my ribs
one by one

I saw the face
of unyielding hatred

for what
has been created

I then knew
that pain is true
the only truth

for even he
who is so mighty
might cry knowing
what was created

to know his creation
was in his image
to see
how twisted
he truly is

and finally
to rip it apart

without mercy
without hesitation

How
in this maze
am I to find a way

Out of
sienna catacombs
without a torch in sight

can I
walk out myself
shivering alone?

or must I be dragged
kicking, screaming
praying to suffocate
to drown once more
fighting
punching, kicking air
screaming

screaming for your siren song
begging to hear it again
begging to be devoured
by unyielding jaws
torn to shreds
by serrated claws
sinking into me

you
you never leave
you watch me cry
as if you are a sadist
a guilty sadist
whenever I run
you find me
you tell me you've missed me

and honestly?
I've missed you too

oh god
how dearly I've missed you

I've rationalized it
the pain

I've found a comfort
in a bear's den

so familiar
in the cold

yet how can I say this

when our songs
hardly phase me anymore

I loved you, it's true
and perhaps I still do

but now you're a memory
faded and broken

Kintsugi

for you are treasured
though I long left you

and together
we once dreamed

we dreamed
of warmth in a blizzard

one we could keep
just for us

Why
Does my bath tub seem so long

So full
Like I could get lost

In this windowless shelter
Unknown to the world

Tucked within
A curling apartment

A cold tub
That was supposed to be warm

Too big
To submerge myself

Could this be where I die?
A voice muses

Alone in a tub?
No, too lonely