Sometimes I feel alone
in a crowded room,
sometimes I feel cowded
when I am alone.
I am always alone in my thoughts,
pictures of the past hanging on
the walls of my mind
movies of my life rolling on
the screen.
Memories, never going back,
the past is behind me.
My shadow is what I leave
in photographs in my mind.
A ghost not yet dead.
Someday I too will be but smoke
in the wind, a photograph within
your mind.
Depression once told me
I am nothing,
I am but a piece of dirt
underneath your feet.
I fought its downing choke,
its pressure to be better than
myself.
I pushed myself into the light
scared and exhausted.
Depression is the heavest
ugliest monster waiting in
the darkest depths to pounce.
It knows your woes,
it becomes your fear,
it bruises your soul and
scars your self esteem.
Rolling in the deep,
towing your failures,
tugging on your heart strings
as it breaks one string at a time,
leaving you in silence
no more music for you
to enjoy.
Depression is the deep void
between nigh and day is nothing,
where I get lost amongst
the forest of my rolling thoughts.
Floods happen often here,
choking my breathable air,
clawing at my soul,
leaving me naked and afraid
deep inside the bowels of depression.
I beg myself, don't leave me here
reaching for my life with outstretched arms. Weak and
crawling on my belly from
the drenches of depression.
Depression taught me
I have only myself.
Depression also taught me,
the dirt is where life grows,
it is planted inside its girth
watered and fed by its growing roots. I chose where I plot my roots.
©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton
I have fought depression my whole life. I am stronger than I ever was because I fought and won every time. I built a foundation that is going to stand until I take my last breath on my deathbed. Hopefully I will be old and happy. I don't care if I fall in love again or if I am with myself until the end. I know I am loved by my family and friends. I have many more memories to build before I say fair will my fellow poets and friends. I am going to be the best me I can be. Woe never beat me because I know my worth is priceless. I am one of a kind. I deserve to be loved and supported. We all do.